AVRIL KICKS ASS,DO YOU?

2010-03-28T09:25:00.000-07:00

BYEBYE livingonthefringe.blogspot.com. i may have outgrown you. (pun not intended)

2010-03-28T08:16:00.001-07:00

JOIN FORMSPRING.ME !!!!!
haha i think this is the coolest form of social media i've seen yet! you get to ask and answer questions about anything/everything! Kind of like the truth part of truthordare. bad thing is people (incl me) probably won't answer that honestly unless there's a way to lock it.

2010-03-19T23:56:00.000-07:00

I've set up Twitter(inactive account for now. sheesh there're only like 2 pals on twitter. anyway I follow Hayley and Siobhan and Siobhan is following me rahrah but i think it's only her manager or sth. oh wait they don't have managers) & Skype. And I've been using MSN for ages. & if I go over, I'll be quite free cos I heard Uni is quite slack (@ first?) so keeping in touch won't be a prob @ first. But um not quite sure about the situation in China/SG//UK/US. (omg how cool is this my pals & i will be all over the world even if we won't see each other's faces much=( eh of course i'll really miss my pals but it's not the end

thinking of deactivating FB maybe cos it makes me have huge split attention span and is not a very good place to discuss stuff and it's spamming my email inbox irritating :x But I prob won't cos I'm just busybody and FB convos can be fun and that's the main mode of comm btw some friends and me.

"All girls are insecure."
according to my tutee HAHA, i don't think it's supposed to be funny. The way it was said was hilarious though. Really, if you take note of what people say, life can be rather amusing indeed in a laughing-with not laughing-at way of course. Hah one day all of the quoteworthy stuff will go into some movie (you guys will be credited!) , if I minor in Film Production!(seems rather impossible, but i'll probably find out soon) Kay obviously, what the person said is a huge generalisation BUT maybe girls tend to be more insecure than guys superficially. this whole thing is very sexist. random: when i was young, i wanted to be a guy. i've no idea why. probably thought that being a guy was more "fun". now, i think that being a girl is good. besides the NS thing (girls have to give birth so it cancels out! i'd much rather go to NS than carry out my biological function tyvm), girls have more freedom to express themselves. guys have to appear tough (maybe not masculine, but at least emotionally stable or indifferent, and hold things in sometimes, correct me if i'm wrong, m ttly not an expert on the opposite sex. but brotherhood seems damn cool heh. random: when i was young, i was also mean. which means that if nature had a larger bearing on personality, i'd be a badass chick. not even appealingly rebellious but an outrightly mean person. rather rare to find one of those. being mean is like some social taboo around here. when i was really young (reflective of innate personality i was born with?) , i used to chase people out of the family car, lie, cheat on tests,cry almost every day before i went to school (wth right.) and was extremely whiney and prone to tantrums. have had to work a lot and i'm still extremely far from realising if true-blue altruism(whatever that is) exists, apart from those newsworthy individuals. & some people I've met, actually, who're really inspiring. recall reading that being selfless means having to crush(crushcrush) out natural inclinations of selfishness that everyone is born with. [ such a grim view] Love Holden Caulfield & his anti-obsession with phonies btw.

My tutee is damn hornyyyyyy it's disrupting lessons :0

The Happiness Hypothesis. Only on the first few pages (very analytical stuff gotta plough through it slowly to really grasp the meaning) but it's one of the most earth-shatteringly enlightening books I've read, deeply makes me reevaluate my perception of a lot of things. it's a whole different genre really. It's strangely reassuring and troubling at the same time. Must be read with skepticism though. Also, some of the theories are good ways to improve your own way of thinking, build happiness of you + people around you. make you less self-absorbed, less self-entitled. Humans are just inherently self-serving sometimes, even if we don't notice it, and we twist things to our advantage. It's pretty interesting that high self-esteem and IDEALISM (sheesh) which are perceived as positive are actually pretty detrimental and is a huge cause of violence, compared to other factors like greed. but actl it's pretty common sense.. cos anything positive even taken to extremities would result in something bad. just surprised that greed was not as serious a factor.

haha clinical psychologists give therapy right but i think they can also receive therapy from psychology. if they can turn off the psych thing in their personal lives. yeah as long as they don't get too emotionally involved. which is like so hard gawsh dunno how A thinks she can do it. anyway, after all that, think Film is better in the sense that it's more eye-opening. like Journalism/Media. You're thinking about things/events in a more macro-aspect & goes much more beyond our own personal issues. Which is cool, cos there's a lot more to life than what we personally experiencr. actually the macro thing is not rly true cos pscyh is very macro maybe it's just the bk i'm reading which deals w positive psych which is q personal. Pscyh can change you as a person because it changes how you think, but that's not always good, might tend to overanalyse things by applying it to your own life really not good.

I'm a lot more interested in my potential minors than major to be honest!!! heh heh. Major's pretty much decided, not gaga about it, but it's quite interesting even if i don't think my personality's very suited to it. but maybe that's the point. self-improvement! the good part is it should make me more assertive(not in a mean way) & practical. Gotta do some other mods if possible. but after discussing this with peeps, I'm pretty sure that minoring in either one is a good choice, i have to study sth of pure,real interest. (making the rather dangerous assumption here that interest can be sustained and that i can do well at what i'm interested, a pretty big gamble indeed.) at least it's not a major, though me hopes to continue to study even after working cos i've quite varied interests and i still don't rly know what most of them r like. I'd rather earn a comfortable salary first to gain financial security, pretty important yeah.

& it's so hard trying to get attachments, they just dao. Sighhhhhhh. Still a lot of research to do, this Sun's informant event should be useful. Gotta be disciplined and rational and take into account interest and money and personal time and make an informed decision. not as easy as it sounds.
[HELLO TSY I KNOW YOU ARE READING THIS]

hah this was the result of too much time and rather inane convos :D spazzing over ~~gaga, astro, psych~~ the future. also been having loads of good conversations lately =] =] =]

READ THISSSSS: yelyahwilliams.tumblr.com :DDD yoohoo. this is why ~~hayley~~ paramore rawkz.

WATCH BORED TO DEATH EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT BORED TO DEATH. pretty funny, but like uh it sorta creeps on you, ha guess i'm too used to sitcomish slapstick humour. Wiki says it has noir-ish humour. nice for snarky days.
“men face reality. Women don’t. that’s why men need to drink.”
“I’m not good with anger. I go straight to depression.”
“lives don’t change. We simply become more satisfied with our core misery which is another form of happiness.”

Am amazed at how some awesome people don't seem to recognise their awesomeness! Awesomeness is of course subjective, but it just ... emanates from some people. they have an aura of awesomeness. Awesome people who don't know how awesome they are (or pretend not to know out of humility perhaps?) are truly the awesomest of awesome! (many different levels to awesome, consult Barney Stinson for further enlightenment) Hm but of course labelling someone as awesome, despite it being a compliment, is sometimes embarrassing and unnecessary. Yeah anyway I had misguided notions of awesome and overused it. Awesome should be reserved for those really amazing people shall not define here, hah.

Rapists should burn in hell. Horrible assholes. "rape is one of the worst crimes ever. rapists have one of the worst reps in prison."

2010-03-15T22:07:00.001-07:00

snippets of the past wk or so, with a lot of coughing,mucus and a horrible sore throat-

- Au Revoir Simone's concert
WOWX1000000.
1 week after Paramore's concert and 180degrees difference. It was a vvvv intimate concert. as intimate as a concert in a dark place with green lights and a bar can be anyway --> esplanade theatre studio. FREE DRINKS. but i chickened out and got a cranberry, cos i had to wake up early the next morn. I was there by myself so it was kinda lonely. i don't mind being alone outside, but it was at a freaking concert. Still, it was V ENJOYABLE and one of the best concerts i've been to. the singers were ... 4 feet away and looked eerily real. i hardly know the lyrics to most of their songs, couldn't even recognise the better-known ones in fact. Nevertheless, their music RULES, glad to have discovered it a while back after hunting some songs down on LJ communities. Electronic harmonious pop/folk. Srsly just transports you to another lovely bones movies-esque world. The 3 girls are really tall, skinny, pretty and chatty and gosh, do they make beautiful music. kaleidoscopic collision of instrumental sounds that somehow WORK and their zen vocals (weird descriptn). You can really PICTURE their music when you just close your eyes and sway to the beat.

- Chew's Birthday BBQ
quite a disorganised event, cos this week has been busy. but hey, everyone who was invited turned up, mainly common friends of chew & me. Yanne came up with the brilliant idea of everyone hiding in random places. THE CREEPY CAVE with a cage was extremely scary at night.
so the highlight of the evening was the truth&dare segment which i cannot reveal much of here. very lucky i didn't have to do anything, though i have no idea why people think i come up with outrageous questions/dares. i'm highly innocent. Chew's dare was to go up to a stranger, light a matchstick and declare that she can light a matchstick. very retarted, i am certain that when people like us get together even 10/20 years down the road, we'll still be doing insanely embarrassing stuff. kudos to us!

this leads me to...
- brand new perspective on my creators, the ones besides God:My parents are COOL. very uncool to say this but it's true, despite several usual qualms. they encouraged me to study med so i can be a pediatrician, which is understandable. doctors get paid well and get to save people's lives. society's idea of a dream job.but honestly, someone like me ain't cut out to be a doctor. cannot handle that kind of pressure well, not willing to study hard if i don't feel motivated, and not willing to give up a good deal of personal time. but after reasoning for a while, they said something like - "it's okay, it's good to do something you like" YEAH MAN. they also seem to know what they want out of life and are not snobbish or overly pragmatic even if they're considered successful folks.

- Summer Wars movie. Japanese humour < French humour, but it's still megacute:D -add cute emoticons- Quite implausible plot, but you can't help this has encouraged me to persevere with Jap even if learning languages = steep learning curve.Must do homework. Mustmustmust. learn the freaking alphabet! + mindspamming/blowing talk with J, enjoy the effortless convos we have. freedom of speech indeed.

- FD&D course has been... stressful. Feel like a contestant on Project Runway, minus the judges and actual expertise. Ya know it involves a fair bit of Math. The objective of the lessons is to make a skirt. HAHAHA. Anyway, currently at the pinning-brown-paper-to-get-ready-to-start-sewing stage. know hardly anyth about sewing apart from the teensy bit learnt during HomeEc and guidies. gulp. still, i will wear my finished creation no matter how disproportionate it turns out to be.

+ other mundane stuff and potentially exciting news. Rev Road is one of the most depressing bks i've read. coupled with the on-off rainy weather, been in a sort of melancholic funk lately. more obvious when i'm alone. nice indulging a bit in misery for misery's sake.

2010-03-07T19:19:00.000-08:00

I SHALL NOW BE KNOWN AS THE PARAMORE PARAMOUR TO PARAMORE! Managed to get my note (think it's the longest in the scrapbook!) and prezzie [toothbrush holder hey it's kewt okay] to them (the stage technician did not seem to appreciate the pretty pinkness of hayley's not-underwear and disposed of it along with the rest of the garbage onstage)
Right... I shall start from the beginning, even though I know whatever I write will not be able to do the concert justice. BECAUSE IT WAS AWESOME!!!! okay shall try to recount it in a more rational manner so I don't sound like a "crazy fangirl", which is very impossible.

I rushed down to the Indoor Stadium at around 2 plus after Jappo Lessono, but I was pretty apprehensive as there was already a queue forming. Luckily before that I had done my facebook paramore fan homework.It turns out the whole PARAMORE@SG (huge shoutout though they won't be reading this) fan club had landed their asses on the FRONT LANE of the FIRST SECTION of the STANDING PEN QUEUE! So I sneaked my way in. Connections work!

Then came the boring bit. WAITING! I was surprised that the fans did not interact more or sing along to paramore songs. Rather tame for fans of the most incendiary band alive, I would say. iPod didn't have batt, so couldn't listen to paramore songs. I chatted quite a bit with some fans. One of the 'fans' was there to accompany his girlfriend, he actually loves heavy metal. Hah I don't think the concert gave him enough of an adrenaline rush. Oh, Black metal is supposedly banned in SG!)
THEN THINGS STARTED TO GET EXCITING! We were walking around Kallang Leisure Park to grab some food, and ogle at other fans, possibly meet some band members in the toilets though most of them are male which would involve some illicit activity. We passed by this dark-brown haired dude who looked very American (because he is) and there was quite a large crowd surrounding him. So I thought, hey, we should take a photo with him and then find out who he is later; the photo might turn out to be worth a lot. TURNED OUT TO BE JUSTIN YORK, THE GUY REPLACING JOSH ON LEAD GUITAR. Hey, but later, we passed by him again (he was holding the paramore scrapbook!) and took a photo with him. Quite embarrassing cos V kept screaming. Heh, don't blame her though. He was extremely obliging to his fans, even though he was supposed to be rushing off. That's one of the things i like most about Paramore. They are MEGASTARS now but still update their LJ and twitter often, not just about band stuff, but about their opinions and such to let their fans know them better. They're so grounded too.

Grabbed some Paramore pamphlets from a flyer distributor, would make great mini-posters. They got paid to give out Paramore stuff, so cooooool.
& we HEARD PARAMORE REHEARSING DECODE AND MISERY BUSINESS! Hayley sounds really good live, eerily similar to audio recordings. Only a bunch of people were sitting near the side of the building where we could hear the rehearsals.

Okay concert time sooooooooon. Ran into the mosh pit like mad hyenas to the right side, 3rd row from the front. Jeremy, the bassist, was right in front of us for most of the show !!!
Felt pretty sad for Monochrome, the opening band for Paramore because they were not that horrible, just a bit too emo and not decipherable for my liking. I suspect they were selected because the lead singer is female, has red hair highlights and has many Hayleyisms like hair-tossing. Nahhh maybe they were actually talented, it's just that we couldn't hear much of the music properly. The band looked a bit disappointed at the end as the crowd kept chanting paramore and obviously wanted them to get off the stage. Still, not much point feeling sorry (aha!) because that was just a bland appetiser compared to what was in store for the crowd.

Everyone cheered when the sound technicians set up Hayley's adorable orange mike! It looked like a droopy carrot! Paramore came on at about 840 all of a sudden. The drapery fell off to reveal a huge white PARAMORE sign. At first glance, I saw all the band members except Hayley. But her orange hair was unmistakeable :D Whoo she looks wonderfully cute and sexy live. Tell me how it's possible for someone to be so adorable and smexy and unconventionally gorgeous all at once? -shuts up before i sound lezzie- She was wearing a black shirt and leopard-spotted bands what is up with the cougar-ness? :D It didn't feel as surreal as the previous concerts I've been to, but that's probably 'cos paramore has a better level of fan interaction and didn't feel like distant celebrities. Needless to say, Hayley was a huge orange fiery ball of energy throughout the concert and the band paused between songs quite frequently to allow her to talk a bit. She mentioned crowd-pleasing stuff but I never doubted that they really meant it from what I've read of them :D
paramore will be coming back to SG in less than 5 years' time and according to them, they rarely say this BUT We are one of their loudest crowds ever :] Yep, and they thanked the fans who greeted them at the airport. Oh, and they LOVE US A LOT. They said it so many times it was as if we were their insecure significant other. Definitely rahrahed the crowd a lot! But I hear that around 10 people in the moshpit were pulled out. It was really wild. Felt like fainting at some points because the bass and drum were literally pulsating through my body, esp when Monochrome performed. THUMP THUMP THUMP.
Stopped screaming during several parts of the show just to listen to Hayley's wonderful voice, but the sound system wasn't very good. Despite that, she's really great live and didn't go off pitch when she hit really high notes for songs like Careful and Decode. The guitar/bass/drums were fine too methinks, don't really know how to judge whether everything is in sync but the songs sounded like how they're supposed to sound!
The band also supported Hayley's vocals really well and even attracted much attention of their own, throwing guitar picks, waterbottles, shaking their a$$, going closer to the moshpit and behaving like true blue RAWKSTARS.

THE SETLIST!

INTRO
I remember Ignorance clearly but not the Intro!
IGNORANCE
CRUSHCRUSHCRUSH
THAT'S WHAT YOU GET
LOOKING UP
Yeshhhhh!! This just reinforced how lucky and optimistic all of us should be that the band is going to stay together for a pretty long while!
CAREFUL
A bit sad that this was one of the non-single songs selected from BNE. Can think of better songs like Turn It Off & Playing God, still, it was definitely a crowd-pleaser.
LET THE FLAMES BEGIN
red light bathed the entire stage when this song came on. One of the most intensely performed songs. Hayley was FEELING this song. Personal fave from Riot!
NEVER LET THIS GO
Hayley used a tambourine on this song. Never realised this little gem of a song from AWKIF. Brought back fond memories of Paramore's more innocent, confused-teenager-music days!
THE ONLY EXCEPTION
My favourite song of the evening, this was also paramore's most mellow moment. Stripped down with acoustic guitars.
PRESSURE
FOR A PESSIMIST, I'M PRETTY OPTIMISTIC
WHERE THE LINES OVERLAP
The bridge was beautifuuuuuul. "I've got a feeling if I sing this loud enough, you will sing it back to me." A perfect fan sing-along.
DECODE
Twilight fans would have been thoroughly appeased
MISERY BUSINESS (ENCORE)
Most explosive song!!! Much headbanging and screaming along to the lyrics!
BRICK BY BORING BRICK (ENCORE)
This last song felt so abrupt but was such an apt song to end off the show.

Wow. The whole concert felt short but just enough for us to get really pumped up without it being entirely anticlimactic. Though the sudden absence of Paramore after slightly over an hour of pure paramore awesomeness was ... slightly deflating.
Everything ended by around 11. Took a few more quick snaps of the empty stage. Hayley's underwear had fallen out of my plastic bag and some girls surrounded it and laughed at it :/ Soundtech guy threw the underwear away after it landed on the stage. Outside, everything was quite chaotic. Managed to get a picture with PARAMORE'S DRUMSTICK thanks to a guy who managed to get Zac's drumstick! Lucky. He warned us not to run away with it. Didn't think about it, but if I had, who knows what would've happened?

A concert I'm going to remember for a long time, not just because I'm a huge fan, but also 'cause I could tell the band gave it their all to give their fans an electrifying, engaging show!
Signing off,
The Paramore Paramour!

--
WOW IF YOU HAVE MANAGED TO READ ALL THE WAY TILL HERE, YOU ARE CRAZY. xD
So in other recent news, some adult(s) has/have been reading my blog (when there is other much better reading material out there like the New York Times, for one) and mentioned that I should be careful about the way I mention certain things. I have been cautious as I know what is at stake and am obviously not trying to harm anyone so please kindly mind your own business, thanks.

Satisfied with A-Level Results. Don't feel like doing a proper account of it all, since it's a very touchy subject. While there are people feeling like shit over one or two Bs tainting their otherwise perfect scores, there are others who don't even have that luxury. Anyway, it feels shitty to know that some people didn't do well. Can't say something like "cheer up, it's not the end", "there will be other opportunities" without it sounding contrived, because I don't understand how it feels afterall. Eventually, people just have to face up to it, take it as a lesson and move on. Like what T said, if you're very set on something, you can still make it happen eventually by taking the paths less wandered unless you just cannot fulfill your own expectations somehow. It's more important to think of the results as a means to an end, they are simply not the end, period. Results are necessary to get into a good school, but screwing up doesn't mean you cannot eventually get what you desire. It seems so now, but it's really not like that eventually. I guess. More important to think of what you wanna do to their life and how you are going to get there with what you have!

2010-03-02T07:20:00.000-08:00

Life's goooooooooood. Been having quite a lot of fun + fulfillment with FAB company generally & watching awesome movie ie. ALICE IN WONDERLAND 3D. Very 1st 3D movie! Wow I thought the animation was completely amazing and it was quite an original retelling of the classic. What could've been improved was more signature Tim Burton gothic-ness and a bit more of the whimsy found in the original novels. Still, it was completely engaging and I almost never felt bored at all, which is quite rare. GOD PLEASE LET ME WORK FOR TIM BURTON IN THE FUTURE. Have a horrible tan line so if I'm seen very covered up, the reason should be obvious.

Overwhelming week ahead! "Judgement Day", Paramore concert. 2 life-transforming events. [ AND EVEN MORE TO COME BRRRRR] Gasp. Trying not to think about the former by immersing myself in the latter. Yeah, I'll survive the week and so will you. The anticipation is quite an adrenaline rush, actually. Okay I'm being irritating x) BUT HONESTLY I AM WORRED, even if I appear to be calm and thinking about trivial matters like what outfit to wear. (hey, it's like the last proper batchmate gathering before people start zooming away. PROM WITHOUT MAKEUP is pretty apt? ) I only started freaking out today fortunately. IT'S 102AM NOW ON THE DAY ITSELF. Reassuring others helps to calm your nerves yo. no matter what happens, I still have to regain my composure to collect my pal's results, send my results over, and collect something else. Okok I guess I'm quite lucky that the bar is not raised very high for me I'm not aiming for courses that require fantastic grades and i've a safety net no matter what i get tho of course I wanna do welllllll it's more of proving myself to myself (even if i don't think grades sum us up properly someone explain this contradiction. SOCIAL CONDITIONING!!!!) and to the people who have supported me along the way. Yes, I know, people are gonna judge us by those few letters but that's not the main point. Anyway, was thinking of wearing shades before and during results collection but very AA.

OOH to lighten up the mood a little, here is my Paramore <3 letter which I shall try to throw at them onstage or @ the airport if we find out the flight arrival time or ask someone going for M&G to pass to them!
PARAMORE!
I'm ridiculously ecstatic that you guys are performing in SG! SO SURREAL. (even without Josh. Congrats btw!) I've been a HUGE fan ever since I watched the Pressure Video. (from the AWKIF days) So proud to have watched y'all develop, evolve and mature . It really shows on BNE.Your music is so personal, raw, sincere, honest, quirky, sarcastic and distinctly paramore!
Reading your LJ makes me wish I knew you guys as friends. Stay awesome & keep on connecting with your fans. You are the only band that makes me question where the lines overlap and gives me an electrifying adrenaline rush. KEEP LOOKING UP!
Your Paramour,
Kyna Ng (18+)

BYEBYE. Next week = chilling out week. NEED SOME ME-TIME.

2010-02-23T06:21:00.001-08:00

As promised,

preview of SOME of the wonderfully gothic shirts on sale at our Flea Stall!
The first one is my personal fave, not for sale.

2010-02-22T22:46:00.000-08:00

GAGA ROCKS! she is the voice of our generationnnnnnnnnn. Go gaga. Plus her fashion style is totally unique and everyone else who tries to copy it is merely a follower.
i think i might be getting a work from home job soooooon. Still very flexible hours.
Today's such a bright hot (34 degrees C) sunny day.
Himym and Jap HW beckon!
Sayonara!
--
Gee, this woman from an online tuition agency called me up and asked if I wanted to teach a student who was willing to pay $30/hour. That is very good money !!! I can just teach 2 hours per week and kick back and relax for the rest of the day. But as most attractive things go, it came with a catch. I had to tell the tutee's parents that I am an undergrad in a local Uni studying Math/Science. WTF. She claimed that she only got me the job cos I'm from a reputable JC. I admit that I wavered for a bit (the MONEYYYYY) but after a brief conversation and some debating with self, I knew I had to call them back and say that I'd gladly accept a lower rate cos I don't have the credentials to earn that much. Anyway, the person already told the dude's dad that I am from Uni so she just said she'd cancel the assignment. Yes, some heartache for what could've been a nice way to supplement my expenses and savings, but I'm glad I didn't take it.

Quite a few online tuition agencies seem pretty lax with certification. Still, that isn't as bad as the above example. That's pure lying, almost as bad as forging academic certificates. And for commission, which I understand could contribute to a person's livelihood, but still don't think it's very justifable. It's literally living based on lies. I think that's sadder than not earning as much (assuming we earn a decent sum, which is again subjective) Because it's not so bad to let other people down when they don't really want your happiness anyway and are just judging you, as long as you don't throw your own morals away. YES.

Anyway, I have also been hearing from my pals that some workplaces they encountered are totally bullshit. Not sure about the distinction between different professions. From what I've experienced, I think retail ain't that bad, mostly because you're serving customers, so the only people you would bitch about (if you wanna bitch. which i kinda understand cos working can make people cranky) is unreasonable customers to your colleagues. Admin jobs are so-so, I was immersed in an okay environment, though my friend said that if I unplugged my earphones more often, I would've realised that the bosses weren't as nice as they seemed. (speaking of nice, i think nice is not necessarily a really complimentary word. Nice is often used when we don't know people much at all or you know, i'm sure everyone is polite and diplomatic. Think being genuine or good is better.) Okay I guess this is a small but probably significant event that shouts out that there will be many times when we battle with our morals and money/status/power.

2010-02-20T08:18:00.000-08:00

It'll be too sad to go to AU REVOIR SIMONE'S concert (mosaic!!! whoo i shall penetrate the indie crowd) alone, so ... ANYONE ELSE WANNA GO/GOING? sigh, and then i think about the money i spend (am usually frugal with a few exceptions) VS the money i currently earn and how even that money almost cost me a court case because of the miscommunication between 2 people and me having to be the mediator to save my own implicated ass SIGH.
hah though it'll be cool in a way, cos it's an intimate concert. and it's only $40!!! but still, it's better to have company in the presence of good ethereal music. You just feel,somehow, CONNECTED and alone at the same time.
mindspam partner :D

New media talk!!!! Was informative. Was planning on being a hermit, but made friends with 2 people at the traffic junction where I was lost! they decided not to dump me, probably because i was useful hee, plus we clicked, so we spent the whole seminar and even time after that in Chinatown together. Nice having a comfortable talk with 2 strangers. This is why I am amazed at the idea of 2 strangers meeting anywhere and spontaneously having a really great completely unforgettable MUTUAL connection with each other, be it platonic or romantic. & I hate to say it but different school cultures really influence how some students turn out to be, which just reinforces stereotypes. Speaking of, I quite like meeting new people, even knowing that we probably won't stay in contact, it's a great way of exchanging perspectives etc. I DONATED $2 TO HAITI. pathetic i know but at least i finally did something go me :)
During the NM Q and A session, some people asked questions like 'does xiaxue really deserve to be popular even if her blog contains many grammatical errors?' (this lady came across as downright whiny.) It's 'cause she knows her readers. Obviously! Okay this might be slightly offensive but why do artsy people come across so defensive of their 'creativity' and throw around artsy abstract notions to sound knowledgeable without fully comprehending how pompous they come across?! I get that some of them are really enlightened and I think the arts can really enrich people's minds and lives, but i dislike the highbrowness of it sometimes. I've always thought that being arty farty was a respectable term, but some people really undermine its whole value. + people who talk about the arts scene in SG as if there's a huge stigma attached to it. Well, yes it currently isn't very financially viable a field to enter, but if you're at the talk you're interested in it, so why look down on your potential (or actually, current) self?
why is everyone obsessed with astrology? Heh it's fun though.
Dinner was okay. Wow, truly amazed at how intuitive someone was. I think my friends are tired out by work :/ (freelancing ftw, guys. But yes, a regular job might be good preparation for our inevitable doom)
Everyone should not be afraid to experience human emotions in their entirety.
Found this off a great blog.
"The saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad. You know, when sad tries to bite its lip and not cry and smile and go “No, I’m happy for you”? That’s when it’s really sad." -- John Mayer. Such a cool,honest quote.

Byebye, pretty busy week ahead with meetups, work (needta find more! running out or ca$h), exercise, a bit of volunteering, miscellanous and dropping in on an exciting sounding course. Life is going rather well, just as long as I don't worry much about whether life is good enough/meaningful enough/funny enough/exciting enough and wish it would be less (insert negative word here) _______, but enjoy the ride. I'm only saying this 'cus I've quite a stress-free life now. Yep, effort is wasted in anticipation or hope or dread. (OMG A LEVEL RESULTZ) We could be happier if we just do some planning ahead, some reflecting, but most of the time just live with some sort of direction. I know I do quite a lot of the former two. Not disputing my current state of contentment with occasional bouts of agony. One word shall sum it up: CHILLLLLLLLLAX.

Anyway I'm beginning to see the positive side of romantic relationships. By see, I mean observe! Quite true that our friends can't be there for us forever, they have their own lives to lead, and the definition of a close friend will change as we get older 'cus people will be busy and getting on with their own lives PLUS most importantly, the nature of romantic relationships and friendships are simply different. Which was the most basic thing I overlooked earlier. Yeah, I still think it's hard for a romantic relationship to be sustained WELL, but when it works, it will be amazing.

Ooh I saw this (graphic form)
"call someone today, and tell 'em you love 'em, and then hang up"
I called a few friends randomly, and I got texts like
"Being retard is cool" "I didn't even hear what you were saying" "wrong number?" "thought you were doing a dare" "are u drunk huh WTF kyna" + no response AND "ok ILY too BB"
hahaha ok it's just that they deem open affection as uncool lor or maybe i don't show affection (which i really disbelieve!), but i know we love each other anyway

2010-02-19T06:10:00.000-08:00

From a realllllllly detached point of view, it doesn't matter.
like really. It being a lot of things and a few things all at once. Life will move on.
It's amazing how you can go from feeling like sh!t about things to completely at peace the next moment.
(and vice versa)
STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS CONVOS FTW.
Movies that make you question everything ftw.
and dignity ftwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

"Why the prodding? Why the lack of self-esteem? Canada — snap out of it! You’re gorgeous, baby, you’re sophisticated, you live well. No need for an apology."
Love this, haha.

2010-02-18T21:17:00.001-08:00

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!
MY FRIEND AND I (and her sister and maybe her adorable miniature poodle) R SETTING UP A STALL AT THE TAMPINES WEST CHINGAY FLEA MARKET!!!!
Selling ROJAK stuff we specially selected overseas :D UNISEX! We've iPhone 3G/3Gs MATTE (2 piece) cases (they are really ultra cool esp for guys and for cool girls too duh and i wanted to keep some for myself but it doesn't fit iPod Touch!), Clothes (read below for more on some blouses), PET STUFF! Accessories, Golf stuff, Shades, FAKE EYELASHES (HAHA can't believe i bought this. so bimbo!! but i would NEVER wear them.) Key word is specially. So, if you think we have great taste, even if you think we don't, come down to our stall !!!!! Number 46!
4 bus stops down from Tampines Interchange. Think it'll be great cos there are 49 other stalls and it's all in the name of CNY. Plus YOU ALL HAVE GOTTEN YOUR RED PACKETS (UNFAIR.)

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=476048720388&ref=mf

I'm glad to be back. I rate the trip 6/10. Don't feel like doing a proper post cos uh it was basically EAT, SHOP (AND WALK!!!), EAT, SLEEP AND LOTS OF BUSINESS SHOPPING! highlights of the trip were
- eating this amazingly delicious grass jelly with chunky brown sugar. very famous, from the chaptuchak market.
- meeting this young thai woman from the chaptuchak market who is really enterprising and talented at design. (she studied communications!!!) She does her own designs (will post some pictures of the shirts here cos I bought around 10) and sells them on T-shirts, postcards, placards etc. They are AMAZINGGGGGGGG!!!!! I especially love them cos they have this gothic quality. Slightly Emily the Strange but with a hint of Ji Mi's contemplation. LOVELY! Should post pics so they can be appreciated in their full pictorial glory. But dunno if there are copyright issues? Anyway, seriously, y'all should trust my taste.
- this wonderful coconut ice-cream with semi-frozen chunks of coconut. Rents and I were eating this while staring at GIRLS CHASING AFTER MOVIE STARS. and i was thinking... Boy oh boy, I am gonna be like that WHEN I MEET PARAMORE AT THE AIRPORT!!!
- LOGAN LERMAN. found other fangirls too x) One other fangirl. and she doesn't really count bwahaha. made percy jackson memorable, as one of the movies I will remember almost solely for a guy's hawtness. Which is really rather rare. HE IS A (much hotter) NON-GAY VERSION OF ZAC EFRON. he has beautiful eyelashes, eyebrows and HIS EYES. ZOOSH. even though Annabel has more striking eyes. It's kinda rare to spot guys with really nice eyes (no offence, guys who read this.) speaking of eyes, i think ellen is really beautiful. Her big blue eyes stand out! especially with her little pixie haircut. she's more attractive than supermodels and such. Plus she has a magnetic personality and that's what makes her appealing IMO.
- got some wonderful items.
-business plans start now.
sadly, cabaret show was sold out :/ but then, had more time to shop around. and i'm not used to the prices in singapore anymore! everything seems so expensive!!

--
was wondering why thailand is famous for transsexualism (such a word?). Like it doesn't make sense if it's an actual national cultural obsession right. My mum says it's more as a form of livelihood. But i thought that was weird cos Asian countries are generally more conservative.
Ooh, and this just made my yesterday -- someone who I respect quite a lot even if I don't know the person well told someone else that we could be good friends if we talked more. Wow. Just wow. So honoured! & yeah, there're actually quite a few people I wish I had gotten to know better, in and out of school, but anyway i'm still in touch with most good buddies so YAY.

heard that some hc people are planning to stalk paramore?!?!?! Okay generally I'd think it would be weird cos we're acquaintances and I don't have a sense of belonging to the school, but what the heck I'll do almost anything for Paramore, really. And anyway it'll be fun. Speaking of HC, I really underrated its impact on me. I don't know how to explain how I changed or what exactly made me change i mean everyone changes regardless of the environment. But I like the person I am now much more than in the past! I feel more resilient and secure.
okay byebye!

2010-02-18T04:20:00.001-08:00

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!! omg this is gonna convert non-paramore (deprived individuals i would call 'em, but that makes me seem very anti-world) fans into PARAMOURS OF PARAMORE!!!!! It's amazing how a simple, sweet melody like this showcases Paramore's wide vocal and songwriting talent! :D It's different from their usual upbeat singles, but still as awesome. unbiasedly. OMG CAN'T WAIT TO STALK PARAMORE WITH THE OTHER HC-ERS and STRANGERS!!! i will just die and go to heaven on march 7!

Paramore - The Only Exception
Uploaded by gamerbab. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

2010-02-16T05:42:00.000-08:00

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!
MY FRIEND AND I (and her sister and maybe her adorable miniature poodle) R SETTING UP A STALL AT THE TAMPINES WEST CHINGAY FLEA MARKET!!!!
Selling ROJAK stuff we specially selected overseas :D UNISEX! We've iPhone 3G/3Gs MATTE (2 piece) cases (they are really ultra cool esp for guys and for cool girls too duh and i wanted to keep some for myself but it doesn't fit iPod Touch!), Clothes (read below for more on some blouses), PET STUFF! Accessories, Golf stuff, Shades, FAKE EYELASHES (HAHA can't believe i bought this so bimbo!! but i would NEVER wear them.) Key word is specially. So, if you think we have great taste, come down to our stall !!!!! Number 46!
4 bus stops down from Tampines Interchange. Think it'll be great cos there are 49 other stalls and it's all in the name of CNY. Plus YOU ALL HAVE GOTTEN YOUR RED PACKETS (UNFAIR.)
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=476048720388&ref=mf

I'm glad to be back. I rate the trip 6/10. Don't feel like doing a proper post cos uh it was basically EAT, SHOP (AND WALK!!!), EAT, SLEEP AND LOTS OF BUSINESS SHOPPING! highlights of the trip were
- eating this amazingly delicious grass jelly with chunky brown sugar. very famous, from the chaptuchak market.
- meeting this young thai woman from the chaptuchak market who is really enterprising and talented at design. (she studied communications!!!) She does her own designs (will post some pictures of the shirts here cos I bought around 10) and sells them on T-shirts, postcards, placards etc. They are AMAZINGGGGGGGG!!!!! I especially love them cos they have this gothic quality. Slightly Emily the Strange but with a hint of Ji Mi's contemplation. LOVELY! Should post pics so they can be appreciated in their full pictorial glory. But dunno if there are copyright issues? Anyway, seriously, y'all should trust my taste.
- this wonderful coconut ice-cream with semi-frozen chunks of coconut. Rents and I were eating this while staring at GIRLS CHASING AFTER MOVIE STARS. and i was thinking... Boy oh boy, I am gonna be like that WHEN I MEET PARAMORE AT THE AIRPORT!!!
- LOGAN LERMAN. found other fangirls too x) made percy jackson memorable, as one of the movies I will remember almost solely for a guy's hawtness. Which is really rather rare. HE IS A (much hotter) NON-GAY VERSION OF ZAC EFRON. he has beautiful eyelashes, eyebrows and HIS EYES. ZOOSH. even though Annabel has more striking guys. It's kinda rare to spot guys with really nice eyes (no offence, guys who read this.) speaking of, i think ellen is really beautiful. more attractive than supermodels and such. Plus she has a magnetic personality and that's what makes her appealing IMO.
- got some wonderful items.
-business plans start now. hope i can recoup some of my costs. BOOKED THE FLEA ALREADY GUYS MUST GO KKKK! it's at tampines west CC! MY FRIEND AND R ARE SELLING COOL STUFFFFFFFFFFF.

--
was wondering why thailand is famous for transsexualism (such a word?). Like it doesn't make sense if it's an actual national cultural obsession right. My mum says it's more as a form of livelihood. But i thought that was weird cos Asian countries are generally more conservative.
ANYWAY. heard that some hc people are planning to stalk paramore?!?!?! Okay generally I'd think it would be weird cos we're acquaintances and I don't have a sense of belonging to the school, but what the heck I'll do almost anything for Paramore, really. And anyway it'll be fun. Speaking of HC, I really underrated its impact on me. I don't know how to explain how I changed or what exactly made me change i mean everyone changes regardless of the environment. But I like the person I am now much more than in the past! I feel more resilient and secure.
okay byebye!

2010-02-11T08:14:00.000-08:00

Marina Barrage is really a VERY awesome place!!!!!!!! It provides a peaceful environment for conversation, grassy stretch to picnic on and the scenery is really brilliant! You can stare at the city without feeling like you're in the city. Btw, couples are the best people to ask for favours, 'cos most of the time the guy will gallantly offer his help (to impress the girl) or vice versa. Anyway, Singapore does look very cosmopolitan at night. Never noticed before that the city landscape is actually quite pretty. Sadly, half the time I had gory images in my mind about a kite's string winding itself around my neck and decapitating me, thanks to somebody's surprising morbidity.

All in all, one of the best Valentine's dates with 2 of my best buddies. Hey, who says threesomes never work?
Okay so anyway ... ended up watching Valentine's Day cos friend was gaga-ing over all the ridiculously huge (19!!!) A-lister cast. I don't blame her. It got a very bad review, and I usually trust the newspapers but it wasn't that bad, really. Popcorn flick lor. Just a sorely underdeveloped storyline. But there were standout performances from Anne Hathaway (she is really a great actress and cannot be stereotyped by the characters she plays. they are all pretty different and complex.) and Julia Roberts is always irresistible. Jessica Biel wasn't bad too I thought. TAYLOR + TAYLOR were painful to watch!!!!!!!! nooooo.

Being around a real honest friend can be painful, especially when you goad someone on to tell you the truth. But it takes a lot of courage and I would think a heck of a lot of friendship to say something potentially insulting in order to make someone face up to something.

OKAY ANYWAY BIG DISCLAIMER! I am not anti-love! Though I was planning on watching I Hate Valentine's Day instead of Valentine's Day :D but a bad anti-movie is worse than a bad pro-movie. Yeah I think I've a very narrow-minded, lopsided view of it cos of the MASS MEDIA! (yes we blame it everytime), personal observations etcetcetc. I mean, obviously when everything is going well, it will be wonderful. I guess you just have to have to experience something good to know it. Yeah i totally stand by what I've said though. Maybe will change mind next time.
anywayz. first time playing in the arcade manz. =D was awesomez!!! shooting zombies and all. i know i sucked, i;'m sure with more practise i would rock it though!

Yay. Got an offer from SFU :D Pretty happy. Might not be a very good school, but it's still heartening to get an offer of admission. Backup plan. Yeah I love the courses there actually. I applied for Communications & New Media (1st choice) and Psych (2nd). STILLLLLLL. If I don't get into UBC cos of the screwed up deadlines (the A results are out AFTER the deadline and they are required?!), that will be the stupidest reason ever.

Back to HIMYM. Robin and Barney 4everrrrr.

Till then,
HAPPY V'DAY AND CNY EVERYONE!
Off to Bangkok from 13th-16th for a wonderful CNY holiday. Won't be collecting hongbaos, but will be eating yum thai food, looking at (yum?) transsexuals, buying yum cheap clothes/accessories etc.
Jealous? Don't be.
Have fun getting plump and rich!

2010-02-09T09:29:00.001-08:00

It's strangely cathartic being wide awake at 126 am with a mild headache that threatens to get worse. Today is not just another day.
Today, I will smell the roses at Botanic Gardens, EARN $400 (IN YOUR FACE!) and sip some sparkling wine @ Marina Barrage.

But first, a meme! From my pal's LJ!

→ Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you.
→ Bold the five to ten that best apply to you.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty.[lawl] ~~Lies but doesn't pretend.~~ ~~Gets angry often.~~ Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. (depends on who duh) Emotional. ~~Decisive.~~ Strong clairvoyance.Loves to travel, the arts and literature. ~~Touchy and easily jealous.~~ Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. ~~Spendthrift.~~ Easily influenced. ~~Easily loses confidence.~~ Loves children.

--

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered.Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint.Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance.Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous. Egotistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

2010-02-06T08:03:00.000-08:00

Omgahh I love ARS's music (ha sounds like arse) listening to it transports one to a utopia. it's so beautifully otherworldly :')) Please play their music (along w Paramore's) @ my funeral. I will be a very happy dead person.
Luv this description --
"Au Revoir Simone must have beamed in from a land where lace clouds breeze over crystal lakes and icicles grow from the warm earth. This New York three-piece's glorious synth-lead alt-folk will leave you crying on the stairs in the middle of the night."
Also loving A Fine Frenzy's old new album Bomb in a Birdcage. Most organic music ever. and VGood lyrics!(true story) Barney Stinton from HIMYIM has the best quotes! ;D Though Seinfeld > HIMYM.

I wonder if there's such a thing as having that solid group of best buddies that will stick with you all the way through life, like in the sitcoms Friends and HIMYM. This was also triggered by imminent events that I really have to start facing soon. Ugh? Long-D friendships seem to work, but that level of intimacy will diminish after some time. I'd like to believe I've a very steady network of close and good friends. And I think I do, for real. But it's all really complex. Human relationships are complex cos people are complex to begin with. People start doubting others' intentions (believe me, even the best friends do this occasionally), people start accusing others of not putting in enough effort, people let their pride get in the way, people prioritise many other things, people start getting busy with their new lives, which is why it's still better to depend on oneself and maybe 1 or 2 extremely close friends. Everything else around can change at breakneck speed, as long as I'm happy with myself man. "People crave connection." Agree. Hah which is also why I think that friendships can be as important (if not EVEN MORE than) as future romantic relationships. Friends rock cos they give each other space, and it rarely becomes needy and selfish and friends hardly ever "break up". They drift apart which isn't that bad. Sadly, people seem to think their boy/girl friend is more important lor. Sarks.

But romantic relationships are a million times more intense and tend to make you irrational and worse, deprive you of individuality somewhat.? It has huge destructive potential. And it's so not worth compromising personal happiness for. And think about the attention deferred from other important things like learning new skills, hanging out with family and friends, doing something for people more or less selflessly, chasing after your own ambitions. it's scary how some people's lives revolve around someone else (i dislike the idea of it always being that ONE PERSON, i believe that we should spread the love man. the idea of being completely devoted to someone icks me out.) , I'll probably have more things to say next time but this is just the way I see it now. And anyway, I'm totally happy with my life now :D Obsessing over real-life gay guys like NEIL PATRICK HARRIS !!!!! (barney from HIMYM. Legen-wait for it-dairy!) & Glambert. When my aunt asked me if I was dating, I told her that I think dating is overrated. As in at my current stage. I'm sure a lot of other people find much bliss in it and it's rather comforting to see young couples who are able to stay committed.

Need to complete the $400 (for ONE lesson plan! How awezum is that!) assignment!
Checked out the Zouk Flea. It was supposed to be me+Chew's -cough- getting to know each other date. As we share some similar social circles, but haven't spent a lot of time together alone. Very funny indeed. (Well I did learn some interesting stuff) When we tried being serious, we just ended up laughing and whacking each other. Ah, I guess we are not meant to be soulmates afterall. Anyway, the Flea is worth going to for cool/artsy/different clothes/accessories/shows (even books and CDs!) , if you don't mind 2ndhand stuff. The unused items are generally as costly as what you would find in FarEast/Heeren upmarket indie clothes shops. I like the vintage appeal of 2ndhand clothes actl, don't mind that others have worn it, as long as it doesn't stink. Plus the range offered is great, there are things from all over the world and things you wouldn't find in shopping centres. The sellers and patrons mostly wear eyeliner (is it the in thing now?) and cool clothes and are nicely detached. Which means they basically wouldn't talk to you if they weren't selling you something. Presumptuous much! but that's the idea I get. We felt extremely bewildered. Even saw some HC people there whom we couldn't recognise. I say looking grownup is overrated. By grownup, I mean over 25 when we're...18/19? We have all the time in the world to look grownup, and when we reach the real grownup stage, we'll probably want to behave like kids again. Got a few great buys from the flea, like a roomy black genuine leather slingover at $10!!!! etcetcetc. Chew got great steals - a banana republic wallet at $5(!!! it's leathery and smells like an attic in a good way) and a rockerchick bag at the same price. The sense of satisfaction upon snagging cheap and appealing buys is really marvellous! If it's expensive it's not fun.

Anyway, the forecast for this week is - leisurely work hours, miscellanous stuff, Pre-Vday picner(picnic+dinner)!!!, possible dinner with a few good friends, (everything seems to clash!), badminton, swimming etc, and of course solitude aka spamming shows and books. CNY, so no Jap lessons I will learn all Hiragana and katakana alphabets vvv soon! and no work on Saturday cos I'll be away watching the Tiffany show (Y)! Okay starting to feel the teeniest sliver of uselessness, as most other people are engaged in employment/ (even self-proclaimed slackerpalz) NS or attachments. I turned down quite a few job propositions, like relief teaching (must wake up at 6+ every morning! will die.) and the other tuition planning job which sounds kinda boring. But the important thing is to enjoy the remaining months. I'd rather work part-time to earn some $ and continue doing the things I'm currently doing. freedom is a priority... so carpe diem! If I happen to stumble upon something, I'll at least know I have the power to choose. Corporate world, stay as far away as possible from me now!

Been stuffing brain with gd non-fiction but can only digest upon choping quotes.
Looking forward to not visiting distant relatives during CNY. Away from the 13th to the 16th! Parents chose a very opportune period to escape! it's not like I don't respect tradition, but I don't think most relatives want to see me either 'cos that means parting with their hard-earned money. Anyway, most of them will be asking the same questions aka What University course do you wanna take? is it true that ******? and mindless questions. It's just an annual obligation. Will still visit those we regularly see anyway. Will be off in Bangkok eating(thankgoodness tastebuds repel most foods), shopping and business-planning (if anyone wants accessories/clothes/shoes etc , i can help you get them. v cheap there), mum might bring me to nightclub/agua show (while she nearly skinned me when i asked about going to zirca with chicken, stick and stone. it's purely to experience it so that i can probably say that it's not my kinda thing.) I guess people are bolder in strange places. that's the undercurrent (new word from film book) Before Sunset/Before Sunrise came about and why SATS (generally) clicked better during the trip.

2010-01-28T04:29:00.000-08:00

Ahhhh. After a swim, life suddenly seems a bit brighter. I will beat N's 24 laps! Also, laughing at oneself does help ease the tension of inner dilemmas and confusion. (this is normal for teenagers, really.)
Since people seem stressed out, I shall write about a dumb incident to entertain the few people who read this. Really, I think I could compile the dumb (thesaurus?) events that happen to me or things that I do.

Was at the post office today, 'cos I had to mail a letter to my friend staying overseas. Had to buy the stamps from the receptionist. The stamps didn't have the sticky side at the back for direct pasting, so I was very puzzled. I thought it was made of some magic material that adheres to the envelope. I started banging on the stamp which lay delicately on the envelope. Like furiously banging and glaring at it when it didn't stick. Didn't work. I tried to peel off the (nonexistent) sticker paper. Didn't work. After many excruciating minutes, I licked and glued my stamp. One woman was giving me a dirty look for licking the envelope. Then whaaaat ?! No glue. The things I do for my friends. I deserve a Friend of the Year Award, really. Anyway this relates to how I lack streetsmartness. There're many more examples. It's bad. I'm not that hopeless at directions, compared to my geographically challenged peers (don't even know how to navigate the JC compound!) but I still suck at this.

50% of the blame goes to my parents, and allright, I take the rest. i mean, if i really wanted to, i could've taken the initiative to do more. But objectively, if my dad wasn't that overprotective, I would probably be a lot more streetsmart. Which is why I'm very intent on experiencing a lot and I WILL BE MORE INDEPENDENT FROM NOW ONWARDS! I have already made changes and started doing quite a lot of my own stuff. On a completely random note! this links back to marriage and the future and all. Why do people want to get married so young?!??? supposedly, people are marrying later, but that doesn't seem to be the case? An informal poll showed up 25-30 on average?! I mean, they're just saying it, but this seems to be the scenario? Assuming that most of us get into several relationships after tertiary ed, by that time they're already 21/22+and the r/s stays strong after uni, that gives girls around 6+ years and 4+ years for guys? Isn't that quite a short time to know that you wanna spend your ENTIRE life with someone? Going through A LOT with them and viewing their habits, quirks, flaws, merits and all and still honouring that promise both parties made at the start? it just seems quite intimidating to me. --> will think more after reading the Eliz Gilbert book. the title stated how she overcame her skepticism of marriage, seems a bit slanted ( but she wrote one of my fave books : eat pray love!!!)
Why do I keep thinking about the future? But it is rather exciting in all its uncertainty. & hyperopia is helpful! Still, live in the present dude. Trying to make the most of the now!

Okay anyway you know how I was going on and on and on and on and on and on .... about how I am interested in Journalism. I have no idea why I'm so centred on that instead of ... media? public relations? management? My reasons are not extraordinary. I like to write. (i can't do that well at GP essays, unless i'm lucky and get a topic i can relate to personally. but am trying to read about different things, even those i wouldn't normally be interested in) I like meeting people and going to new places and learning new things. I'm pretty open-minded and adaptive. I like asking questions. (to people who don't question my questions anyway) It sounds exciting and you get loads of psychic income and it just sounds so mind-opening. even though I don't have a distinctive writing style [yet? x0 have to work on this during my freelance period!] and I'm probably not talented enough to do Investigative journalism. Not so sure about objective reporting. Yeahhhh so see how. If I change my mind next time, then maybe I can pursue it at a higher level. It's not offered at the undergrad level anyway at the place I wanna study. Does this make me sound very indecisive? But I honestly don't get how people "know" what they want to study now. Actually, it's not that people are indifferent in general, because quite a few folks have their own ambitions. Like ... setting up animal farm/ being translators/ making movies/ authoring books. It's just that it seems a bit of a leap. And like it or not, that pragmatic mentality is ingrained in us. According to that non self help book, the only way to figure out is to keep stumbling through mistakes. Some people never find what makes them jump out of bed in the morning and justifies all the mundane saigang :/

Hah actually I think Psych is pretty interesting too. I'm going around in circles! I talked about this before. nevermind, discuss again. Quite fun and I'm waiting for HIMYM to load. Ah. But that is also why it's an option. Cos I think it tolerates disorderliness and disorganisation. Yeah so psych.. which i don't know much about. But I borrowed non-fiction books to read up on quite a few things. Next week! When this job ends yay. [Man ... I'll miss my colleague. We ended up clicking really well, so luckily we're attending Jap class tgt, setting up fleamarket stall selling a wholllle range of products and hanging out with animals after this!] There's no demand here, even for psych majors from prestigious US unis. Think it's more applicable, even though career prospects and all are very shady. Not sure which branch of psychology would be appealing. I thought it would be interesting to deal with patients themselves, but I don't fancy taking the same medication as patients and I might get emotionally involved at times. Though I'd wanna help lessen the stigma associated with mental illnesses, I don't really want to spend a large part of my life dealing with it. But I'm sure there're other branches of Psych. KIV!

And of course, Film Production :D This just makes me want to jump up and down and reunite Brangelina! Amazing. I love film! even if my taste doesn't stray very far from mainstream cinema. Starting to love more arthouse fare.

--
February looks set to be a very interesting, free period. Or boring. Depends on luck and effort. Maybe I should just freelance (love the sound of this) for a few months beyond Feb? There're a lot of things I want to do, people I want to meet, places I want to visit, books and movies I wanna enjoy. Yep, and since there's a long break now, why not make the best of it? Even though people have said it gets quite boring after a while. But if I really DO the things, Freelancing doesn't mean being free. It means ... giving tuition (good money! and interacting with students is quite fun! it gives one a [false] sense of authority) But my tutee doesn't have very good music taste! In the first 2 lessons, he insulted Paramore and Avril! Without me even declaring my profound love for them! What an asshole. I don't care if I'm being immature. Just because their songs play on the radio and they're not indie enough doesn't make them "gay" or "lame" just goes to show how people don't really try to LISTEN to the music beyond what is accessible. [this just makes my blood boil again] (okay the singles chosen aren't spectacular.. but they have much better songs. Plus Avril has the coolest attitude and Let Go was a milestone! and Hayley is one of THE. BEST. FEMALE. VOCALISTS. not to mention she was crowned sex goddess of the year by famous magazine. though it's a rather amusing title for someone who doesn't flaunt her sexual side?! ) We must've been enemies in our past lives.

Man, office life really shows up people's flaws. Disconcerting at times :/
Ohyah, green tea not really working. Weight-wise. But I suspect it's cos of the unhealthy (calorie-laden!) meals.

2010-01-25T07:34:00.001-08:00

I'm rather horrible at optimising my time. Which is why I thought that having a regular job might give me some sense of direction, boring as it might seem. Planning might be good after all. One day [vely soon!], I'll sit down (without using the computer!!) and write down just a few really crucial things that I want to achieve and see if I can actually follow through. I'll narrow the list way down and condense all the events, people, skills, research, miscellanous etc. Very irritating wanting to do so much, and not achieving a lot cos I can't seem to focus and waste time away doing things of little value.
Okay nights.

2010-01-23T23:19:00.000-08:00

THE KINDLE!!!!!!! sure beats the iPhone any day of the week.

--
just for remembrance sake. I have been very kind to censor the person's MSN name.
peace OUT says: (8:17:42 PM)
hello, you added me?
*** says: (8:17:53 PM)
hows it going
peace OUT says: (8:18:06 PM)
haha pretty okay.
peace OUT says: (8:18:13 PM)
do i know you/you know me? =D
*** says: (8:18:19 PM)
i'm 21/f your a male right?
peace OUT says: (8:18:26 PM)
nope im a girl !
peace OUT says: (8:18:30 PM)
cant you tell by my email hah
peace OUT says: (8:18:36 PM)
i'm 18 now
*** says: (8:18:36 PM)
nice, I just got off work and finally got some time to relax which site did i msg you from again?
peace OUT says: (8:18:42 PM)
not rly sure.
peace OUT says: (8:18:42 PM)
hmmm
peace OUT says: (8:18:48 PM)
do u happen to be a pramore fan?
peace OUT says: (8:18:50 PM)
*paramore
*** says: (8:18:54 PM)
I know a way we can chat and have a better time.. do you cam?
peace OUT says: (8:19:03 PM)
er no i don't cam
*** says: (8:19:13 PM)
Well i don't do yahoo cam or any other cam because i have been recorded before... But i do know one site you can watch me on cam, that assures me no one records...
peace OUT says: (8:19:28 PM)
er i dont exactly wanna watch u on cam. who are you anyway
*** says: (8:19:39 PM)
I mean... Do you want to see me on my cam?
peace OUT says: (8:19:43 PM)
no thanks.
*** says: (8:19:52 PM)
lame... no wonder ur single... [ i nearly choked on my vegetables at this point!]
peace OUT says: (8:20:16 PM)
but you're a girl and i'm a girl.
peace OUT says: (8:20:24 PM)
not that i have anything against lesbian relationships.
peace OUT says: (8:20:29 PM)
what country are u from?
*** says: (8:20:42 PM)
check me out at http://twurl.nl/5zjnhb accept the invite on the page baby

SHE CALLED ME BABY.!!!! Hmph. I won't even allow my future boyfriend to call me that. So obviously, I blocked her. Anyway, this probably was the most WTF moment of the day.
It feels quite weird to live up in the air, being suspended.
Okay so quote of the week goes to ... A. “it’s only when you get to really know people that you realize how weird they really are xD”

2010-01-15T06:20:00.000-08:00

What if there's nothing more to me
I'm just skin and bones, there's no mystery

What if you're just an empty shell
All your spare parts were used up by someone else

What if there's no way to explain
Things like deja vu and acid rain

What if we're all just broken shells
Full of someone else's thoughts

Will we be alright left alone tonight
Will we be alright left alone tonight

What if there's nothing more to us
We're just carbon-based, we're just pixy dust

What if life is a magic trick
Some quick slight of hand just to make us think
What if consciousness can't expand
And we fool ourselves with absurd demands

What if there's no point at all
We just grow up to fade away

Will we be alright left alone tonight
Will we be alright left alone tonight

Will we get lost slowly drifting through these dead and lonesome heights

What if there's nothing more to me
I'm just skin and bones
What if there's nothing more to you

What if there's nothing left for us
Will anyone remember, (or?) does it all just simply turn to dust

--skin & bones by Motion City Soundtrack

--
what people need is ... more INITIATIVE.

2010-01-11T03:37:00.000-08:00

edit//
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TJH!!!!! Just in time. words cannot express how aweshum a friend and person you are so I shall skip the mushy stuff and prevent embarrassment.

In brief... (or as brief as I can be anyway)

- Work is starting to be quite ... enjoyable actually. Not the work itself, but one of my bosses is damn cute! She has these funny expressions and littlegirl-ness that is cuter than most little girls which we (openly) laugh at. Actually, all the owners are friendly and talk to us about their vacations and gave us pointers for our upcoming overseas trips. Point is, they don't act like our bosses. Which is quite wow. & I get along well with another girl who's the same age. Hah actually there are only a few people in the office. the setting is very informal. WSaid friend and I did a lot of stupid stuff like busybodying around and browsing the classifieds to call up adspeople offering jobs like PRIVATE INTESTIGATING (lawl! i seriously wanted this. it sounds so interesting plus i am a natural busybody but on hindsight, it's dangerous. anyway, i would need motorbike/professional video camera. and i forgot that it's nearly impossible to tail people via public transport. and public transport is so ex now) and this interesting red-wine promoting one that sounded so dignified but turned out to be at a coffeeshop. like those women in slutty attire promoting beer to pervs. No disrespect meant to those who really don't have a choice. So much for Lady Gaga and red wine. har. So work is fine. the next month should pass by quickly, esp with extra assignments on the sidelines and meetups here and there.
am still extremely sad about moving house, sigh. I will come back often to haunt it. that day, i was lying down on the situp exercise plank (trying to make myself sound enthusiastic about exercising here) and staring up at the sky, but many trees blocked my vision. And they swayed slightly in the very warm breeze. (just picture it okay, i don't know how to describe scenery vividly) I don't know how that is related to my home, but I just realised that i can actually be attached to places. The only other place I have such feelings for is Nanyang, but that is partly due to my narrow-minded idealistic view of childhood innocence Very interesting. i imagine it to be like how people never forget their first love.
- SPH interview. May not have very high chance of getting the internship 'cos i'm not applying for the scholarship. Stilllll.
- Teo Heng is my new fave Karaoke place! it's at katong shopping centre. Had an awesomely fun time there. The selection is much better than Kbox's, the operating system is touchscreen, there are two TVs, it's MUCH CHEAPER than ____, near to my house. only cons are that the room is a bit tiny, but i guess you could say it's cosy and it's quite far for most people. Oh and relaxing strolls at ECP always rule. I would like to go to the secluded beach with someone again one day. Someone does not need to be a romantic partner. ~~Don't get wrong ideas, TJH. Though I do know you wanna go there with me too.~~
- the katong/parkway parade area has a lot of good food. katong laksa, yoshi, waffles w icecream, carl's jnr, pepperlunch, Mac's, Pizzahut, subway, hawker centre (char kway teow has a lot of calories =/ sugarcane juice too. but green tea has 0 calories. and aids metabolism. i'm drinking a lot of the latter everyday :D will tell y'all if it works)
- been sticking to modified exercise plan, go me. but it doesn't seem to be having much effect.
- visiting the 4 dogs and the 15year old one (105 dog years old!) at the photocopy shop almost daily ~~during work~~ . I love Poms! Man. I love dogs. My fave used to be the maltese, but it's a bit -.-''' to like a dog cos it's cuter. I like big dogs too.Animals minus insects rock. They don't talk and they are such wonderful beings.
- Fashion Design & Dressmaking sounds cool, a bit challenging though. No sewing machine. Plus it's on fridays!
- The organisations are quite inflexible, but by hook and crook, I'll find something worthwhile to contribute to. I will.
- i have a big problem organising my thoughts properly, even in writing! this is really gonna be a big challenge.
- The HURT LOCKER! yay discovered another one of my favourite movies of all time =] It explained the war in Iraq to a noob like me and was, as my dad pointed out, a fascinating character study.
- several upcoming outings, hopefully a great film and talking date with some of my favey peeps
- uni apps are very troubling, not because i procrastinate (totally debatable) but cos we don't seem to know what exactly the unis want. even though it's stated in english. it is really a very weird reason not to be rid of applications.
- ANYONE WANNA JOIN A BEATBOXING COURSE [WITH MEEEEE]. i found this really good + famous beatboxing coach who charges 80 bucks an hour, so if around 3 or 4 of us split, it'll be affordable. sounds like an unforgettable experience.
- will be hiatusing after this for a while from the usual activities except work, MAJOR PACKING to be done, adapting to new home, and my parents will yell at me if i don't help out.yep and i need some cooling down breathe-in-breathe out time. relaxing activity very welcome. fellow budding meditators and yogis, please enlighten me with your wisdom.
- also, need to memorise paramore lyrics. i've got most of riot! done i think. and brand new eyes :D (best album yet!) yepp been making friends with fellow fans. might be going with my cousin, i guess our childhood enmity has dissipated in the face of the gr8est band alive [!!!!!] planning my hair and outfit now. are orange streaks and black tights ahlian? i'm sure march 7 will be one of the best days and nights of my ENTIRE LIFE. us fanz united in adoration for paramore. it'll be great to see how this fantastic band has impacted others with their amazing music.
- Valerie has great clothes. the store I mean.
- even though i joke about it, i'm kinda =/ that my chinese is in its current state. quite rarely. but ultimately, I wanna be able to speak and write 4 languages well, and it doesn't make sense if i don't exercise my supposed s'porean bilinguality. my writing is okay cos of much drilling though i doubt it is anymore, but my verbal chinese is just ...velly sad. xiao1niao1. Chinese is a cool language and many of the chinese characters and sayings have meaning. Yeah so my friend and i r gonna help a student at the place we're working at with his english, and in return, he'll help us with chinese. And have fun laughing at each other in the process;] uh at least me. my friend has no love for her mother tongue haha.

2010-01-05T07:03:00.000-08:00

Before Sunrise is (very possibly) one of the best romance/poignant/realistic/enlightening films I've EVER watched.

2010-01-02T06:56:00.000-08:00

all rightie, this is a bit late but better late than never.
New year's eve/day was hilarious !!! Spent a spontaneous eve with Stone and Stick, with them snooping around the store while I pretended to work, before unceremoniously leaving them rushing off to Vivo Countdown at 1141pm. Then I spent New Yr in the MRT staring at strangers. [I have perfected the Avril sulk. Speaking of, avril's canon commercial! avril really is, objectively, one of the prettiest famous people i the world ! (can't use the word celeb since she hates it)
glad to say that i quit my retail job. even though i was starting to make friends with the people, can wear eyeliner and dress funkily for work, i got scolded pretty badly by my relative who is one of the bosses there though i don't feel like i did anything wrong, apart from the sudden resignation which was ... fine, completely my fault. But the hours were crazy! Still, wasn't like I was doing all that much anyway. & most importantly, I wasn't gaining much. my conscience is clear and i leave in good spirits ... after 2 days !!! Mega Lawl.
Back to the admin job temporarily it's really not that boring the office environment and some of the people are nice actually, and the arrangement is flexible XD can just listen to music and do work and I was so inspired after looking at Chem stuff that I started writing a poem about Chemistry. Ah double meaning. Been ages. It got quite good feedback from S and J so maybe it'll turn out okay. heh, but i think my colleagues think i'm weird for going off without waiting for them to have lunch together once. (i had nothing to do! besides, i like my own company sometimes. what's wrong with that?) from here, we'll see how it goes.
Recently caught The Matrix and The Matrix:Reloaded they're really awesome!!!! Amazing action sequences interspersed with deep philosophical conversation and interesting science-fiction narratives. I prefer the supporting cast to the main cast who don't really have the chance to display their acting skills. Yep thought the 1st was better. Very tired when watching the show, i think some of the themes are the types that can keep you awake for hours at night but i guess that's what distinguishes it from other action movies.
The new year has arrived at a rather appropriate time cos all our old stuff is being packed away/given to others/sold. Don't really like clearing old stuff cos I like keeping things, especially cards, notes but I guess the parts of the past that are important might hopefully pop up suddenly one day when memories of the events are triggered.

New Yr's resolutions --
(character-wise)
--> i'm rather determined to take my life to another level. In terms of being fulfilled in a lot of things. One in which I am really living, and hopefully also to inspire others to BE and LIVE. sounds so hocus pocus, but i'm serious. i wanna be more extreme and take risks and challenges and live on the fringe and edge of life. i will show my gratitude by using all that energy and opportunity given. also, it's impt to experience things with an even more open mind and to be honest to myself and to others who deserve it without forgoing some intrigue. This year, I had this revelation that it's v important to me at least to be more honest and authentic with other people whom i believe might reciprocate. even if i don't think they would, i still think it's important to behave according to your beliefs and not according to how other people are. yeah, but obviously those traits would emerge properly with better friends. also, to really commit to something which i like. to be discerning yet give the world a chance. A BETTER SENSE OF HUMOUR! be more free-spirited and whimsical. all this on a more personal level. yup. i've a few ideas that are yet to be put into action. that's just me. you don't really expect me to achieve everything i set out to right! i shouldn't discredit what i've been doing. here is a pat on the back!
-- > get those materialistic desires. I made a list. Less than 10 items, though most of them are rather pricey :/ not my priority though. after working for really long 11-hour shifts, the value of $ and all of that really hit home. i have really been leading a comfy life. I can't say that's totally fair, because there are so many better people out there who definitely would "deserve" my place more BUT life's like that.
-- > UNI/ACADEMIC STUFF. i hope i do well for it, really. and that the University of my choice accepts me. I believe I'll be a much happier person studying there. i put in the effort this year and tried hard to change whatever was wrong about my study methods.
-- > LEARNING NEW SKILLS! this will happen, definitely. even if it happens during university. as i mentioned, beatboxing, songwriting, continuing w french, japanese, electric/acoustic guit, yoga etc.
-- > READ! WRITE! :DDD more nonfiction, more good fiction. open my mind right up. Aiming for ~ 2 books a week!
--> IMMERSE MYSELF IN GOOD FILMS/SHOWS! hey i want this to be a part of my career in the future. If i have the option, I definitely want to study film production as a minor at least.
--> TRAVELLING! My favourite activity. Some places in mind to visit in my lifetime would be ... Paris [musee du louvre!] , Bhutan [!!!!!] with Stone & Yanne!, Tibet, Greece, New York City!, roadtrip in America with Yuk travelling on highway 19, Japan again!, Spain, Hawaii, Egypt.
--> Community Service. I've heard how some OCIP, or even Local CIP experiences have really made a huge difference to some people. While I don't expect it to be very awe-inspiring, I'm in a position to help other people, and I'm quite embarrassed by how self-interested I am, or that I am more concerned about my immediate life and those around me usually. So yeah, I will go volunteer at an organisation, tried contacting a few already, and maybe get a bit closer to what altruism means.
-- > FAMILY stuff! glad to say that things are looking up on this front, especially with the cousins. In '10, the most important would be to stick up and stick by my parents, as i say, family is the only real unconditional relationship at least from what i have seen. everything considered, my parents are the best.
-- >maintaining and making old and new friendships respectively. Yeah I'm really glad that '09 turned out to be a great year despite the physical detachment from quite many people. Actually, a lot of us are pretty emotionally independent. even though i externalise my internalities, that's more of being open than reliant, but it's great to always have a sturdy group of close friends to go through life with, yeah and i'm glad our understanding of one another has immensely deepened and that we care about one another truly in such a cold dark world (HA) yeah and i'm glad that my friendships are generally not uni-dimensional, i just find that real friendship is partly about comprehending a person's complexity. HAH but thankfully most of my friends are bimbos! KIDDING. But also I guess there isn't much chance to get to know people better and sometimes people like to keep it that way. then again, you have weird people like gerass who are totally unemotional. Yeh to more fun, crazy, enlightening, deep, happy times with some of the coolest people around! let's keep it strong.
-- > LOSE WEIGHT! nope i'm not one of those annoying skinny peeps who complain about their weight. i need to lose quite a few KG. been leading a sedentary lifestyle this year so those kilos have got to go! after moving to new place, will swim or jog every alternate day at least! i'm already cutting down on what i eat.

for a confused-at-times 18 year old, i ain't doing so bad. !let's make 2010 a great year and live high, mighty and intensely.!

2009-12-26T06:55:00.001-08:00

Finished Season 2 of True Blood, really recommend it! it's one of the better tv shows i've watched! It's based on the Southern Vampire series of novels. and don't you scoff at the word vampires. it's better than twilight + those twilight imitation shows !!! I rock cos I managed to stomach all of that gore and nearly X-rated stuff. But it has very strong characterisation and plot and subplots and is very very very very x 10000 entertaining and you don't really need to use your brain much but it's quite smart too i think, or at least manages to surprise the viewer almost every episode xD Starting on SEINFELD soon :D have watched the last season, but not all 9 seasons entirely. It's one of my fave series despite knowing little about it, because the characters are so quirky and weird and it's really random and VERY VERY FUNNY. whoo and all those cool movies like Bourne Trilogy, Matrix trilogy and LOTR etcetcetc. damn jealous my friend got a matte black electric guit >.>
sleepover XtremeECPMarathon jobhuntingandhoppingaroundorchardwithpal swinginginthecreepyparkatnight and then 4 gross days of work here i come. i'm trying to juggle 2 jobs, this way i won't get too bored. Dunno how I'm gonna survive work next time, I have quite a short attention span and need to feel engaged if not I just zone out.

random. i think grandparent/grandchildren r/s are q one-sided, sadly. grandparents dote on us a lot though we dont seem to be able to give much back in return. It's probably one of the saddest things. Like we never really get to KNOW our grandparents even though they are our family.

may 2010 kick the ass of 2009. 2009 was remarkably unremarkable in retrospect, besides the rocking friends made and kept obviously. I don't recall doing anything great. Actually, I don't recall doing anything great in my 18 years of existence either, besides appreciating great stuff by great people which is nice and all but different from the sense of accomplishing something by ourselves, but let's not get into that, hah, my cousin (in sec 3 only and so jaded sigh she's young she still has hope) and we were talking about how meaningless life is and she thinks we are extremely small components of the solar system which is like a body and someone else is controlling our actions. most of it was spent trying to get in the zone for A's and i have no idea how i'll do for it. friends were saying they are having panic attacks now even though the DAY OF RECKONING (ha) is ... more than 2 months away. wahlau my mother was saying scarly (sp?) i don't have any mood to go for paramore concert after getting my results. supportive much. eek now it's really up to me to see how things go which is SCARY! -gulps- i'm gonna have to be a lot more independent next year, regardless of where i end up.

Just saw this in Stick's CV.
"Most Courteous Student Award of Class 307 for the Year 2006"
=)

2009-12-24T08:50:00.000-08:00

I just had the effin' worst first day of work ever. Legs aching like mad - imagine standing up for almost 11 hours straight with a short time for meals and toilet breaks -, feeling incredibly out of place and basically watching everyone else go around celebrating xmas eve. Joy. I was fossilising at some points. Man why on earth did I choose to do this, I thought the place would be cool and it is but it's not worth it. Okay pros are listening to Lady Gaga (she is cool and eccentric! and her songs are not just manufactured), Paramore the great and Jason Mraz's music playing non-stop but retail is horrible if you can't sit down much. Now I know how pampered I am. & that $ is hard to earn. Sweat and tears go into it, literally. Mental and physical suffering might be good for the soul, but I'm definitely not sticking around since I ttly didn't gain anything except people-watching.I'm not blaming the company cos people were considerate but it was just really hard work regardless. & it's sad that s'pore is becoming more commercialised in terms of shopping centres, fashion etc. Many people really looked the same to me after a while, wearing the same clothes, shopping at the same places, chasing after the same things following the same trends. Reminds me of the we are "becoming commodified mass consumers" argument. anyway, i guess in the LR, i'll look back at this as a terrible one-off thing.

Imma stick it out for a week or month or so since there are other choices. For work, the 2 main criteria are pay OR experience. if it can't fulfill either one well, then there doesn't seem to be much point continuing it. by experience i mean it should be something interesting that orientates you or that is a completely different thing that you're keen on trying. Found this v cool job, which requires q a lot of entrepreneurship because the business is still in its formative stage, so there's an option. Will be challenging plus the pay is good, i'll definitely get to learn more about business, one area which i'm quite interested in and i met some fellow HC-ers who were surprised to learn that being in HC wasn't the best 2 years of my life. I just didn't feel like I belonged to the school. & i don't think it's surprising. Many people I've talked to feel the same about JC life. It wasn't really memorable for me at all, besides the friends I made of course. Currently working part time so i have time to do other activities most imptly doing something I really enjoy or which is a new/old skill. There are some other things I need to FINISH too. Think the best way to spend the next few months is to devote time partially to several jobs, and spend the rest of the time doing things i like or just have an internship to gain work experience which is more valuable than cash at this point in time. Not too sure about the internship cos supposedly, interns are made to cover undesirable news events like murders/suicides/crime or just follow reporters around. :/ -gulps- well, i did say i wanted to try something new. it all depends on the interview, anyway.

I enjoyed the weeks after A's. Don't think there will be much more time to relax, do my own things and meet up with good friends. ECP + my attic rock! it's great getting to know people better and/or having a lot of fun. Both are good times spent, and I'm quite glad I'm getting to know people I didn't really get to know quite well. Even though i guess people don't really want to say what they think, it's great to have several close friends and other great pals and sincere people around. That way the relationship is a lot less superficial and it won't just dissolve. when people leave, there won't be much regret at least cos a certain level of understanding would've been established."emotions are overrated' says sa5m. even though the post-A period passed in a blur much like the past 2 years, it was still very relaxing albeit sort of aimless. Which isn't necessarily bad. I mean the whole point of youth is to do indulgent stuff, somewhat!

Xmas day shall be productive! not my fault my family doesn't rly celebrate it. Oh but I got presents. Smexy red specs and the Paramore ticket! & cards =] Mosta the cards I wrote haven't been sent out, cos most people seem to be overseas. Gonna watch True Blood. On season 2 already whoo~ :D Hey it's really smart, sexy and dark despite all the gore and explicit stuff. & for a weird premise, it's actually more realistic than a lot of other shows. speaking of weird, THE FRENCH ARE WEIRD. french films are the weirdest i've ever seen, full of totally unguessable twists! watched one that day at AF cos my friend got free tickets and it's totally ... bizarre. Yeah was discussing shows with someone that day and here's just a quick list of must-watch tv shows :
-> the big bang theory
- > Bones
- > House
- > Weeds
- > 90210 or Privileged
- > Vamp Diaries
- > How I met Your Mother
- > Lie to Me (sounds rather cool. it's about this person who can read facial expressions)
- > try to continue with heroes/prisonbreak
- > SEINFELD! favourite american sitcom EVER.
- > Little Britain subsequent seasons xD
- > Family Guy

wanted to try watching more Asian shows to honour my heritage and all. Heard that Iris is good. Okay so itinerary is 5 eps of True Blood, Finish 1 uni app, advertise ebay stuff, read book (must start reading non-fiction like Gladwell the great) talk to people on MSN, watch District 9! and go jogging and most importantly, quit that bloody job soon.

2009-12-12T04:41:00.001-08:00

OMG PARAMORE'S COMING TO SG ON MARCH 7! bought my standing pen tickets. Alone! See, that just goes to show how much i love ~~Hayley Williams~~ Paramore! :D But I'm a really lousy fan cos I haven't even joined the fan club & I hardly read their LJ/fansite throughout this hectic year. Yeah, I know a few people who are going, but we're more of acquaintances. Am trying to get some friends I know better to go down. so far, 3 are considering. If it fails, I'll just have to make new friends with fellow parAMORE lovers :D
Shall go down early and queue o/s the stadium and find some fans and start singing paramore songs. Maybe I shall design a poster! I swear that during Avril's Bonez Tour concert, she glanced at my beautiful red&black poster! :D I still have it!
am very much looking forward to this concert, needless to say. I imagine that seeing paramore live will be an out-of-body experience much as how I was stunned to see Av in real life during her tour. It was just so surreal, especially since I was a downright rabid fan at the time. Haha just go read all my older posts. Every single one mentioned AvLav. In the meantime, I've a lot of reading up to do. Browsed through their LJ. Hayley posts insightful, philosophical and religious stuff, laced with her own sense of humour. + A lot of her beliefs emerge from what she writes. Don't really know other bands/singers who are brave enough to write about such personal stuff on a public domain. And some of it is captured in their songs. which reminds me... i haven't bought brandneweyes:/ was waiting for borders to stock cos i've a gift card le sigh oh but i asked for it! and the person asked me whether i was going to their concert and i said YES and we revelled in a brief solidarity of being paramore fans hahaha.

This week has passed quickly as have many other weeks. There were moments of unadulterated fun and good conversations with others. Actually, a lot of barriers seem to be coming down.
Truth&dare was an absolute disaster. hello, the point of it is to reveal things about yourself which you would rather not reveal to anyone. what i concluded from a rather unsuccessful attempt at weaselling anything out of anyone is that people are private. i guess others' privacy should be respected. for someone who encourages openness, i'm not exactly very open myself, though more than average.
It was really quite cool that despite many years of absence, the bunch of us primary school pals talked about rather deep stuff after an absolutely bonkers time @ kbox. I took note of many of teojoo's blonde moments.
"What is honey water?"
"Honey & water."
--
Something about abortion and no baby.
--
"Hey, I like Lily Allen."
"F*** you."
"What the hell? I didn't do anything."
"I mean the song la!"
--
okay it doesn't sound funny at all but teojoo is really funny in a wtf way. you have to see it to know it.
I crown Teojoo the queen of blonde moments! but a particularly deep queen.
We filmed our very own music vid of You Belong With Me! Taylor Swift songs are great to sing along to with a group of people. Woah, actually I didn't really think paramore songs were very analysable, I'll definitely read more into them. then 4 of us had a philo talk @ the fountain probably because of joojoo the blur but cheem KI expert. i don't believe in the idea of A soulmate. But perhaps true (unconditional) love does exist. & maybe romantic love can be un-needy. contrary to popular belief, not all guys our age are immature :] and basically, it's good that i didn't encounter or become the subject of bitching/gossiping in JC. The people I interact more with are usually not very interested in such things. Eh i guess it's somewhat quite natural to wonder about other people, but I think that if relationships revolve mainly around discussing other people's lives, it's a bit pathetic, and everyone has their own lives to lead anyway.
Still feel a sense of emptiness. Perhaps it's just transitory. Or maybe because the end of the year is fast approaching and there was no physical detachment from SG. I'm not exactly trying to seek my purpose in life, I don't think it's that easy to find. Plus, I don't really think that we are destined to have a certain goal. Maybe the majority of us will stumble into something we feel rather contented to do. Yeah i'd be quite satisfied to earn some money, get some working experience hopefully successfully pass the sph internship interview &/OR snag that tuition job which sounds great cos the people there are comfortable working as a team and it's more than just teaching -> marketing/improvising etc, volunteer at charities like mercyrelief or make-a-wish foundation (both of which haven't replied:/)My parents paint a rather bleak portrait that it's q impossible to pursue both money and passion, to put it very simply and bluntly. Then again, I don't really agree with some of their ideals.
I'm trying to get a job @ Gramophone (!!) through contacts but even if I do, I don't think I can fit in cos the people there all look very cool in the eyelinerpiercingsihaveattitude way.
I still blog in conditional tense, it's really quite irritating, but i guess it's cos there really is nothing particularly eventful happening in my life now. i mean going out with friends is eventful (depending on who the friend is) but there's only so much going out. I did enjoy the meetings whereby the location was somewhere more relaxing, but more importantly the company
Quite lucky to have someone else, a good friend, to settle Uni stuff with + other issues. There is solidarity in confusion.
Oh! I have an unusual way of getting $. Am selling a lot of old items on ebay, mostly in good condition, cos my family is moving and there will be much less space to store stuff. you can check out my account - kynang3. A lot of old CDs/books. From ancient times so please do not associate the books i used to read with the current me. heh.
Beatboxing introductory course?
My life has no meaning anymore. I have to wait till April before the next season of Glee comes out. But I have found TrueBlood. Affinity with vamps:/ Lazy to read the divine comedy! it's supposed to be a classic and full of rich historical allegories and all that, but my mind needs a break ... from mindless activity.
Next week is Yuk week. She is leaving for a VERY long time. Extremely saddening. Yuk is one of my dearest, oldest, best friends. 4 years is not very long but it feels like I have known Yuk for ages. Flaws and all, Yuk is a very authentic very awesome breed! Most of the time, the more I get to know someone, the scarier it gets, and it's really quite hard sometimes to continue liking and believing in your friend when you see their flaws in their misshapen glory. Probably others feel the same way about me. But I guess that period of doubt would be crucial to truly regard someone else as a close friend. Probably won't see Yuk much unless we both work in SG in the future. Yes, there is always MSN, and yes, she will probably be happier in the States. Oh well. I think long-distance friendships can work. But only if the bond is very strong to begin with. Romantic relationships probably not due to the element of neediness.
Bye! Will be back when I have better news and when blogger's block stops.

2009-12-05T00:22:00.000-08:00

Memoirs of a 5-year-old Me

If I was an Octopus

If I was a octopus, I would have eight arms. I would like to be pink. I would search for pink, yellow, red and blue starfish to eat. I could see colorful fish like angel fish, pink fish, yellow fish, and red fish and other fish. My favorite fish is a starfish because it has five arms and I am five years old. I would have black ink. When I saw a fish I would squeeze my black ink at them. I would like to have pink, cute little octopus. I would feed my babies until they grow strong like me. They would be so cute that I would tickle them. Being a octopus is the best! I like to be a octopus. A octopus is the best because it has eight arms. A octopus could swim under the sea or in the ocean. One day my pink baby octopus was caught. I called my friend the hammer head shark to eat the man and he ate him out.

Ha I actually wrote that.

--
I LOVE GLEE! happy nice pop songs. i'm a sucker for perfectly executed pop music.

the new place i'm going to stay at is quite cool it has south african decor and a large pool and karaoke and bbq pits, BUT i would trade it for my current abode.

recently, i've been feeling this general sense of irritation/irritability. Not really sure who it's directed at, probably compounded by many different factors. Think it's partly to do with the constant FB updates maybe I should just deactivate the damn thing, and that I've been staring at the com for pretty much the whole day trying to work on uni apps and trying to praise myself when I honestly don't see how they are going to judge me based on these so-called achievements I don't necessarily feel proud of. Just really sickened. And headachey. Finishing it up though. And then. I need serious relaxation. Feel very irritated. Bleagh. The best medicine is to be left alone for the weekend and i'll function normally the coming week. I should just do what I really want to do. It's not like I have all the time in the world. Think it's also this sense of disorientation. Like ... I'm not really a student anymore? What am I, exactly? I'm kinda sure it will fade away once I get things I don't like doing out of the way. And find some purpose. Even though much time was spent prepping for A-levels, and that time was meaningless, the uncertainty of everything is being felt NOW because there's nothing left to distract me anymore.

after this thought-provoking talk, we decided that thinking is bad. i'm gonna eat my words coz i think thinking is good actually. i know! it depends on what type of thinking. like if it's teenage drama, then it's bad. if it's ... not teenage drama, then it's good. haha that's dumb. anyway, i don't know why people think i think a lot. i guess it's just the way i blog and talk sometimes. Hur but I know people who think infinitely more! a friend said that i'm weird, because everyone thinks a lot too, it's just that they don't voice it. some thinking is good, but then if you think too much, everything just becomes more complicated. and anyway, i guess it's better to do things rather than think. life is meant to be enjoyed. unless you can think objectively. but if you're the sort who likes thinking, then think! if i feel troubled, i'd confide in someone or go do something unusual that i've never done before which will remind me that my life is a trivial speck of nothingness in the face of the entire history of time and the universe. oh and then i'll enter the nihilistic phase again. thinking can be like trying to analyse the *&&*(&)*&( sph passage that was given to us. aren't hatred and contempt the same? okay fine i'm not a wordsmith.

another momentous event was having my first proper conversation with S. By proper, I mean there was less sarcasm than usual and I wasn't being verbally attacked every other sentence. and we actually, well, talked. S is one of the more interesting people i know. I've never really met anyone like her before. we circled the mall millions of times and spotted couples we knew and ny teachers.

a job (har i managed to get a one-day task so far. i the odd job labourer!) + funky classes + doing something for society, though this is subject to my schedule + very crucially, hope the internship is approved. if it is, i will be very busy next year though :/ oh but yay to irregular hours, i like!

I have been moving my a$$. i just need to wait. don't feel that aimless anymore, great.

next week will be quite busy. meeting up with primary school friends @ Kbox :D sounds like major fun hope they have expanded their repertoire beyond barbie girl/britney/backstreet boys/old avril songs, MOE job stint, a day at my house + ECP with sec2palz, SATs? + obviously stay at home and finish my books and gleek and check out contiki.
anyway, haven't really seen much at all of several really good friends. Should spend some quality time together, people!

i'm ambivalent about prom. pre-prom will be quite amusing i guess. We are bonkers to go all the way to simei wth, oh but it's convenient for me. prom will be a big social event. probably the last time seeing everyone together in the same place. think it's quite weird eh, like the last image you have of your batchmates in general is one of them all glammed up. heh hope the activities are not as boring as NY grad night. aiya, but good company to talk to. people talk during prom right? instead of just taking photos. eh, must do something spontaneous! okay. think it will be quite fun, afterall, good company! let's relax and have a great time. haha i assume. and that it isn't as boring as Grad Night since more friends will be there.hope nothing obscene happens to urm anyone. even yucky people. ha. and shuyi wearing a bigini. my outfit isn't really revealing, but i think it makes a bit of a statement. I hope it's a good statement. okayz ciao be back when life's more exciting.

2009-11-29T19:46:00.001-08:00

Love her hair!
Electric Blue is cool too. -wonders if i can carry off a milder version of that without looking ahlian and without being permanently grounded-

let bygones be bygones. =D

2009-11-27T20:51:00.001-08:00

LIJING IS 21!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! very surprising, right? she behaves my age, seriously, especially around her nicole lim. why does nicole lim seem to belong to everyone? anyway, LIJING ROCKS. she is a great friend and quite a great person. despite her act-cuteness, okay i guess she really is quite cute sometimes but only when she doesn't try, and obsession with sunscreen and cute stuff and dunno how many idols, she rocks! i am repeating myself. anyway, she's a very mature friend who gives great advice and is really objective and experienced. she has this wise vibe and she's in control of her emotions. and she is fun to make fun of! and she is a great friend! LIJING ROCKS! and she is 21! thank you lijing, i really wouldn't have expected us to communicate so well, i think your english is much better than my chinese sadly, but i will improve by writing more chinese and texting more chinese, for being a great friend to talk to about a lot of things, for being very amusing and light-hearted and making school days happier, but for being the voice of reason. your personality rocks! we will be good friends for a very long time! damn happy i got to know lj better this year =D it's my honour. LJ 石头!

I feel like I have incurred a great debt. Blew quite a lot of $ on threadless tees (thanks yanne! no sarcasm intended. i am broke D:) when I haven't even found any assignments yet :/ But i walked around the whole estate today to distribute flyers. So exercise for the day + shameless self-recommendation were accomplished simultaneously. Actually, I do not need much $. While the allowance I get pales in comparison to many others, I don't spend much. But I spend quite a lot on CDs, iPods (haha i plan to expand my collection to include every single iPod model ever created !!! -evil cackle-) impulse buys, gifts etc. Still, most of the things I enjoy most cannot be bought. Music. (i only buy CDs when i like the singer/band and not just a few of their songs) Film. (free movie vouchers) Books. (get from library. borrow from friends. buy.) Clothes - sometimes but I'm not a big shopper. Most of the time I get bored easily when shopping 'cuz everything looks the same after a while and I won't spend too much $ on clothes I like, unless I really x10 like it but i don't often really really like something enough to splurge. Yeah but $ is needed to buy air tickets for travelling which i plan to do a lot of, stalking paramore and other bands, gigs, picking up new skills, hopefully flying away with a bunch of friends on a pilgrimage that will *magically* change our lives.
In the next few months, time shall be meaningfully spent, with a great deal of fun, depth, humour, harmless confusion etc. We shall confront our inner demons bravely and wringe out remnants of regret.

I read 2 books! The first one was dismissed as chick lit by someone who saw the book. the cover is horribly misleading. the title too. "good girls gone bad" it is not ! ! ! it is about this group of women who are slightly mentally unsound. or have issues that are generally linked to their BGR issues. or so they say. let's assume they are mostly BGR ones. One is a stalker of her ex-boyfriend, one lives with her mum and wears garish clown makeup, one is scared that she will get HIV through the TV, one is a sex addict and commitment phobe, one binge-eats whenever she feels insecure etc. and they join this psychotherapy group. and the main character comes to terms with her mother's suicide (sylvia plath style) which she can somewhat identify since she entertains suicidal thoughts. i thought the most interesting part was how the protagonist (an actuary, something like an accountant) enjoyed her work and there were anecdotes on how the logic of mathematics correlates with real life or completely contradicts it in some cases. i don't think it was just about empowerment, because the females actually backstabbed each other at some parts, ironically due to relationship conflicts, but in the end, their pact somehow united them through more important things than just romantic r/s like family, friendship etc. it seems to have more depth but when I was reading it, I didn't take too much notice. Recorded down some intriguing quotes though. it is more about small personal triumphs and is really engaging a read! Love the characters. great book!

Perfume is quite interesting too. Watched the movie a long time ago. The language is a bit heavy and overly descriptive, depends on personal preference I guess.

I WANNA WATCH GLEE XDXDXD

List of Movies!
Prozac Nation
ALICE IN WONDERLAND (march '10)
Fantastic Mr Fox
~~Coraline~~ great movie. the entire set was painstakingly handmade and filmed using stop-motion! the set pieces are amazing. and they had to move the characters centimetre by centimetre. the detail just blew me away. watched it twice. dark, scary, quite deep if you think about it.
An Education
The Professional (recommended by Yuk the great)
Whip it
New Moon
Humpday
Before Sunset
Before Sunrise
Gone with the Wind
Scoop
La Vie En Rose
Zombieland
The Informant!
The Lovely Bones
~~UP!~~ hey i thought it was rather simple, sweet and even truly funny at some parts. better than most animation movies i guess, which i don't usually like to watch.
- to be continued -

2009-11-25T04:55:00.000-08:00

My parents are the bomb!

2009-11-23T19:14:00.000-08:00

from heycheri:

When something terrible happens to you, don't announce it to the world and expect tons of sympathy. Don't expect someone to run in and sweep you off your feet to make you feel better. Handle your shit with dignity. If you're doing it to get support from people, just straight up ASK for it. Something like, "You guys, I'm going through some really tough times right now and sure could use a friend." People appreciate the honesty and are typically happy to step in and help you out.

So if you find yourself complaining about how much your life sucks and envying that bitch across the street who seems to be doing so much better than you, do yourself a favor and strive to be more like her. Because it's obvious that she's not even acknowledging that type of negativity and seems to be doing well regardless of the haterade. Do yourself a favor and slap the shit out of yourself. HANDLE YOUR OWN BUSINESS. Other people don't shit what you eat. No one's going to care when you complain about the horrible crap happening to you. FIX IT. ONLY EAT THE GOOD STUFF. ONLY PUT YOURSELF IN A POSITION TO BE HAPPY.

--
GO HEYCHERI! :)

i did try to push some people forward along the way, i'm not merely concerned about my own opportunities. i honestly want my good friends or respectable people to be able to achieve what they want to. or at least have someone to talk to about their problems or confusion. who doesn't experience that? i might not be as considerate as people who put others first at their expense, i'm not noble, but if it's within my reach, i would definitely help. i tried. but it's ultimately up to the individual. you have to want it badly enough and fight for it, and even if you fail, you have to fight again. keyword here is fight. complacency doesn't get one anywhere special. i suppose i can say all this because of the chances i have been granted. but it's also about how you optimise your resources. this sounds so econs harhar.

better start planning now. then i can start luxuriating in shows/books/meetups with friends very soon. as well as courses :) especially books! i love the way that books can totally immerse you in a very different environment. BUT FIRST, i need to get confusing stuff like uni apps and job applications out of the way. wanna give private tuition coz it's more flexible an arrangement plus higher pay! today will be q productive. also checking out peace corps. and shall ask stone to check out bhutan bookings. BHUTAN! :) happiest place in asia. it's a very zen, technology-free, majority buddhism place. it will be a very unconventional place to travel to. better than bangkok/bali. yeah should be going to bangkok next year. what else to do there but eat and shop? zzzz.

if everything works out, we will be GOING PLACES.

yeah, and extremely fun outings ahead including a warehouse sale, shopping (again) hai girls really love shopping huh i do enjoy it sometimes but i'm not that shoppy. it's damn tiring leh. going to chew's, philosophical interrogations, discussions and a erm badminton session (are you sure, tjh?) and waxing session. waxing facial hair duh, what on earth were you thinking. etcetcetc. won't be updating that much maybe probably perhaps. good times!

--
anyway, went to the library & before that, i was walking around by myself at the very noisy, crowded bugis street. i think i understand claustrophobia now. managed to get what i was looking for (it's not gross don't worry, though i was horrified by some of the tasteless clothing. there are some pretty interesting shops but you have to look really hard to find them, and the prices are probably jacked up too) + i kinda liked the feeling of being alone in a very noisy place, watching people in pairs or groups walk past, with them probably wondering what sort of loser would be seen out alone in such a popular place. yeah i should go out alone more. or probably just stay at home. *loves house much*

2009-11-23T07:40:00.001-08:00

heaves a big sigh of relief. chem was really horrible though. i mean it. when i say something is screwed, it really is screwed. white dog cafe has very very very nice food. i usually hate spending much $ on food, yep i consider anything> $10 expensive, i'm very very stingy when it comes to food (am probably the only singaporean who is not a big foodie) coz i believe that it might taste nice but ultimately you shit it out and don't gain much from it so what's the point of spending so much on it. am very tired, and shall stop typing soon. ready to watch many shows, apply to universit(ies), and go to the library one day to get my stash of books. i really miss reading and the way it takes you away from the world you are living in. not that the world i'm living in is bad, but it's an affordable way of entering a zone of your own thoughts and images which are formed from your idea of what the book is saying. and i shall stop here coz my brain cells are apoptosising
anyway hi yanne, sorry, i took quite a while to charge my laptop. talk to you on wednesday! special mention here !

2009-11-18T22:08:00.000-08:00

B's brother is the win. 'don't worry, you won't fail.' :,D

2009-11-11T20:07:00.000-08:00

In Anticipation of Liberation
031209
It's not even a new chapter of our lives. It's a completely different book!

New moon is coming out! I remember laughing very hard at twilight, because it was quite ridiculous. Think cuzziewuzzie and i were the only 2 females who didn't take the movie seriously. Especially the Edward loves tofu part. the funniest thing was that the movie took itself seriously. hahahaha. Oh but am looking fwd to NM because of jacob black. team jacob! i was quite a fan of the series. it really is quite an exhilarating read. i think only teenage girls will understand. actually, there might be a lot of closet male readers who are aspiring vampires/werewolves. yes, i'm quite certain of that! oh the parody of twilight called nightlight (grin) hits bookstores soon. starring edwart mullen who has nosebleeds and is a geek. and the epic klutz belle goose who thinks everyone is obsessed with her (teehee!). recommended for those who don't idolise the book, but "enjoyed it" and are ready to have a good laugh. think it'll be very very funny. ah. i want to watch a lot of comedies too! cousin recommended How I Met Your Mother. Seinfeld is funny too, even though i don't get a lot of the references. Saturday Night Live.+ Brit stuff, which is usually more witty. Little Britain :D:D:D and all those other shows. and movies that i've been wanting to catch.

anyway, just to show that I am not completely american/british culture obsessed, am quite addicted to ai4, a hokkien drama that my dad says turns my mum's brain to mush. showing on weekends. it is damn dramatic. i finally understand why people like to watch these kinda shows. addictive. nice to watch unidimensional characters who fit very neatly into stereotypes . makes life much simpler.

was thinking of making a list of around ...30 things to do before uni starts. but it's quite restrictive. okay i will do it only if there are other people to brainstorm with. and of course, develop a talent! very very important. serious about beatboxing & french & songwriting & electric guitar. i think i'll have quite a lot of time to learn about all this during uni, though. skateboarding is cool too. but very dangerous. anyway, i don't think i'm sporty by nature, so maybe i'll just stick to running/swimming/cycling/rollerblading in my leisure time.

in exam mode. sort of. i feel lethargic most of the time, so productivity levels have dropped. but there's only so much one can do last-minute. also suffering from annoying insomnia on nights before early papers. I tried counting sheep and rabbits. Didn't work. Tonight I shall try pigs. Since my mum says my behaviour resembles them.

Kinda lethargic. Spent the day, which probably should've been spent on stats, satisfying my ruffles craving, talking to harl about random issues, watching EMAs (jay z is overrated. Well I think all rappers are. 'cept kanye!) latest episode of gg got me thinking. Raunchiness aside. Actually its not even that raunchy. About gender identities and all. My questions sound quite stupid and incited amusement from others so I shall not reproduce them here (haha pun not intended)

Can't believe we're moving. I like my home a lot! Don't normally feel attached to places, but this is the place i identify as my house. Ergh. And my neighbour(s). Like the girl living opposite, we used to play tgt every single day after pri school. The 5 year old who is cooler than other kids. The playground. The neighbourhood. Shaowin, huimin, gerass living nearby. Where on earth will the housecrashers have such a convenient place to crash houses, and play pranks on unsuspecting neighbours? (the dustbin dare and potato chip seller ones earned priceless reactions). east coast park nearby. And a lot of dogs. And attic!!! And my small but cosy room. With yanne's puddle of drool from some school project, or math teacher. Most of all, the serenity. Away from all the hustle and bustle of city life that s'pore is keen on pursuing. While I will not miss the cockroaches and many other insects, the good things clearly outweigh the bad. Moving out around late jan/feb.bleh. The sole good news is perhaps a garage sale. Clearing old things is a fresh start. Meanwhile, I will spend more time in places in my home that I like. It is the first quite big step in the very different direction we are heading towards. ooh sounds cryptic huh.

watched made. it's this mtv show where teenagers get the chance to be made into something/someone that they've always wanted to be. it's quite fun to watch coz of the superficial transformations you witness in the contestants. today's episode featured a slightly plump (i'm being real diplomatic here) nerdish looking boy who basically perved on girls with pickup lines like "i saw an angel falling from heaven. oh, it was you." and he wondered why girls were not attracted to him. harhar. he went on 2 dates with 2 girls who found him funny, but at the very end when he tried to kiss them, he got "kiss-dissed" (mtv is a great source to expand one's vocabulary. i also learnt a new catchphrase - from geek to chic. say it real fast! there's a poetic quality to it.) so anyway, the closing scene caught my attention. he "became" popular, and so the frog was finally kissed by a princess (very drunk btw) anyway, what struck me was how he genuinely seemed to believe that he was accepted by his friends, girls etc, just because of the party. and he actually wanted that fake sense of popularity. even though people were prob there for the music, drinks, the guys probably for the hot chicks. If he was unpopular before, what made him think he earned overnight popularity just by changing his physical appearance?
so motto of the story - the people who stick by you when you're the most unappealing are your true friends.

actually, i can even learn quite interesting thingos from 1 episode of the hills. haha. it's this superbitchydrama "reality" show. stuff like like friend VS boyfriend. not just the balancing both of them dilemma. but also when they absolutely cannot get along. how do you choose. and should you even choose. and why is there such dramamamama in the first place. maybe people secretly think it's all a big fun game. rather amusing, really how people are so self-absorbed in nothingness.

We're halfway through. I am very glad that bio paper 2 is over. Even though I have to drag myself though hell reading the notes again for mcqs, the most challenging part is over. And i was bloody lucky for the essay question. Thank you karma/God. anyway, I don't really hate bio. But it isn't easy to like something you put in the effort and don't perform in. it's not like i have an inferiority complex, coz i think everyone has something they're not good at no matter how much they try and sometimes they make excuses for themselves, but maybe it's better to just confront it straight-up. anyway, the subject itself is q interesting, no? Without bio, a lot of ppl would have died of some horrible disease. and it's the basic foundation that explains why life exists. without humans, there wouldn't be the humanities anyway. But I hope it doesn't mean I suck at it coz I actually performed a miraculous feat (by my standards) when I didn't attempt to understand in one of the past papers but spammed keywords. Anyway, it is sort of the end of bio. After apps. Mcqs don't really count. Glad to have gotten through it. Heh maybe im secretly glad i chose it in the end. Who knows, taking another subject like lit might have killed any interest i had. rattina says it is different from secschool and it's damn hard to score in consistently like what faith said. It's more of a mindset than just a subject too. Boo i sound like I'm trying to comfort myself. I am not. At least i can say I was in the science stream, which I prob will not study anymore, unless the unis are as flexible as they claim and allow us to cross disciplines. unless it's psychology, maybe. Man I really hope that we can choose different modules for undergrad studies. Like mix and matching. I think forensics and maybe even organic chem are fun. And languages. (chineseeee heh heh heh) Maybe there's philosophy too. Ooh. back to bio. i think getting an A, like probably almost everyone else from hc expects to get will be quite hard but see how. No point talking about things that are beyond my control already. don't want to bore with details of the other papers.

'you are awesome for asking this during exam week'. Must remember this!
On a random note! I sound quite happy here, I realize. I suppppppppppose I'm quite a satisfied person emotionally and all for now, but I guess its just coz I tend to moodswitch slightly when I blog. on blogs, we (sub?)consciously censor stuff till it's not really that real an indication of someone anymore. But I guess its not that surprising. If we're lucky, there are probably just a few people or outlets which we express our true views to/through. the weird thing is that I can understand much more about some people from their blog. Maybe it's coz it's more uninhibited.unlike how people have to adapt to one another in reality. K focus darling (who calls herself darling!?!?), enough rambling.

Buying brandneweyes ;) a lot of good songs! It's quite a new sound for them, more stripped down like their debut (talking abt paramore!! Go get the cd! Or you can borrow it from me) but with much less angst, thankfully, and more depth and cynicism. their songwriting skills have improved! But the underlying optimism is still there. I like how they tried to deal with the issues they were facing as a band in the lyrics. Definitely not a publicity stunt. The album's much more personal than riot!. Which was a ...riot but had this overproduced feel to it. mm yeah shall listen to it in sequence of the songs. i read somewhere that it sends conflicting messages because there're songs like looking up, where the lines overlap which brim with hope (i feel all fuzzy and empowered just listening to them, looking up is almost on par with hallelujah:D) and others like ignorance, brick by boring brick, playing god. and other more pensive ones like misguided ghosts (!!!! love this. her vocals are so pure and it's perfectly stripped down to just vocals and a soft guitar. haunting, just like the title suggests.) cool, i guess you could say that actually inconsistency just makes it more authentic. makes it less likely that their record company had control over it? they are still kids growing up in the limelight. i'm really glad they got through their problems. though i hope that H and J didn't break up just coz of the attention it would take away from the band. sniffles. i foresee fanfixx popping up.

the end is near! toodles~

2009-10-24T21:39:00.000-07:00

Hiatus!
Shall reflect on these 2 years after A's. i honestly can't remember many eventful things. it's more of the people who have made the time memorable. no feelings for hc itself. Actually wrote a long ~~pensive~~ post, but decided that I shall post it up later. I can't say that I was feeling sentimental and nostalgic during grad ceremony or even now, looking back on jc life. Grateful for it though. But most of it is fuzzy for now.

I really forgot there was Bio today. No ponning intended.
www.mikehorn.com :D signing up. what are the odds? still, trying is better than not.

It's time to concentrate fully on the final exam of this long journey, (somehow I think uni will be better because I intend to study something I will have lots of motivation to learn about. even though i sense a compromise.) only 2 weeks plus left!!!! we have a lot of things to look forward to after that. To some people - don't worry about other things first, just focus on this. it's actually a good distraction (question to self - is happiness so hard to attain? even contentment, for that matter...?) no panic attacks, please. I ain't interested in giving anyone cpr. I have a first aid cert btw! Hard to believe I know. kinda forgot all the skills, but no fear since there are many SJ buddies around. ok so anyway i know the grades won't mean anything in the years to come, but since we are defined (in society) by our grades, might as well just try our best, and use it as a means to achieve our personal brand of success.

FARE WELL ! (pun intended)

2009-10-08T05:07:00.000-07:00

"if i could have dinner with anyone, it would have to be ... God."
Dying to watch Whip It !!!! Ellen Page!!!! I really love those heartwarming empowering comingofage films that seem to have no plots but are actually inspiring and funny and bittersweet and just :D especially when the characters feel very real and there is that deep sense of connection to them that transcends celluloid. Oh but dark films are great too because they make you question and reevaluate your seemingly normal life. like the dark knight, revolutionary road, the hours, sylvia. i still don't understand the last one. neither does stone, so it's ok. once a's are over, i'm going to moviemarathon, to average 2 films a day hopefully.

let's kick some a's(s)!!!!!!!

(500) days of summer! Nothing like a nice quirky little movie and some time with my favourite happyemokid and stonemate, to breathe life back into the walking dead. Did I mention I have been dreaming of mutilated corpses and my cousin getting married and a whole bunch of stuff I cannot rmb? Rather scary. My dreams are really disjointed, involve random people and make little sense. I dream quite a lot. Maybe that is why I need a lot of sleep.
okay. I'm quite excited that school is going to end soon...! Actually, I've gotten quite used to jc and enjoy the environment, minus the horrendous amount of studying to be done,but its really just a transition stage to when we enter the real world. Bring it onnnnnn. I have this feeling that I will miss schooling days and even studying in the near future, the feeling of 'we are in the same boat' together, but its really time to move ahead. Grad day coming soon too. Will it be sad if I don't feel sad? Just speculating. But I don't have the lag reaction that others seem to have. But anyway noone cares about that much now.
Last post! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Prelims = not very good but not that bad. actually its mainly one subject. Anyway not rly affected coz I don't think its a good indicator of alevel standard. Supposed to make us study harder. Thanks to the school system which routinely ignored my dad's earnest pleas to make exams less morale-crushing for us students. Yeah he's quite cool, he wrote this pro email requesting for a lowering of hardness level. As expected, did not work. Still I applaud the effort! Okay so I have to brush up on bio like a lot sigh ( I must overcome this like I did chinese!!!) and gp, which I really need to cram for now coz its something I never put consistent effort in. And hopefully maintain and push up the rest for a's! K I feel motivated. Just cannot keep getting distracted and must not live among the clouds. Am I really 'faraway'? I have allegedly been more dazed. I never knew I was dazed! Maybe a bit erm stuck in my own world like daydreaming and all that, haha. Interesting. But I can focus!

Urban planning sounds xxxxxxxxtremely interesting. my friend from Uwaterloo's studying that. why don't they have exciting courses like that in sg? or maybe they do. environmental sustainability is the way to go. since everyone is so against me going into journalism and all :/ killjoys, the lot of you. well, most people learn something else before going into that, because you don't exactly need very specialised skills. i'm kinda sure i wanna go into that eventually, sometime in my life, but yeah, think i have to DO something rather than WRITE something first. i'm keeping my options open, definitely. that's an euphemism for i can't make up my bloody mind. kewei says i look rather pissed off recently. i'm really not. just confused and stuck in the whirlpool of decision-making to be done. rather ironic that we always argue about having more power to make our decisions, but when it comes right down to it, the responsibility is sometimes too overwhelming. for all i know, something i think i dislike might turn out to be my true passion. but i won't do something i'm not interested in, either. as you can see, i am still very confused. the agony of indecisiveness. but i can hardly be faulted. it's because just like most of the world, i don't have something i am outstanding at. if i did, even if it was something rather unconventional, i would probably still go for it. everyone around is pragmatic. i've been going on about this for ages. and i will probably never find the answer to what i should do with my life, even after reading the really good self-help book.

Oh yeah birthday over. Really appreciate the presents, cards, notes, declarations of lasting friendship:D, especially those personalized ones aka birthday fic (you da best! I love the fic! From an unbiased pov, it is really entertaining. Your vocab stuns me. Write more!) , photoframe, the words, wishes, cards, lunch,dinner etc. Rather touching; I could feel chunks of my icy heart breaking off. It also is quite surprising that every year something quite tragic occurs/is revealed. But I guess birthdays are part of real life. & I'm glad that I have earned that kind of trust. If you call it that.

Think people are really mean about ris low. Her English was/is not very good, but its not like she is a horrible person. It was confirmed that she has bipolar disorder, and for god knows what reason she seems to be the centre of the dead Singapore news scene. Maybe they have nothing better to report. I'm not saying this out of pity, coz i actually think we could be friends, I like that she is quite upfront and seems to speak her mind. And she can laugh at herself and admit her mistakes. Even though i don't think she has beauty queen looks. I don't know, its just a feeling I get. People really have nothing better to do than attack others. Really, people are super judgemental when the ones who are most flawed are probably themselves. even if they're fine, people still judge and think they're different and special when deep down, they might conform just to fit in.

on with the A's. maybe last post, haha will never know. 1 more month!!!!!

You Are the 1960s

You are a liberal minded, progressive, and caring person. You believe in love.

You appreciate the dynamic days of the 1960s, when people truly wanted to change the world.

You believe in justice and equality for all. You can't rest until everyone in the world is treated fairly.

You are willing to stand firm for what you believe in, even if no one else is standing with you.

What Decade Are You?

Blogthings: Waste Time at Work!

Your Thinking is Abstract and Random

You are flexible, adaptable, and creative.

There's many ways that you can learn - and you're up for any of them.

You relate well to other people, and you do well working in groups.

You can help people communicate together and work with each other's strengths.

You don't work well with people who are competitive or adversarial.

You prefer to work toward a common goal... not toward conflicting goals.

What Kind of Thinker Are You?

Blogthings: Cheaper Than a Therapist

2009-09-30T06:35:00.001-07:00

Muellmar Magallanes is the ultimate hero.
He saved 30 people in the Manila flood, and died saving the very last child. probably swept away by the floods because he was too exhausted.
The existence of people like him just goes to show that there are altruistic people alive, even if it was based on mere instinct. Or maybe because of that.
It just arms me with hope to give people the benefit of the doubt, even when our judgement influences our perspective.

--
Tuesday was extremely fun. It'd be great if more people could just be who they are around their good friends. and then i think it would be easier making friends with others too, because things wouldn't feel that awkward and strained. i'm not used to facades, tired smiles and thoughts hidden behind unsaid words.

& Happy Birthday to a cool person, who doesn't read this.
Time to wake up as September has finally ended.

2009-09-06T23:33:00.001-07:00

THE FINAL (not penultimate) HIATUS TILL 29TH! (resistance is not futile!)

2009-08-27T04:18:00.000-07:00

dudes!!
it's ...
the final hiatus!
haha updated paragraphs on a regular basis over hereeee

Be back before you know it. Watch this space!
kyna (from urbandictionary.com)
A term for all girls of exceptional wittiness, innummerable talents and general hotness. Worship the ground they walk on.
Look at that kyna over there. Oh my god, I've never seen one in real life before. She's so hot.

:D
--
i've been racking my mind for ideas on what to get certain people (haha part 2 presents ftw) for their presents. hm. i'm not good at handmade stuff yet (i will go learn! used to be able to cross-stitch) and i was thinking of writing poetry or a fic (but fic takes forever @ least a few months to develop a proper story arc! that must come rather spontaneously. whatever i've written is completely not suitable, coz i tend to write when i feel angsty. the happy ones are quite ... irrelevant. they revolve around tissue packets and old people who are in need of botox. no inspiration. unlike my dear peers who gain nirvana because they have writing genes, my brain juices are usually squeezed dry. so those people who have been awaiting their present shall have to continue waiting! will probably buy something, but that thing must be suitable too so it will take a while and since i'm quite grounded from going out. bleh.
AVRIL CAKE CELEBRATION! SHALL MASS SMS/EMAIL. anyone suggest a date? happy birthday belovedest avril :D i almost forgot till angela sms-ed me a happy birthday message to avril HAHAHAHA that girl is damn awesome!!! AVRIL! thanks for being my idol. even though my music taste has changed quite a lot. thanks for being there and inspiring me during the crucial early teen years and even now. you will be my shining beacon of blonde platinum light with pink highlights forever. and i hope to visit you one day when we are _____ !

okay mugging for A's full steam ahead which means no updating unless something JAW-DROPPING happens k. and i've got a lot of writing to do, formal writing, so i need to stop blogging coz it detracts me from organising my thoughts haha, really, this is me at one of my most disorganised states. besides the state of my study room.

hm oh and today went for my cousin's 1st month XD she's quite a cutie. talked to some kids for a while and was amazed at their artistic ability! wow. this 3.5 year old kid is my uncle! "nooooo i can't be your uncle.. you're so old!" haha. i was quite sad at how they would probably not be able to pursue art in the future. adults discouraged me against journalism. "it's a sunset industry!" said my granduncle who is an editor at the business times -.-. even new media :0 eh but whatever. they are just being pragmatic singaporeans. anyway it ultimately depends on how strongly i want something, how good i am at it, the practicality (which if i had it my own way would be of secondary importance) for now, i can't say i know what it's about which is why internships and all are important. but i know that if i truly felt strongly about something with all the technical and practical details, i would most likely just go for it. if i didn't, i would probably study something "practical" like clean energy, business and somehow find a way to merge what i like. worst case scenario - just do something i don't really have particular interest in, but it must be something meaningful like saving the earth, promoting social interests, if i could, maybe even earn a lot of money so i can retire early, devote my life to volunteering and giving financial aid or teaching in a 3rd world country. and my personal fave- travelling! writing a book which would probably only sell several copies. making a film! at least there's a purpose you see. it might not be my purpose. or my purpose might be to do some meaningful stuff for the world. environmental science for eg. then again. everything can be "meaningful". and i think it's impt to satisfy yourself, then you'll have the energy and motivation to satisfy others. yah coz i think i would become crabby and cynical if i did something i didn't really like. and i would start hating the world and entering a crisis of sorts which i almost did before blocks2. it would be great not to be self-interested for once. and anyway, uni first then career and there is a lot of flexibility. if everything works out as it should. my take on all this - see how it goes. as long as i'm happy at whichever stage of life i am, i think life will be just great :D i see things from an optimalist pov.

Listening to avril's let go now. I recommend it to everyone! Unbiased okay, coz I think her 3rd album is pretty much crap even though I'm supposed to be her (ex) number 2 fan (the first is her dog! Or ex husband haha oh well I hope he doesnt get too sore about being kicked out of their mansion) hm. I made a new friend today and saw an old one. Okay back to avril. While I was listening and putting I'm with you on repeat, I realized that its about 'strength in vulnerability'. Despite the rockerchick image and sulky pout, the songs are all about disorientation, feeling lost and confused and being happy and wistful and yourself. And it ttly captures the feeling of being a teenager quite unpretensively without all that unneeded fake angst. Nice. Gosh, things have come full circle. Strongly recommend let go. Its actually very poppy with soft guitar but the lyrics strike a huge chord, I'm sure anyone can relate to some songs. like mobile, I'm with you, nobody's fool, naked, complicated, Anything but ordinary(!!). this album sold 14 millions okay I no kid you!

muse's new album is out!! Listened to a few tracks, their sound is still very theatrical, and the coolest thing is how you cannot pinpoint their music to a genre. Broadly speaking, its alt rock, but it borrows from so many influences and is truly revolutionary-sounding. Obsessed with the uprising and undisclosed desires which I bet will appear on new moon's soundtrack or gossipgirl or something. Ha. Very tempted to dl paramore's just to sample, after which I buy the cd (srsly want limited edition which comes with THE hayley's handwritten notes) but I have shallow pockets:/ oh but then I came to the conclusion that a true blue music fan would snatch it up from the store on the day of release, plonk herself in front of the cd player, close her eyes and listen to every song on the album, before mulling over all the lyrics and artist background and then just appreciating new meanings and beauty in the music whenever it is heard. Imo, the best music can be interpreted any way and esp like music that is v personal, quirky or raw. Except I think most commercialized music lacks meaning because if something appeals to everyone, its meaning is diluted somewhat. It just trivializes people as being the same. Nice to listen to but not enlightening. Haha but i listen to it quite a lot. its nice to just let the mood of the music sort of affect you subconsciously , somewhat like daydreaming, its a nice way to get attuned to feelings and all that without registering much if you don't want to think.just pure sound.

Watched state of play on dvd. Ttly not being disciplined but i wont call it a distraction coz film is another meaningful medium. Anyway, am entitled to some rest before the last 2 papers. Really quite awesome, it even inspired A to aspire towards journalism.the movie covers a lot, the underlying themes being journalism and ethics and its decline(damn should have watched before gp essay), American politics and the war etc. Was quite moved by the extent to which the journalists went I get their scoop, even though their motivations seemed impure and the resolution about serving up a true account was contradicted by a whole lot of infidelity, lying, hypocrisy etc. Still, great thriller that makes you think a bit. Its adapted from a tv series, have to catch that after A's. From the movie, Journalism really seems like a gritty, exciting adventure. Yup its the movies but it would be nice to have an element of that in real life. I think I've some 'undisclosed desire' to tread risky waters and the whole idea of not knowing what tomorrow brings really appeals to me. Yup the idea of earning money and being able to retire early is palatable, assuming i have the ability, but with wealth comes the sacrifice of personal freedom and i dont believes its easy to get out of the ratrace or change values. And like I don't wanna be the same as most people chasing after the same things, im not criticising anyone, but i really dont believe that everyone wants the same things. Come on man everyone is supposed to be special. And anyway there is a concrete way of achieving things. don't mind that much if I'm labelled as a havenot, because we are accountable to ourselves and I don't know ... I'm reluctantly okay with routine and I'm actually quite a nostalgic and sentimental person, but there is this side of me that wants to see myself suffer and be completely shaken from my comfort zone. Was asking my dad how we can discover our true selves, coz I've been rather confused by how much of us is determined by society. Just because we have conventional ideals doesnt mean we conform neccessarily. Hm but maybe quite often. Oh he said something like placing ourselves in extreme situations to discover our real limits. Not very applicable in real life. But yeah i think a lot of our selves are hidden or just determined by our environment.
math paper 1 was ?!wtfhahahaareyoukiddingme nice way to end our last school math exam. Grah. Currently caressing my bio notes. Whoever said prelims was gonna be a walk in the park never saw the thorny bushes and dogshit hiding around! Okay time to chill, listen to some good music and endure. Meh, prelims are just exams and exams are just a necessary evil of life. Btw such videos as the ris girl one are highly entertaining. all the single babies! that baby puts beyonce's booty to shame! David Blaine is quite amazing. Resorting to cheap thrills during exam time does wonders for one's spiritual wellbeing indeed. And sketching too! Started sketching people when I was supposed to study bio and I actually did quite a decent portrait of avril. doesnt really look like her but the person looks quite realistic!

September is a month of great births<3 (you guys know who you are!) ( pretend this heart is not broken) oh the horoscope thing A was talking about is interesting but I just don't really see how the period you are born in determines your innate character traits. Other libras are N, ming, cloud, avril, pmz, zh,my aunt and we hardly possess anything that clearly distinguishes us. Erm okay but maybe to some really hidden extent we have common traits just that diff env bring out diff characters.

A recent touching sight was seeing my mum's arm slinged loosely around yuk. Tend to suddenly remember completely random snapshots from the past at times. Maybe I should start storing away what I want to remember. But memories don't work that way.
the past few days have been ... Numbness, what else to expect during this period, interspersed with contemplations on the future. Strange... I tend to think more about the past, which helps to supplement the lack of exciting events in mundane todays. Isolation. In praise of solitude but this is overload. I prefer living, breathing creatures to stationary obligate parasites such as black and white words (which are great but not when bombarded and not when they are unidentifiable). This reminds me of bimbostick's personal msg- look into the abyss and it looks back at you. something like that. I don't get the philosophical undertones. We are caged birds, and we cannot depend on others to set us free.

I think the teachers got a little loony and set harder papers this time. Anyway. Exams are just a test of tolerance and I won't falter. I really wanna study something I can actually apply to my life next time. And it must be interesting and quite fun and make me knowledgeable.

maybe truly noble people don't have v v v v close friends because they are wholly committed to focus on healing the world and bringing help to people in less fortunate circumstances instead of you know forging bonds with ppl around 'em. shizzz i don't think i can attain a nobility if that's the case. but anyway, why is it of less value to connect with those around us? because they're luckier? people around may be luckier, but i think we all need loadsa emotional solace and healing too. and why should helping less fortunate people give us a greater sense of ... accomplishment? i can think of what cynical people would say !! and i guess. just spread the love to whoever deserves and wants the love. YEAH. unrelatedly, i also cannot stand how some people dismiss opinionated people for being judgemental and think they're just full of crap. some of my friends are v judgemental, and they aren't afraid to show it but that doesn't make them less nice or good as anyone else. actually i think everyone has negative opinions, it's just how strongly you feel about it and whether you have the courage to display it. if anything, these opinionated people should be applauded for bothering to stand up for what they believe in and actually being quite authentic in real life. i'm of course referring to people with valid opinions. oh but it can get very mean sometimes so one should not be insensitive.so yeah. maybe it's good to have enemies. even though it's also bad to make hasty judgements. some people are unassuming which is a rather nice trait to have... but it probably means that person is gonna suffer. to each his/her own why am i thinking about such stuff PRELIMS PRELIMS PRELIMS

Things are working themselves out.
MUGATHON!
really like pixie lott's voice :)!
Quite sad about sats sorry guys. September is a month of many bdays. but still very tempted to write the greenday song title (you know which one)

So anyway I read this in today's newspaper.
'it's nice to have someone you can have a completely abstract conversation with and ...feel like everything's fine, and then realize that if you pick it apart, you have absolutely no idea what either of you said.' --- tim burton on johnny depp
It is actually quite thought-provoking. Love the quote! I think depp and burton have a very unique camaraderie (sp?). And no I don't mean they are gay -.- even though bromance is in. I think it's actually quite rare to find such a special bond with someone else, regardless of gender, religion, race etcetcetc. Its like the kate winslet-leo dicaprio bond. And the nicole-lijing bond XD
oh and friday was fantabulous! soulmatez, guys, soulmatez! really truly deeply honestly. 'nuff said.

also. (wthhhh i seriously cannot connect my thoughts properly and have to use p6 level connectors sigh nvm) watched a bit of the russian siege documentary on discovery channel, very saddening. just goes to show how life is v unpredictable and that we really should seize life's moments because anything can happen :/ and i can't believe how they faked the number of hostages so they could allay everyone's fears. it's bad enough being reduced to a mere statistic. let alone a forged one.

Endure & survive. Next year is gonna be BETTER. Going to learn driving, even though it's hard to pass in SG. hopefully travelling. Working part-time. Exploring the world with felllow enthusiasts. Maybe internships if i can snag any. Writing thy script! Really want to go for beatboxing & songwriting & scriptwriting & french courses. Definitely sticking to an exercise regime. 3 times a week at the mum's school gym, running and cycling and swimming. Also thinking of business ideas. My dad gave me quite a few good ideas, but I highly doubt I have the ... entrepreneurial initiative to see them through. I deserve a nice long resting period. Oh well. This is exactly what S meant by not living in the present. But how to when life is mundane?
Shall really try to find some miniscule bit of joy in studying, though it is highly unlikely. But I guess I should just tolerate it for now, since the opportunities ahead are much more exciting. And this is all a necessary evil. & it's quite a nice distractor, all this studying just puts you in the zone and kind of numb. a rarely healthy stable emotional state, if you really really stretch it to the bright side. & there are many things to plan, actually. But i think it will turn out fine! eventually! the path less travelled might be the desired path after all.

2009-08-07T06:56:00.000-07:00

' u r one of the gems in my dismal hc life.'
:'))

Isnt it flawed to talk about how one stands out from others? i guess everyone has something cool/different about them, but it contradicts the whole universal human nature thing and I don't think anyone is that completely special. Like most of us are going after the same things, motivated by the same things and going on to similar lives. And um how good someone is for some university surely can't be determined by portfolio achievements and grades alone. But its a pragmatic world we live in. esp Singapore.like srsly. Cant stand it. kinda sad to see how others' talents rot away because they don't have the chance or courage to pursue something. I know artists, writers, athletes, dreamers, designers who have their dreams crushed under the rubble of reality. words like PASSION, DREAMING BIG, CHASING YOUR GOALS just don't really fit the equation you know. or they might be exclusive from the norm to such a big extent that it seems reckless to go for it. i think it's not one's lack of ability, but fear of failure, personal insecurities, procrastination or complacency that hinder us most of the time. Haha okay muchly overly dramatic but I still think the whole social contract thing is annoying. But ultimately you can't blame society or others you define your own limits (assuming you have equal opps to begin with an entirely contentious issue) and you define whether life is a game of win or lose or inbetweens.you have to decide what is more important to yourself - satisfying others/satisfying yourself. or both. i dunno.
think its really hard to be both truly happy and have your ideal job. (Like my dad who doesnt like his work much at all but slogs it out so we have a nice comfy life. Kudos to him, as much as we shove and bicker w each other, he's da man)Hello opportunity cost. okay but its ideal to be pragmatic? Paradox! Most ppl are pragmatic anyway and they are fine and happy with it. think i'm ttly oversimplifying this issue. it doesn't always have to be prag vs idlsm. erm but at least it seems that way. i know i know my microscopic view of the world. which will change! i promise! it's already changing coz i am surrounded by worldlywise people who broaden my perspective and horizons and all that cliche stuff but i swear it's so true that's why people hate cliches ya know coz they're true. RUNONLINE ALERT.

some people are very noble esp those who hide it and pretend not to care. RESPEKKKT! which reminds me. must get REgina SPEKTor's album. so cool right. she is a very quirky little singer. she makes funny noises. she ............. writes thought-provoking lyrics too.

i'm hoping that i can be flexible enough to switch jobs (but they should be related) it's sadly definitely more of for self-interest. like i'm really really interested in sth dynamic like media/journalism (maybe even entertainment like film/music industries teehee but not in the celebgossipway) that lets me interact w people from completely diff walks of life, hopefully really get to the core of the issue and just be much more better informed and aware and get to write and hopefully travel and just ya know OPEN MY MIND. and of course form lasting r/s with some of the ppl i meet, ya know it could be an eighty year old woman or a random baby, but it's that human connection that i want to be able to get out of my work. knowing that even if you haven't helped financially, you have made a huge emotional impact. to let people know their voices are being heard, that they MATTER even in this overpopulated overcrowded noisy world. sounds cliche again, but i really need the experience to truly live life and get out of my comfort zone and box-ed up state. if not i will feel mindless and ignorant. 2) acc to a, state of play portrayed investigative journalism as a noble vocation. hmmm. i don't know. (quite reserved on the real impact of how being a journalist helps others. unless i actually spearhead causes. but i think with my limited income and time, it would be really challenging.) oh and i need to like organise my thoughts i swear this verbal diarrhoea thing is completely off-putting. plus my lack of paragraphs! horrifying i know ;) jumping back, isn't it more objective reporting/writing, even though research is done? oh but drawbacks = becoming very jaded/desensitised once one finds out about the sad state of the world. flipping thru the news is alrdy quite traumatising can't imagine detailed analysis of it.and also lack of a personal life, irregular hours etc. it does help people in some ways, but it's not as great as say sacrificing other areas of life/time to a certain cause which will really save people e.g. medicine, social work, social entre etcetc. i don't know.maybe it could somehow lead to a more humane course of action. very far-fetched. + maybe i will not be earning a lot of money, (unless SW dreams happen) and it does not have the prestige or truly respectable factor, but, nevermind, i'd honestly rather do something i thoroughly enjoy coz it's really priceless to love living. i want to wake up and go YAYYYYYY I LOVE LIFE. LIFE ROCKS.I AM HAPPY. I AM ONE OF THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. I ACTUALLY FREAKING LOVE MY LIFE AND I WON'T EVER CONSIDER GOING ON FMYLIFE.COM EXCEPT TO LAUGH AT THOSE LOZERZ.

all right see ya!

2009-07-31T06:28:00.000-07:00

I'm much more aware now.
anyway to the many people who seem to be getting pissed off or annoyed with others, i guess it's just better not to mix with such people 'coz they can't really get to you if you keep them at arm's length.

suddenly feel quite disappointed in myself because i've given up on so many things either coz i lost interest or .... i don't know. piano (which i really want to take up again!), ballet (LOL! okay i don't regret abandoning my tutu), yoga and i foresee my guitar turning rusty if i don't continue with lessons after A's. if i had actually persevered, i might be talented at something. i will try to make a clean start and take things like french etc seriously. i'm really serious about beatboxing/songwriting and maybe skateboarding anyone else wanna join me!
another thing. it seriously sucks to be okay at things, but not great. i'd rather be really awful at something in order to be marvellous at another. now i don't have a clear idea of what i am really good at. for example academic wise. i clearly like lit/language more, but i wasn't great at lit. probably average. yeah i know it was an Alit class, but still. science is studiable, and bearable, but i know i'm not innately good at it. i can't ask questions the way others who really understand and are interested in can. i can deal with it at our current standard, but probably not if i really go deeper into it. and i honestly wouldn't be able to fit into a HP or arts class.. even if i've some really good friends there. (high 5 bffae oh darn you missed) erm so where does that leave me? maybe i have too high expectations about doing something great with my life, but i just cannot see myself not living with passion and conviction for what i do. as in maybe i'd make a compromise, but it would have to be something that i like and i can't lie to myself, so. i don't want to be mediocre at or apathetic about what i do, i don't want to be a face in the crowd, i want to really make a huge difference in whatever pursuit i have. i wonder if anyone else feels the same way. when i see others being so determined about their courses (not taking into consideration whether they can make it), it scares me a bit. maybe we're all unsure inside... but at least they have quite a clear idea. Hm but one good thing is my parents are giving me autonomy (for once bwahaha) and being extremely tolerant and encouraging about uni plans/career stuff.
anyway to counter this para, i will definitely go get experience at what i think i want to do, i will make my post A-s time completely fruitful. preparing to enter the ADULT WORLD. it sounds exciting and scary and evil. the last real holiday i've had was in S.A (where the heck have you guys disappeared to!) and sec4 december holidays where i went out almost everyday and wasted away the days being cavalier and slack and oh the luxury.

think tmr will be extremely amusing. meeting our dear CT. really anticipating what the rest will say.

You Paint the World with Wild Colors

You are a true free spirit. You are very whimsical.

Your friends can always count on you to be spontaneous and totally unpredictable.

You are a truly zany person ... though sometimes you get sick of your wild ways.

You don't feel like you're being outrageous. You just feel like you're doing your own thing!

How Do You Paint the World?

noo this is so untrue i've lost my fun edge, it's buried under the vectors and ... whatever else i've attempted to read.

oh well. life moves on. as always. okay i'm not usually this ://.

pain is temporary, quitting is permanent says my dad. hiatus here, time to pick up the pace!

2009-07-29T06:11:00.000-07:00

Hello! Me's really tired. even though i've been sleeping @ the usual time. Have lost much productivity, but will regain it back and survive on coffee & good music and of course the occasional study session. it will be over soon.
people are pretty private and closed, surprisingly, even some close friends. maybe it's just an innate thing to want to keep things to ourselves.
i discovered this (okay fine banana taught me) application in the gc where you can draw things! really cool. but my drawing skills suck. i just wrote. I rock your socks. This I to anyone who thinks I was fooling around with my gc coz of nonexistent closet mathnerdness.

really think i've got some form of split personality. not as in the disorder. but i can be two sides of the coin. Think i should be more opinionated. well, everyone is different with different people. it's called adapting/codeswitching. note that i don't backstab anyone and really refrain from saying -ve things. And thinking -ve thoughts. even if it's somewhat inevitable. but i'm not fake. even to emotional blackmailers pfft. Btw, great ss yest, it was a whole amalgam of people, happened to meet stuffy and alice and gostop so they joined us and of course my default studymates, but chew left early coz her eyeball was seeing black things but she is all right now, then we shifted to media room whereby duriantartsincoming and banana joined us. And someone took off her shoes!! But it was very productive. And I really like how a lot of my friends in school are interconnected. Nice people know nice people. Not that all my friends are nice and people whom are not my friends are not nice.
Bitty is such a wonderful girl!
crapping again. crappity crap. today i got chased by 2 5yearolds when i took a cycle to the park. i know them duh. they were scary because they ran faster than my snail-pace cycling (not that i cannot cycle fast, but it was dangerous with cars zooming past) and attempted to grab me. kids are really cute i must say. and they are smart too! but if i spend more than 1 hour or so with them i tend to get bored, unless they are really v interesting, can't think of examples now. childhood innocence is just so genuine and a nice contrast from the cold dark world we are facing. kinda makes me think how we got from there to here. i exaggerate.
would I be willing to give up my personal life for my career? Then again, my career should be my personal life right. Aside from other relationships.
Oh. I thought that girls hang out a lot together because they are more insecure. Not true. Sometimes it is pretensive displays of affection, sometimes it is circumstantial or for convenience, sometimes its just for fun, but sometimes its really a natural inclination and gravitation towards said people.
once again, thank you lucky stars.

Get well soon tjh your presence is our present
harhar I am going to prom bad coz 4 days is not enough to shed those kilos and find a really great outfit. But it should still be fun ~*
THIS IS AWESOMENESS!!!! i wouldn't mind getting married if it went like this : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0&feature=fvw
it's hilarious! and the dance is whoohoo!

from random website --

Allow Your Own Inner Light to Guide You

There comes a time when you must stand alone.

You must feel confident enough within yourself to follow your own dreams.

You must be willing to make sacrifices.

You must be capable of changing and rearranging your priorities so that your final goal can be achieved.

Sometimes, familiarity and comfort need to be challenged.

There are times when you must take a few extra chances and create your own realities.

Be strong enough to at least try to make your life better.

Be confident enough that you won't settle for a compromise just to get by.

Appreciate yourself by allowing yourself the opportunities to grow, develop, and find your true sense of purpose in this life.

Don't stand in someone else's shadow when it's your sunlight that should lead the way.

--
liberal arts colleges damn cool but no $$ =(((( students also get to study social science/science-related courses, contrary to popular belief. which is like wow. holistic education. oh well. will be happy for someone if she gets to go. at least i get to live vicariously through others' experiences. sniffles.
uni stuff still stagnant. there's seriously too much to focus on. the irony is that all of this is for the sake of uni. ergh. allrightie byebye HIATUS!

2009-07-27T07:17:00.000-07:00

Dug this out from my email archives. From dear alice! I remember being completely convicted and inspired after reading this. Yeah yeah it's rather impossible to achieve, what with social pressure, and being practical and all, but it's always nice to dream right? we shouldn't let others define our lives!
Okay hiatus after this, hoping prelims is the only battle i will have. currently @ peace with self.

By adrian tan.

I'm here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it's calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much. That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste. If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don't need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life's a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don't expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over. Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable. Work kills. The Japanese have a term "Karoshi", which means death from overwork. That's the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there's nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There's a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are "making a living". No, they're not. They're dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful. People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan "Arbeit macht frei" was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn't do that, I would've been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction - probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don't imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I'll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don't, you are working.
Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I'm not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.
In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It's not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it's often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one's own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn't say "be loved". That requires too much compromise. If one changes one's looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.
Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We've taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work - the only kind of work that I find palatable.
Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn't happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart. You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don't, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don't work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

You're going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there's no life expectancy.

2009-07-26T04:32:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh this place is rotting.
It's sunday now.
tomorrow is .... MONDAYYYYYYY. another school week,another school day.
I feel really lethargic,so much that i'm even looking fwd to school tomorrow.
& everyone around is in muggermode xianzxzxzx to the max! 4.5more months. hurrah.
headache.
emma watson < kate winslet, hahaha @ yuk!
hm revelations as always.
thou shalt be kind to all living things, and feel their pain.
Zzzzz. Love the weather.really haven't switched on muggermode. Scary. But there is something that keeps me from focusing. Just dao it. all right, dinner time.
boringest post ever award XD
I am a good confidante, but I can't really keep my own secrets >.>

2009-07-14T03:17:00.000-07:00

HIATUS! :D

2009-07-10T05:18:00.000-07:00

Break after 1 month of 'holidays'. What break? At least we caught julia roberts in action.

Around 2 more months? Prelims are ultra important.
regardless of how people might claim not to be caring about it yet, ya know for sure people are in intense mode. Well most. Will discuss this after blocks reflectionsxzx. time to get the ball rolling, and its good not to care what others think in this aspect. Not saying that everyone is pretensive about it, no one wants to look overly mugger, but I think we all know what really goes on. Quite amazing how some ppl outrightly lie about it. Just a very few. Oh well. Would rather put in consistent effort than slog it out later on. Even if it is always nicer to use inertia as an excuse. Thanks study buddies for the positive attitudes and adopting a pro-mugging stance. We shall follow our own rhythms. Haha one whole past on mugging go me!
actl its quite interesting that friends in other classes view 75 as a very muggerclass.
on a sidenote, I really want to study overseas! A lot of ppl seem to want ta go to new York U. Bet its coz of gossip girl!
Plzz don't impose your expectations on ppl. And yes I agree that ppl should be more tactful. Don't go round assuming things d00d. Probably slip of the mind but er you're just gonna ruin everyone's impressions of you. Maybe we are all guilty of double standards (or is it just diff expectations and abilities) but some things just cross the line. And ppl can't blame others for being insensitive if they themselves are guilty of it. Not referring to an event involving myself btw. Neither am I referring to a particular event.
Mtv numbs the brain. In a nice way! :) :) :)))))
school days have been rather happy so far. Great company! Been laughing a lot and it really makes one feel lighter and smilier haha.
Quite sad I can't go to the zoo with kewei and teoshuyi to see the animals. I love animals! Except insects. Trying out new tuitionclass coz the current one just dumps essays on us. Plus side is sec2bffs are going too. Eggciting.
actl I feel kinda free now. Is there homework?
Kkkk more action less talk. Small mercies and meetups (yumz astons on fri with baba), occasional movieshoppingstudyevents, (anyone wants to watch sunshine cleaning w me:) ?) regular study sessions will sustain me thru this mindguzzling period. Bonne chance!

2009-07-03T07:26:00.000-07:00

I will get over this period and look back and laugh at how senseless it was.
I will not think that life is meaningless just because of the routine that i have to prepare myself for over the next few months.
I will relax and keep an open mind and a positive attitude.

Come on come on come on, it will be over before you know it.
--
The past week has really been an emotional rollercoaster to the point that exams seemed meaningless. life itself too. which is much scarier. Was near the point of giving up. even before the papers. bleh. and it wasn't exactly due to lack of preparation. more of a sudden mood change and really scary shifts in mentality. Think the horrible 'holidays' just compounded the burning out syndrome. i guess it's better to know how low i can get now instead of breaking down before the real deal. oh man i really hope it's just a phase or very screwed up hormonal levels. i'd rather be blissfully unaware than in this pendulumish state. being happy should come naturally instead of taking effort. i think the real problem is that i'm losing self-motivation, because i can't find purpose in what i'm doing, which makes me dispirited, leading to irrational/unhappy thoughts/moods, then it basically all goes downhill from there. this cannot happen!!! blah. ergh okay shall just distract myself . i'm joining yoga classes too, to gain a more peaceful state of mind. i need a lot a lot a lot of faith.
Great outing yest guys! Sorry for being a wet blanket. But it's wonderful that we can really mindspam each other, even though we might not know how to phrase it sometimes. btw, transformers sucks! good special effects i guess, but there is totally no storyline! I swear everyone is watching it for megan fox. Only good thing is the soundtrack & the harry potter trailer.
sunshine cleaning! "bonding amidst blood splatters" sounds really heartbreaking and funny @ the same time. and yes, it was produced by the same company who distributed little miss sunshine.
one more paper. 2 actually.
back to mulling over stuff like who i'm going out with on wednesday/what we are going to do (i am highly in demand! -egos a bit-)+ planning my list of happy things to look forward to and being practical, emotionally resilient, positive and being able to see the beauty in life! ahhhhhh breathes out.

2009-07-01T05:17:00.000-07:00

无论怎么样, 不能自暴自弃 !

2009-06-26T06:31:00.000-07:00

Avril lavigne's let go remains as one of my fave albums ever :D lyrics are not great, but i like the simplicity of it and how genuinely it captures the feeling of being a teenager. she inspired a lot of my thoughts, a lot of craziness, and allowed me to cliche as it sounds, LET GO and enjoy that awkward growing up stage. some say she's a manufactured product of her record company, changing images like a chameleon, but there's sth about her music that makes me believe (or want to believe) that some of it was indeed genuine. i salute the ultimate sk8er girl! ah quite sad that evan and avril didn't end up together. let go is one of those albums i can listen from start to end without skipping any songs. once an avriladdict, forever an avriladdict, birthday celebrations notwithstanding.

WWW.HEYCHERI.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
this is so addictive. it seems superficial BUT there are insightful posts. very thought-provoking! really in your face honest and insightful. between the makeup/clothes/camwhore ones. easily offensive though, haha. well i guess different people have different lifestyles. anyway, they're insightful in the most humourous way. like you read and go I KNOW HOW THAT FEELS. EXACTLY HOW IT FEELS. plus if she was always thoughtful, it wouldn't be any fun. i really really x 100000 love the fact that she's so outspoken and brazen and honest(and vulgar haha) about everything. to be genuine you have to risk offending people, you'd inevitably get people who hate/dislike you. i think it's cool/fine to be opinionated. not to be a bitch and dampen everyone's spirits, but well, to have your own stand. for a large part of my life, i've wanted/thought i wanted to be the one who everyone likes or at least has a nice/good impression of. i'm pretty sure that's changing. i want to hold tight to my own opinions, not lose myself in the way i present myself to others. in fact, if everyone had a good impression of me, then i'd probably be changing myself to conform to their expectations/restraining myself. tso now, i wouldn't go out of the way to talk to someone whom i don't respect/like. (not thattttt many, i don't have bad opinions of most people unless it's glaringly obvious that they have traits i majorly dislike or intuition) unless they talked to me first. i wouldn't wanna give people the wrong idea. i think it's more hypocritical to pretend to be nice when you really have a bad impression of someone. i mean you don't have to be downright nasty, but i think it's really fake. maybe it's just me. but i dislike it. it's deceiving yourself (hello, it compromises on YOUR beliefs. even really mean or insecure people wouldn't want that happening to them right) and being a hypocrite to the other person, esp if the person finds out what you really think of him/her. be who you really are! let people know (some of) what you feel! if not the only person who's gonna be upset is yourself. and why would anyone wanna risk their happiness for people who are not worth it?
this is something my friends have taught me too. we should learn to respect people for who they are, hear them out, assuming they want to be heard/understood, only then can you really discover who people are and make FRIENDS that are more than just ... friends.
i know, i judge people. yeah sometimes it's really uncalled for. people just label others as bitches coz of hearsay/appearances/stereotypes. so what? those people should continue to be who they are. i think it's more important to be real to oneself and one's real friends, i mean if you're loyal to people who matter, you can't be that horrible a person. there has to be some basis for the hearsay (or maybe not) but should just lead their lives the way they want to without having to care about so many other things that are so insignificant. more important than pleasing the crowd anyway. self-benefit works well here because it's no use losing yourself to people who don't give a damn. if you think what you're doing is right and you have a moral compass, go ahead. you don't have to care what others think. "those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter"
there're many blogs with bloggers i respekkkt a great deal for their attitudes and openness. shall reveal them if anyone is interested. i shall practise what i preach from now on.
thanks, heycheri for the empowering entries!

zamszamszamszams. can't wait for this friday and next wednesday. till then, bye!

2009-06-24T05:14:00.000-07:00

warning - longest post ever ever ever in the history of EVAR.

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming -- WOW!! What a Ride!!"
--from heycheri

one of my lifelong ambitions is to participate in a spelling bee!!! was watching a bit of one on CNN, and these spellers are fantastic. of course they have received lifelong training, but they are still incredibly smart! how do they memorise everything? they have to study the root words, which originate from latin/french/spanish/greek etcetc. even if most of the words were quite elusive like .. selho and crystosphene. spelling bee~~~~~ my inner nerd is coming out.
sadly, i think i'm too old. but i shall try reading the entire dictionary next time! being a word nerd like dc would be quite cool. the nationwide spelling bee is quite prestigious in america supposedly.
okay i think i shall start paying attention to dictionary.com's daily email updates.
---
after some consideration, i'd say that to have really good relationships of any kind, there has to be a line drawn to the amount of expectations you have. it will be very unlikely that the other party has the same type/amount of expectations as yourself, and a good friend once told me that it's precisely because her best friends are her best friends that she does not have expectations of them. i really admire her attitude, i don't think most of us can achieve that, haha or maybe some people don't even bother thinking about such things. but yes we don't have to lower our expectations, but we must be open-minded, coz we really cannot expect others to see things our way. (private lang KI symposium thingie) it must be somewhat mutual. trust must be built and space must be given (yes space is vital actually and may make a friendship even stronger, can't stand neediness if i ever become overpossessive please slap me) don't overanalyse, just live in the moment while looking back without regret and looking forward in anticipation. of course it's nowhere near that simple. a lot of other things come into the mix. rapport, chemistry, wavelengths, circumstance, fate, pride, priority etcetcetc. and of course it can be intangible too, because not everything about why people click has to make sense. if you could completely analyse it, it wouldn't be that special anymore. imo, a real/true friend would be someone who wants exactly for you what they would want for themselves, while taking into consideration your disparities, who GETS you, and is on who would selflessly do things for you, who would bother to understand you and make the effort to keep the relationship strong, even if you're miles away. who would willingly hurt you for your own good. being brazenly honest. telling you things about yourself or your decisions that are flawed, give you proper real advice instead of asking you to cheer up (assuming they're good at it) and then challenging you to overcome them and grow stronger. they would really just accept you for who you are even after seeing your deepest flaws and darkest sides, even if what you are is completely different from them. whom you could be completely silent with, and rant incessantly in front of, and always be comfortable in the presence of. it might contain even intermittent intervals of absence, but once you've attained it, that's a friend who'll stay with you for life coz beyond a point, what your friend does for you wouldn't really matter anymore. you wouldn't expect them to coz you know they would surely do what they think is best for you and you would do the exact same for them. someone whom you really would like to spend your whole life getting to know and doing stuff with. you wouldn't be angry if he/she forgot your birthday or forgot to reply you on msn( haha as i sometimes do) you'd surpass all the conditionals that hinder most relationships. a lofty ideal? basically, a real friend would understand and be.if i found such a friend, i would die happy. of course, it'd be challenging trying to fulfill all that for a friend, but if someone were willing to put in all that effort for me too, then hurray. it's another lifelong ambition, haha. well hopefully i'm getting there. ohmy but everyone's gonna be getting hitched, which will be a major impediment.

it's kinda silly to hang on to a lot of friendships if it really isn't working out. & please do not get emo about it. emo-ing is wasted energy that could be spent forging stronger bonds/improving yourself/doing altruistic things. (yes my dears, isn't friendship selfish to a certain extent? even if it's symbiotic. don't even get * started on romantic love she claims it's a disease) i think it's okay to let go. many sacrifices have to be taken if you want to find real friendship. which i still have no idea how to define but nevermind. not being mean or anything but well, we only have limited time for limited people, (plus wouldn't it be nice to do things for people other than those who are as fortunate as you? voluntourism ftwwww) and if one day you realise that your friends are people you can have fun with but can't really confide in, who won't really be there in the time of a true crisis, then you've got noone to blame but sadly, yourself. unless those evil friends are the ones who don't bother reciprocating then they're just being ungrateful a$$es. but we have to rmb that we can choose whoever our friends are, given favourable circumstances. we are responsible for our own happiness and of course should as much as possible try contributing to certain others'.
** btw, i really don't mean to offend/upset anyone, it's just my opinion really and i'm sure everyone has a different idea of what friendship is. and if i sound like i'm trying to er rationalise it, it's really coz i've got nothing better to do. okay i think this kinda supports my point that hardly anything is altruistic. like maybe some altruism exists in almost everyone, but how often does it really emerge.

in a more personal context, though we are all basically fighting for our self-interest to get our desired grades and portfolio, let us not forget the people who have been there all the while. though occasionally i feel bummed by how distant and displaced things seem, and how things just seem to be going against us and well how competitive and bitchy and unjust the world can be, it's part of growing up, and i have some aweshumpalz to vent it all out with ;D ohnoes this is about friendship again. btw family is exceedingly important too! it's just that we know they'll always be there for us and likewise so it tends to be taken for granted. erhm then again, family can quite complicated. parental/sib pressure, expectatns, a lot of possiblities.

I DON'T HATE WORK ITSELF (EVEN THOUGH IT IS QUITE A BITCH, it's a good distraction), just BEING FORCED TO WORK. CONTINUOUSLY. AND SEEING OTHER POOR PEOPLE BEING REDUCED TO THAT IN ORDER TO MOVE AHEAD WITH LIFE. sigh.
i know this might sound immature/unappreciative (i know kids want to study, but don't have a chance and we should be grateful. well if they were us, i don't think it would be as appealing would it) etcetcetc, but i really am quite pissed off at my education (or lack of it). i don't think it's unreasonable to be angry when you basically have to memorise all this info (believe me i have nothing against the subs i'm taking.) spill it out in the right manner (because even for lit, there is a model answer, and you can't deviate that far from it) and then basically forget everything. even the teachers seem amused at this (*&*&* because "just remember it this way then u can forget about it after the exam is over". and thanks to all of this, i am probably gonna become quite mentally constrained. hello lack of brain space which has been filled with things i'm not even sure i recall anymore. the funny thing is i don't know who i am blaming. this is probably a Ftheworld episode. but i still like most of the world. erm the conformist/socialpressureykiasusingapore mindset? okay it's not all stupid of course and to some people, what we're learning is useful, but u expect us to cram like crazy then forget everything right after it's over. that's plain dumb. the best thing is i am actually eating right into this conspiracy theory (see i even sound insane enough to label it as such). a conspiracy. HAHAHA.
but if you say it's dumb or if you do badly people WON'T TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY. they'll think it's sour grapes. "oh you can't do as well as us. no wonder your attitude is like that" i suppose i can't say that of nice people but i know there are some who think that way and look down on others. of course it's different with people from other schools. it makes you realise that hey the world exists out of this school (it's not even hc. it's not our fault we are forced into this mould right), and it makes me want to detach myself before i get too immersed in it. which is probably one of the reasons why we're doing this. to prove them wrong. but i don't think many people enjoy studying. really smart people like fl hate mugging too. which is why i don't understand how we do it. HOW. urgh.
anyway i also want to say to many people who feel resigned to the sad state of our lives, DON'T GIVE UP HOPE. one day after all of this is over, you can do what you want.if you really want what you want. honestly, i dont think many people want what they think they want. that might include me. i feel like i'm studying to take revenge. this is really ()*(*(** okay fine. after blocks 2 i shall sort out my thoughts and just finally hopefully get into the zone. THE ZONE. i only hope i can get out of that before i realise my life is headed in the wrong direction. i really don't want to end up wasting my life away for the next few dunno how many donkey years.
okay i need to chillax now. breatheeeeeee.
i feel damn amused at how people actually think I LOVE STUDYING. my neighbours, apparently. do people really think that lowly of me? ;'( oh well. the secret life of the singaporean teenager. guess what. we don't love it. we bear with it. i feel even sadder for younger children/youths. they will be burned out by the time they reach our age. think it's getting harder for them. when we were -p6, did we have so many commitments? don't think so. poor poor children. when i see them on the mrt, i think, well, you're smiling now i know we should be happy right that we're not a 3rd world country facing epidemics diseases poverty, they definitely deserve more empathy and help, but well call me a desensitised teenager who cannot see the bigger picture beyond her insignificant life; i'm sorry i think we are suffering too.
i think that was the most incoherent i've been but who cares. i'm not trying to convince anyone of anything. this was an outburst but i think i do feel this way. like deeeeeeeeeeep down. and i better stop it because it's ALEVELS YEAR and you can't be doing badly for that. it determines YOUR LIFE. but i'm not going to allow other people to determine my definition of success and happiness no way. i shall try not to. herh. uhhum so i shall ignore my innate instincts and treat studying as a necessary evil. study buddies you're in for a treat. but i think you guys were really quite encouraging. we must continue to psyche one another up. and survive till a's are over. and pls shoo away any bad karma i may have gotten after ranting for blocks 2. blocks i love you for blocking my mind. blockies darling. hmm okay i think i'll be all right. just needed to get that out.

i think i think way too much before examtime. the info overload just makes my brain want to escape to somewhere else. okay shall ask my braino to shutup now. okay it is thinking of asymptotes now. mathematical ones! no more blogging till after 'xams!
okay i shall ignore ranty thoughts and pretend to be able to tolerate exams. exams.are.good. for.you. gooooood.exams. happy. yayz.

2009-06-23T02:14:00.001-07:00

just find this damn amusing.
The wonder girls song.
'I want nobody nobody but chewchew'
okay chew is gonna think I am stalking her but really, the song was totally written for her.
--
the age of resistance is fading, let the revolution begin.

2009-06-21T05:30:00.000-07:00

Think I'm addicted to lyriix.(name of ipod touch) c'est mal. Quite bored. The house is quiet without my parents.does anyone out there feel trapped in a weird bubble? As much as I try to convince myself that life's okay with just 5 more months stuck in this routine, I don't really buy it. Oh well at least it rids my brain of space to think about all sorts of things. But i kinda have mild insomnia coz my brain is active and all sorts of thoughts enter it. Bleh. I was wondering what it takes to be a murderer after watching oprah. This guy plotted the murder of his entire family0.0 I am gonna be a potato couch after a's. A fit one coz I shall exercise like there's no tomorrow.okay starting to ramble. This is my cue. My motivation is based on how everyone else is studying their ass off. I am going to do things for myself after these bloody 5 months.
thanks for keeping my tagboard alive it's nice to see everyone is well and alive :D
and had the most fabulous spontaneous date (haha all our dates are fab actually) with h. only lasted 1.5 hours but was great! i think we can really talk non stop about almost anything and everything and issues that really really matter. i really like ecp! should go there more often since it's nearby.
all right back to black markets. econs is so fascinating.

2009-06-17T23:06:00.000-07:00

IT'S SO FRIKKIN HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.
(no i'm not talking about megan fox, even though i still don't believe she was a guy. i youtubed her and all the comments on her were damn disgusting. poor girl. she looks innocent enough)

okay last date before i'm confined, grounded, restricted, suppressed. yada. till 8th july.
watching i love you, man! with A tomorrow! exciting! :D it got quite a good rating. plus it's a bromance :)) gay activity ftw. haha. no not really. but brotherly love is so touching. just like the sisterhood. i don't yet have a group of friends called the sisterhood. but it's like ripping off the book name. plus the movies by the director are all pretty funny.
go pwn blocks! go mug fgs. gah. i've been stagnant for very long. but the heat is killing me. byebye!

2009-06-16T04:17:00.000-07:00

hooray today was seriously the most fun I've had in ages. And it was a study date, pathetic I know. But my official studybuds rule! Yay thanks yanne and chew great day even tho wasn't ttly productive. Hah media room in lib rocks its the best place to sleep and sit in any position you like without caring whether its obscene or unladylike. Oh funfacts. Pizza! Purposely sat at right wing so we could gloat at everyone ;DD but there was only this guy who walked past and said rather emo-ly pizza. Ha! So not much gloating achieved. Pizzahut pizza > Canadian and the portion size too! Then off to coro for bubbletea and we met the nicest guy at seveneleven who let us er change the littlemisscapsules till we got one we were okay with. And we ran off without buying anything. Haha the guy is really nice and cute. Y and V agreed. Erm this sounds fangirlie. Oh nevermind. Btw we went back thrice and had to buy yakult if not it was embarrassing. Oh yanne almost got hit by a car. Why do i feel like laughing. Dont know how that girl is gonna take care of herself let alone produce as many babies as she wants.Heehee. 711 is selling these capsules with accessories for the mrmenlittlemiss thingies. Really cute even though I'm don't normally like cute things. Or my idea of cute deviates from the norm. (Like I think huimin is cute.!) And pretty cheap at 1.80 for 2. Feel like collecting the whole set but I don't think other 711 peeps are nice enough to let us exchange.
Okay I am prac recounting. Oh we found out a new scandal heh heh and why do hc people sit in their dark room? They closed their shutters after revealing sacred info to us. Illicit activity?
Nice but brief talk with chew on the way back on the bus.A lot of other funny things happened yay man feel unsually light hearted. I don't even feel Xian about having to study bio. Woah.
And we called nanyang and hung up after the person said nanyang. Hahaha. Shall get our nanyang badges and stickers soon.
k dinnertime! Fun day! really high now. More mugging sessions whee okay okay blocks blocks blocks! Beams.
a day late by anberlin! Stuck in my head. So are hillsongs like hosanna and from the inside out. Even though I can't appreciate them for their real purpose... They're beautifully written. to melodic songs. They cure anything.

2009-06-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

from R's lj:

There is no mystery to happiness.

Unhappy men are all alike. Some wound they suffered long ago, some wish denied, some blow to pride, some kindling spark of love put out by scorn—or worse, indifference—cleaves to them, or they to it, and so they live each day within a shroud of yesterdays. The happy man does not look back. He doesn’t look ahead. He lives in the present.

But there’s the rub. The present can never deliver one thing: meaning. The ways of happiness and meaning are not the same. To find happiness, a man need only live in the moment; he need only live for the moment. But if he wants meaning—the meaning of his dreams, his secrets, his life—a man must reinhabit his past, however dark, and live for the future, however uncertain. Thus nature dangles happiness and meaning before us all, insisting only that we choose between them.

-An Interpretation of Murder, Jed Rubenfeld

nice right. But are happiness and meaning really exclusive? I'm sure everyone has experienced downs, even kids these days. Can you even choose to live in the present if you wanted to. I mean doesn't the past define us? As much as we are changing. Oh well... great literature/quotes should just be revered and not interfered with.

if I go by different subjects, it will be even messier and I don't dare incur the wrath of study table which already is piled up with .... Stuff.
Just discovered that we have hallmark channel which seems to play lots of soaps, oh but oprah was showing and she interviewed kate winslet! And her roles in the reader (haven't watched!) and revolutionary road. Ah stone I completely agree, think leo di caprio and kate are soulmates! Maybe they love each other in a way that transcends bgrs/spouses. Do people necessarily love the person they marry most anyway? Or do they settle? Anyway, revolutionary road!!!!! Think the ideas are actl applicable in our local context. I rmb this quote from the movie. 'if living life the way we want it is crazy, then I don't care if I'm completely insane.' wonder how many adults feel suppressed and have resigned ourselves to the way life should be. They may have been too idealistic but maybe they only appeared that way because the others were simply content with self delusion and a sense of mild contentment. We think that if we are similar to others, we are right and accepted. Shall read yates one day. I found this bk by dh lawrence in my bookshelf and am quite blown away. The openness and ugliness of human emotions and perceptions portrayed is different from almost any prose I've read. Move aside plath i have another idol. Sons and lovers was shocking too. Haha I rmb when banana and I wanted to set up angsatirispection. Lit lives on!.
Back to school with yanne and val tmr! We shall be productive and be studybuds/mugbuds. Ordering in pizza x) Think I will be quite happy in school. Quite sick of home I miss schoollll extended solitude with the daunting task of studying is just unbearable. If I have to suffer, might as well do it in the company of other similar pitiful souls. okay hang in there peeps,we'll get through this alive. Looks like its gonna rain hell yeah!

2009-06-09T03:20:00.000-07:00

:D
oh damn i jogged for nothing yesterday mum ~~stole~~ brought home pastries from ritzcarltonbuffet.
peekturespammage!

very old photo from jts :) don't have the whole class photo. nicole lim looks very pretty as always. i realise my camera makes everyone look drunk/red/both.

stick and i dropped in on stone before her arts fest performance. :D her eyelashes were dropping out.
whooooo hcgc redeemed ourselves

HOMECOMING :D:D OUR TABLE. whoots xoxoxo forever! there were actl much nicer pics taken on the field(whole class photos!!! but i have no idea how to embed/encode/whatever it is called) with the moon and the PROUD TO BE A NY GIRL BANNER but they're all with other people cos my camera sucks.

i like this pic! uhm the next one is quite censored cos we were attacked -.-

the stone and the rat

many other closeups but we all look sweaty/bright. promise to invest in a better camera. oh yes i also saw jiajun! think she came back from america. but didnt get the chance to talk, pffft. actually i think as we get older we know more people but talk less, and ...

sexy being herself mwahahahahah she doesn't read this anyway

peace out. peace. haha rightttt.

regina spektor's album's coming out!!!!!!! she is very quirky and has a unique singing technique. she makes weird sounds. and writes lyrics which i don't really get.
nice song. a day late by anberlin :) heard of them before.

so let me get this straight
you say now you loved me all along
what made you hesitate
to tell me with words what you really feel
i can see it in your eyes you mean all of what you say
i remember so long ago, see i felt that same way
now we both have separate lives and lovers (and lovers)
insignificantly enough we both have significant others

only time will tell
time will turn and tell

we are who we were when
could've been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
we are who
we are who we were when
who knew what we know now
could've been more but at least you're still my day late friend
we are who
we are who we were when

but thoughts they change and times they rearrange i don't know who you are anymore
loves come and go and this i know i'm not who you recall anymore
but i must confess you're so much more then i remember
can't help but entertain these thoughts
thoughts of us together

2009-06-08T06:47:00.000-07:00

Caution- long rambly sentimental dripping with goo post ahead.
Contiki:))))) someone sponsor me then we can go travelling~. My mum travelled after her os with some friends and they were sponsored or sth. Get to go to europe!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhh.
Whoo bored with probability. Oh someone thinks I'm 'deep'.Coooooool. But really I don't think I am compared to quite many peepies. Okay some others think i am a bimbo and iinw, thats a contradiction so there It all cancels out -smug- but i am not a bimbo too:/Everyone has their own inner thoughts its just how much you talk about them etcetcetc.
cheem thought of the day: perhaps why friends are so impt is coz they are a reminder that we are largely determined by those we closely associate with or our immediate environment.
Okay I know its not that cheem but my brain is not working optimally so :) but the nothing is unconditional thing is sad.

holiday highlight!! homecoming was quite fun. We were rather stoned but good company!. Still think ny rocks but i think everyone has well and truly
moved on and ny is a place where dear but distant memories reside? Still love it no matter what. Even the architecture warms the cockles of my heart. There be no other place like ny. seriously.Even if I rmb the happy parts its cuz there were hardly any unhappy memories there. Plus i still keep in touch with many ny people which shows that nanyang will always be part of my life, not just some footnote from the past. Erm not that hc is bad. It just pales in comparison. Its not even that 407 was v bonded cos we are pretty segregated but we can gel tgt and everyone has good friends outside their usual circles.and the 407 spirit is indomitable, a label I'd wear with genuine pride. Plus it helped that our extended xo family comprises a third of e class. Hm even 201 was okay, haha still keep in touch with 2 great friends from there and well it was not something very memorable we had a fun time with ycy and overcoming mind boggling conflicts to emerge as 'mature young ladies' hahaha! And nygg!! Haha many hilarious stuffs happened. I still dream of the guides ppl. Housecrashers! A group of people I have the most fun with. And we talk about interesting issues tgt. Aha. We're in 3 diff schools but I'm sure we will meet up again to catch up where we left off! Really I feel so proud of how far many of us have grown. also, I actually think i'll miss hc quite a bit when its time to leave. Hc's cool too in an eye opening manner. Except ppl are very competitive and closet a lot of things and well 'growing up' but maybe thats the way the world works. Hc seems mild in comparison and i am in the presence of mainly nice enough people so i should consider myself lucky. Hc has been intense in a good way, drawing tgt real friends, showing how things would be like and enabling transition into adulthood.( don't wanna grow upppppppp) definitely lucky to have some excellent friends on a daily basis very happy at how it has turned out as compared to last year which was more circumstantial.yay~~~~ so yes while ny was a snow globe in which you see pretty things even when shaken up, hc is like a mirror; when you peer closer there are imperfections but after you get used to it, it becomes second nature and learn to overlook and accept things to move on. But its nice to have diff friends knowing each other and realizing how all the social circles converge. Peektures up later.Thanks to sl team leader who brought us through. The children were cool! Even bio lecture was not so bad.poor lj was suffering beside me in agony:( ah incoherent but idc
funniest thing I heard all day 'the only sport my dad does is surfing. Channel surfing.' brain messer!! I shall find a way to swirl up the contents of your brain one day too just wait and see
Don't really feel like saying much coz its not an actual depiction if what I think changes anyway.
Mmhm i need more good music. Relieves the monotony.Bleh how am I gonna finish. Study dates be warned. Delightfully angsty sessions ahead.
5 more months to go. No regrets and no pain, no gain. Come on.

2009-05-29T04:27:00.000-07:00

school's out! (okay not really i'm going back on monday actually to take this test to find out how sane i am haha it's a psychometric analysis thing-.-)
think i'm gonna miss it a bit, actually. amidst the hectic craziness and wanting to fall asleep or basically just scream during lectures/tutorials and feeling like what i'm studying is quite irrelevant, school has been quite fun in a weird depressing funny amusing way. aka, my friends make school life more fun than hor fun.
not rly looking forward to the massive mugging that needs to be done. hopefully june hols will be fruitful though, and i'll end up being recharged for even more brain-cramming days ahead. must do much better than bt1! but of course, the hols will contain some semblance of fun. some meaning a teensy weensy bit.
now for the last episode of gg!!!! and am dying to watch coraline. (yeah the neil gaiman book one). and read too. but maybe i shouldn't read cos watching a movie or 2 is more brainless. and like my brain is already .... in a sad vegetative state. except if the movie's like revolutionary road which rly makes you question many things.and fill poddie with more good tunes.AND GREAT SINGAPORE SALE! alice!!! let's go shopping yoohoo~ i'll only be allowed out on very few days so book me, babies. cannot wait for HOMECOMING @ NY! and shopping before that. & our SL YAY HAHAHA we will not die don't worry.
987fm's live over lunch is great!!!!!! The radio doesn't always play crapmusic. the energy of live concerts! Assuming the bands/singers sound good. Looking fwd to their stripped show on sundays whoo makes me think of lazy sunday ( this being an oxymoron) summers.
plus on occasion i must start thinking about what i will do, notice it's not should/can/want to do. must reconcile passion/interest and practicality somehow. think it's possible, even though the road will be confusing and filled with doubt. i really think money and prestige are not priorities. then again, my dad makes sense. you have to earn a decent good sum if you do want to help people. the prob is that i'm quite idealistic, i have these notions, but putting them into action may not be so easy, and i don't exactly plan out how i'm going to achieve it. you only get to live once after all, and i do want to do something meaningful to myself and to others, especially the less fortunate. there are people who are really not worth the effort after all. the most ideal'd be if everything came wrapped up in this nice package, but there's always bound to be some opportunity cost.
i realise quite a lot of my gd friends don't believe in true love. haha not surprised though. personally, i also believe that it's an asymptote. whatever IT is. i think people who are quite cynical towards things are actually romantics at heart. bad generalisation. but anyway there r intermediates and u can be really cynical about some things and open to other experiences. anyway it's true that maybe it's coz we haven't experienced it yet. anyway at this age, who knows what love is. interesting to see how everyone ends up and continues to evolve in this aspect. BYEBYEBYE

2009-05-28T06:07:00.001-07:00

From BFFAE. hahaha. i don't think it's vvvvvv accurate, especially the gross parts. wth!!!! sigh. i always get maligned. i don't "try to push all my friends into the gay community". anyway i have nothing against gays. hahaha. anyway. okay here is the original link.
ttfn!
http://www.allthetests.com/quiz09/quizpu.php?testid=1092339227&katname=Complete-Personality-Profiles

Your personality name is “ The Judicious Rationalizer” a kind of “The Humbler”
IN LAYMENS TERMS
Your genius level: (Based on a scale of 1-10) you scored: 8.6-10 (semi-genius)

Your personality brief: Hmmm…the reasonable one. You are the ideal thinker, rational, wise and expressive. Friends look to you for comfort, understanding, reasoning and advice. You are witty and know your way around. You are quite down to earth, humble, and centered. Clever can easily describe you in many aspects. You sometimes feel isolated when put in situations you can’t control. Silence and solitude in your thoughts is your retreat. You have a very uncanny natural ability to sense the feelings of others and tend to finish their thoughts for them in conversation. This also leads to your methods of solving problems. Your means of expressions come in many different forms and may not be understood by people who are unfamiliar of your potential. Being sexually capable and agile, you tend to exceed limits of being shy but are standoffish, observant and compliant in approaching new challenges. Travel, new faces, new things and fun experiences are something you crave on the most awkward occasions but in the eyes of your friends and lovers it is very intriguing, interesting and different which makes you a very interesting, complex person.

Good side of your personality: You are a very virtuous and trustworthy friend. Dependable, astute, stable and have a very firm grasp on logic. Intriguing, interesting and fun. In-tuned with nature. You are also open-minded.
Bad side of your personality: You tend to be picky, short tempered and not easily persuaded (stubborn). Your flirtatiousness can be tempting and distracting.

Career calling: Consider a profession in the medical field to give you a chance to channel your natural ability to help others. Also a career in development in technology, biochemical research, and a whole range of pioneering professions may be up your alley. Your limits are endless once you are determined to follow through with what you want to achieve.

Relationships: Ah…the skeptic. Your personality is known for this. Always varying between every aspect, every level, and every detail of a situation in order to solve a problem. Comparing and contrasting is your natural method. Sometimes you operate this method subconsciously and not even being aware of it. Now with relationships, you tend to be apprehensive about settling down with the person you are involved with due to the absent paranoia that there could be more opportunities out there as far as romance goes. You have been loving, loyal and give your all in relationships. Because of this, a dramatic experience in a particular relationship has or will cause damage in your future relationships on your ability to take a leap of faith in a lasting relationship. Commitment is a continuously wavering battle with you. Should you give your all or not? Should you keep close or remain distant? You are loving and considerate to others, so try and forward that ability to committal relationships. Most of your relationships in the past dealt with this issue, on either sides of the party. You can be extremely sympathetic and caring to those whom you love and people are naturally attracted to this aspect of your personality and may in some ways become attached, thus becoming obsessive over the idea of you. Just deliver what you are willing to give in a relationship and only be involved in one that you feel comfortable in. Romance out of sympathy is the worst possible mode of love. You are an amazing person. Realize it and be with someone you deserve. You are best suited with someone who can provide a beacon of light to your perspective on life. Someone like the optimistic Virgo, the loyal Capricorn, the warm and caring Aries, the dynamic and interesting Gemini or the protective Taurus. Beware of the domineering Libra, the manipulative Cancer and the egotistical Scorpio.

Future at a glance: You are someone who shall be remembered throughout time. Don’t worry about the pessimistic present. The storm will clear in time. Pleasant surprises might await you in places you’d least expect for it to appear. Channel your reactions to things as something more obvious rather than kept back. Someone may ask or say something to you expecting a response that could determine the direction a situation may go. Your reaction could hinder the delicate flow of things. Choose your words wisely; don’t be afraid to let them know how you feel when the situation arises. Be bold, but not careless. Love is also knocking at your door with opening arms. Not one door, but TWO. Which door you open is up to you…

Advice: You have a stronger impact on people’s feelings than you may think, as well as your own feelings. Consider, appreciate and reflect over the aftermath of situations. Don’t use the power of influence too rashly or things can get a tad out of hand. Use confidence in every gesture and go for things that will benefit others as well as you instead of all or nothing. Remember, life is something to treasure with appreciation and no regrets. Treasure it being sure rather than apprehensively.

2009-05-26T02:57:00.000-07:00

dumdeedum I think I am too relaxed. In a good way. The stressed out feeling is diminishing but it seems to be building up around me. But its only natural. Life is as hectic as ever. Have gotten used to it, but we all could do with a nice long holiday to recall how we were supposed to be spending our youth. Oh well. It'll make the post-A period even more enjoyable, hopefully.

amidst the numbness, focus and determination that the rest of this yr requires, it's good (or not) that i've sobered up. in some ways. think i'm more objective and can judge things better. sort of. haha. okay fine but this is relative. in retrospect, i used to be really innocent and naive. but that was because of nanyang and that i was fortunate enough to be in a quite harmonious, still pretty bonded class. not that the world is v bad. but let's just say it's much more complex than i used to think it was. I don't dislike jc, even though i might give that impression . it's necessary to show you how things work, and besides, this is only the start. plus there are redeeming qualities and people that justify the hardship and realisations, after detaching yourself from the situation. it's better to be more certain of things and appreciate things with honesty than to idealise them and think everything is all fine and dandy." the people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind" definitely quite lucky that things have grown out of mere circumstance, and i'm not idealising this for sure cos it's been double/triple-supported. anyway this shall be reserved for the future when i have more time. yes yes yes need to be focused and more self-interested this yr. self-interest is not necessarily bad. think things are sort of quite balanced for now. leave it at that.

on a lighter note, my friends have TALENT. but i'm too grossed out by the fic. too much violence. but. i'm really proud. damn cool. go get published already, seriously.

this wk is quite filled. Arts fest (it was great! even tho we only stayed till 1st interval. think we redeemed ourselves. and i successfully embarrassed some people. :D and S and i dropped in on Stone whose eyelashes were dropping off haha stones aren't supposed to have eyelashes anyway) i didn't perform cos someone STOLE my dress and shoes! or maybe it's rotting somewhere. that person must have very weird taste, seriously. i'm actl quite amused. but my mum is gonna kill me when she realises her heels are mia. die! D: worst thing is i won't be able to replace 'em secretly cos they were bought in m'sia. sigh) sl dry run,and if things go acc to plan, a night of Shakespearean magic. Har. The prospect of watching already quite insane friends(when sober) get drunk is just too appealing. Plus shakespeare!! Anyway. June hols look quite busy.See how I'll work my way round it. I don't get how some ppl deal with so much, really take my hat off to them. Speaking of which, need more hats/caps. Very convenient for hiding face and badhairdays and they make a good statement.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going. btw have found a new place! Prob not gonna come here often.

2009-05-22T08:02:00.000-07:00

There are happy aspects and crummy ones.. It is life. I shall stop being self absorbed with this miniscule view of life that doesn't exist out of caring about insignificant stuff, stop whining, shut up, spend rare free time thinking/ talking about whatever transcends my life and get ready to face the world. Btw celia your post was amazing. It just switched my mood 180 degrees. There is still much beauty and knowledge left to be discovered and awesomely cool people to do it with so. Plus there are many funny things.there is a need to rise above circumstances and just fight for something that is necessary. If its true, it will last. We can do this together comrades!The choice is ours to make.

//edit : i feel like i've achieved much more in nanyang. haha or maybe it's because my linguistically-gifted friends spun golden yarns. they made what i've achieved in ny sound damn bloody good. but seriously. the cca achievements (even though many activities were a bit ...) guides was really active. and yes we did have quite a lot of fun being station masters and pigging out before our peers arrived. plus i swear lang arts lessons were vvvv helpful in intro-ing us to competitions that we really cared about and learning stuff. YES. LA LESSONS!! i bet all 407ers miss them much. hc also gives us many opp.s but somehow i really don't feel like i've achieved much. or maybe it's coz i don't really care for what i'm doing ( goes back to H and J's discussion on talent/interest/ambition) or mainly are portfolio-oriented. not true for people who really have passion in what they doing. but i promise to do many exciting things after A's and continue with imhcip when it begins again coz it's really quite eye-opening. hm. in any case. testimonial writing makes me feel guilty cos i'm praising myself even though i don't feel like i've put in that much effort. if i've to use all this material when it comes to UNIapps and essays, i will just feel even more guilty. hopefully essay writing is more open-ended.

anyway, thanks friendsies for making me feel optimistic about life. like, there really are so many things to do. after A's. it's a necessary evil. and anyway we must face the circumstances, life would perpetually be a bitch for us. do with life and be practical about how i'm going to get there. Itll be fun figuring it out with other confused yet enlightened souls. VOLUNTOURISM. so happening. discover the world with friend anne meeting weird and wonderful people.! it can even start from singapore.maybe join back facebook if i feel like it. still think technology is irritating and distracting sometimes. But neither can we live without it. ironic! okay.
Countdown to post As liberation and reincarnation, baby!
new divide by linkin park!
heartless by kris allen!
permanent monday by jordin sparks!
byebyezx

2009-05-16T07:20:00.001-07:00

http://awakening.66ghz.com/
nice pictures :D

Just watched the video eud kindly tagged with. And we were quite good I thought. Considering how we sucked 4 months ago. Still pissed off w judges thanks for wiping out all our effort and hopes . Hmph but we won't let you bring us down. Anyway I realize I have never been much of a cca person, all that mattered was the friends I made. The only reason I think of guides is housecrashers (mia but I know we'll go bonkers when we meet up) and some fond memories of being in charge of activites I was not prepared for. Cca these 2 yrs have been okay but I hope I don't lose interest in the instrument. I get envious of ppl who are so enthu abt their cca coz I have never felt
bonded towards my ccas as a whole. (random: 407 rocks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! K at least I was in a fantastic class and I have always liked or at least had some attachmt to all classes I've been in) were enjoyable but not like np in which batchmates are still so close and they would go back to chat about old times. Guess my earthchanging experience has yet to arrive

after researching some on plath and chatting with aud, i dreamt that she committed suicide! & of a murder case. very scary stuff. was so disturbed when i woke up. and for some reason, i was blaming myself for A's suicide.

gah really don't feel like studying dEVO coz it's just. in the words of the cool lj people "epic fail". i think i can understand but how the hell to answer the questions.

eeeeeeeeee there's this weird isolated feeling. sort of. i think it's just the prospect of having to study and all that since most commitments are sort of over. haiya. the only thing sustaining me is the thought of studying nice courses in uni and of course friendsies. mm yeah. comfort in shared misery. oh right, SL. hahaha we are so screwed it's actually quite funny. anyway. even june hols are gonna be saturated with mugging. i shall not blog much anymore because i just feel like complaining or ranting which is really not very mature.

the love counsellor aka me has some words of advice - (taken from rachael yamagata's song elephants) oh it'd be good therapy also to listen to soap&stone who is a trueblue gothic singer. very scary listening to her music but quite enlightening and maybe you'd be inspired to pile on the eyeliner and vivienne westwood clothes. i also find it really interesting to imagine how it would be like if certain people were "in love" or in a relationship (2 different things k) but sadly, f said that i won't ever get to see her bf. i bet she's kidding. it'll be cool to see how others' experiences go. anyway, bgrs are not everything, kiddies. friendships are just as, if not even more important. family too.
from yamagata!
So for those of you falling in love,
Keep it kind, keep it good, keep it right.
Throw yourself in the midst of danger,
But keep one eye open at night.

2009-05-05T06:35:00.000-07:00

kk gonna go on a HIATUS ( from blogging which i've really become overreliant on, plus it's no good for the mental health and eyesight of poor readers)

so i shall leave with quotes from wise people which pwns anything i could ever say.
(even though my name means i am wise by default grins at least my parents thought highly of me at birth

Happy mummys day!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay! Mums are the best. So are maids:) thanks harls! You 2 are the most helpful considerate people ever! And I appreciate you limitlessly.Even annoying dad who acts like little bro but is quite entertaining and makes sure my eyebags ain't that bad by dropping me off daily. My family ftw! Esp imaginary older sis who freaks me out cos she studies at the harvard. Medicine some more:P
happy birthday to two really awesome people. Harls and audrey!! :)))))) haha both of you are really different even if you share e same bday. But both of you really rock + are people whom converse on the same wavelength as yours truly. May you both succeed in life and hurry up get boyfriends already so you can have outlets for your ... Creative energies. Mwaha.- K shuts up-

but just lemme air some random thoughts. This would hardly be my blog if I didn't mindspam yall right. So anyway. I have questions and I expect some stimulating answers since this post is likely to collect cobwebs.
1. Is true love/ friendship defined as being very willing to do something for someone if the person might not do the same for you? Does it mean you love your family inadequately if you take them for granted? Is romantic love that different in nature from love for family/ friends and why so since we know it hardly lasts forever. So much focus is placed on romantic love over the other 2 kinds in music etc, why? which you would eventually prioritise, if you were forced into it?
2. Does altruism exist? Can altruism exist once we have certain expectations of others? How bout moral obligations?
3. Can life truly be fulfilling if you don't attempt to understand it? Is ignorance, or silent acknowledgement sufficient?
4. If everything is subjective, who gets to decide on what truth is? Excluding science and math which can be proven?
5. Why are science and religion usually seen as mutually exclusive? If 2 things seem to contradict each other, must we choose one over the other? Or is contradiction a necessary part of life?
6. If the purpose of studying hard is to go to a good school/ get your dream career, and continue to work hard, would you willingly do so? Would you give up your passion for something more practical? What does ittake to give up one's passion and how do we even know how strong it is or whether one has what it takes to make the cut? What is the cut in the first place?
Yay up for discussion. Pls blow me away with cheemerthanthy thoughts.

quotie time:
Tully C. Knoles
The greatest thing about man is his ability to transcend himself, his ancestry and his environment and to become what he dreams of being.
WOW.

Marcus Aurelius
The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts... take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature.
:)

Norman Vincent Peale
The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you will have.
--> very very apt. need to find some meaning in this dreadfully boring quite meaningless xianifying tough worrisome year.
plus the thing I currently feel saddest about is that in the midst of cramming all this info (most of which would be obsolete) into my head, I will have to make sacrifices. valuable sacrifices. things i would normally not be willing to sacrifice but do not have a choice. well actually it IS my choice, but i guess we all don't have a choice. Okay I shall tahan since its only 1 year left. Less than that. 6 months zomg. Okay but i really should stop to reflect on life, see how meaning and substance can be injected into it. Really find some study buddies though chances are that I wouldnt be able to study with real buddies. Much too distracting. K anyway. Yes I will get my priorities straight and still try to ya know live life the way I feel it should be led. ohmygosh suddenly feel very depressed. there really is no meaning in life. this year at least. meaningless. i am entering the dark phase. not the black-tees-and-berms one. i shall be a fashionable jaded soul. think vivienne westwood meets emily the strange. yeah if only my allowance was much more than your average richp6kiddo's.
random note. i miss good friends who always pop in and out cannot label y'all cos y'all are all special in different ways but are still very appreciated and remembered. i hope that we won't forget each other. -cue demi lovato's don't forget- that song just makes me very sad when i listen to it. but in a good way. cos sad music makes me happy? sometimes. nah but happy noisy meaningful music pwnz alllllllll.

I JUST FILED EVERY SINGLE EFFING THING. besides bio which is kinda a mess. but still ... I shall reward myself with an ep of GG. and tmr = organise everything. i am neat. i am zen. i am a neatfreak (haha T)
david cook still writes very honest amongthebest lyrics :):):) but someone must've broken his heart really bad. ouch. i guess generally the lyrics in music about relationships in that sense are quite off-putting and generalise the whole notion of <3. i feel that the most painful lyrics to listen to sometimes make the best songs. cook rocks :] analog heart was his best work. adam lambert can't beat him even with eyeliner and his mariah carey range.

someone is never online when i'm online. damn. okay well sorta. anyway. MOVE ALONG. gogogogo 6 months left then your life would really restart!

may everyone stay sane.

2009-05-01T03:35:00.001-07:00

edit/
REVOLUTIONARY ROAD! AHHH. just go watch it. even though mosta you wouldn't be able to get in seeing as it's M18 -smirks- but yeah. "brilliant and depressing". and it covered something i've been thinking about - how many different reasons could contribute to the breakdown of a relationship. plus kate winslet and leo dicaprio! the ultimate couple with the best chemistry. better than your *cough zanessa*

I kind of don't feel like talking about the event anymore, but I guess some closure would be appropriate. it's also weird cos i haven't been seeing that much of my ccamates besides the moping/talking session with chuazy on thu, But much better thanks to tact, concern, support offered by friends, even people I'm not close to. Appreciate it, really. Helped a great deal.
I guess most people would already know how SYF went. even though it was swept under the rug. Notice I didn't say how "we screwed up" because till now, most of our members still maintain that we did our best, and we honestly thought it was one of our better performances.
Which was why it was all the more shocking and painful. It took quite a while to register. Luckily Kewei and I weren't there at the exact time of the results release, if not I think we really would have been utterly shocked.
So basically it was shock/numbness/cannot register the fact/rejection of the fact/disappointment/anger/rage/disappointment/gradual resignation/pissedoffness.
my first reaction upon receiving the sms was *censored* and even people who cannot stand vulgarities agree that there is no better word to describe how this came to be.
worst is that we practised so hard, 3 times a week, sometimes even more, and ALL ALONG, we really believed that we would do much better. So it was hard when our hopes came crashing down.
anyway, my opinion is that the judges were unable to appreciate the subtle dynamics and yeah probably sound issues and admittedly, we are not as skilled as some of the other schls' players plus we didn't prep early enough, but we definitely do not in any way deserve the horrible results. Erghhhhhh. I'm just repeating myself.
Actually, just go read the HCGC blog, because all of it is kind of summed up.
Plus according to other members, it was either "really fucked up" (which i agree with, but it makes us sound like sore losers which we really aren't

(jess' post) think it's a bit defensive, but the main idea's there. and it's good that it's from a guy's pov coz they're better at detaching themselves from their emotions right. most, anyway.
www.hcguitar.blogspot.com
SYF Results Announcer: "Hwa Chong Institution. (suspense.) Bronze."
The whole guitar ensemble sits stunned for something like 2 minutes. I feel a strange sense of calmness, then it all comes crashing down.
Its not that we played badly. On the other hand, I thought we played at 95% of our best standard. Which is super good. Neither was it due to institutional factors (ie. unforeseen circumstances), but due to the fault of the judges (and to think they call them adjudicators.)

1. Professional incompetency.
Only 1 of the 5 judges was a guitar player. They gave random comments like "You must not exaggerate dynamic contrasts" and "The bass notes were not as clear as those on the higher register". My favourite: "Many groups used tremolo. You shouldn't." (Hello, that's what the guitar is made for?)And to make matters worse, they demanded a "narrow focused sound [executed] within 1-2 milliseconds". Ms Wong says this is unachievable unless $10k guitars are used.

2. Poor acoustics.
The Republic Cultural Centre is a fantastic hall. No question about that. However, our wonderful judges chose to sit at the 2nd level. And the hall couldn't transmit lower-range notes to the 2nd level, since its more suited for vocals. Well most likely they heard a blur of bass notes (which comprise 40% of our ensemble) and didn't bother to think whether it was their problem. Oh, did I mention that the 2nd level was locked and out of bounds to everyone? Where did the transparency of judgement go to?

3. Lack of accountability.
The judges do NOT have to account for the results they give. We bore absolute faith with the SYF judging system, however we were sorely disappointed. No comments were given whatsoever, and appeals are apparently unheard of. Revealing actual scores? Not a chance.

4. Technical ineptitude.
K just before I get comments about how this is biased, I shall admit that we were technically and musically less adept than other schools, which were excellent. Cos we only practised for 4-5 months. (Oh, our previous conductor was rather, er, incapable.) But then of course everyone was screwed cos of factors 1 and 2.

VJC got silver, and all the groups after us got either silver/bronze. (except 1 gold the Chinese Orchestra song). And ACSI (JC) also got silver. Sounds funny? In total, there were 16 JCs. There was 1 GwH, 2 Golds, 6 Silvers, and 7 Bronzes. around there. disproportionate? You bet.

What can I say? We may have failed our expectations, but the judges failed us.

well-said!

anyway, the fiasco is kind of over, i think we are getting over it in the sense that we have no freaking time/energy thanks to school, though we'll probably not forget it. probably the most disappointing event of my jc life.
but there are happier things to look ahead to. i won't tell y'all to move on, but i guess we should still believe in ourselves, it's really not that we're lousy, but that they failed to appreciate our music. it's damn demoralising, but we've no choice but to try to put it somewhere in the back of our minds. mm yeah anyway i think i'm kinda okay about it, it just seems pointless to agonise about it, plus along the way, at least i've made several good friends in my cca, plus

but hoenstly i feel kinda unmotivated about cca, and embarrassed coz of what others will think of us, which is totally unjustified. but whatever. people will choose to believe what they want to believe.

--
eh i guess it's also not good to be too immersed in unfortunate series of events. stuff happening in the world reminds you that maybe your problems pale in comparison to the plight of others. RIGHT, NICOLE LIM! :D

as terrifying as mugging solely for the purpose of one big exam that determines what uni you get into and therefore probably your career, at least i don't have to decide on a lot of scary things for now. the future seems distant enough.

k much-needed HIATUS.

2009-04-25T00:42:00.000-07:00

Just finished quite ugly one morning by Christopher brookmyre. It is seriously hilarious in a cynical, britwit way and probably one of the most grotesque books I've ever read. Contains human corpses, dog corpses, erm farty fellows missing fingers and the works. Dont usually read such books but thought I'd give it a try and somehow dark humour does really make one feel much better! Maybe I'm a sadist. Quite strong language and .... Not for the faint-hearted. Nice book :DDDDDDDDD

Plus books make better company than quite a number of people. See, my recluse tendencies:) but i'm not that antisocial. reallyyyyyy. recently, think I've mellowed somewhat. As stone can attest to, my communication skills are weird when my brain malfunctions.

Huangcheng homies, good luck!!!!!!!!! Staying back in school till 11 every day will be worth it. Can't wait to be lost in translation at the spectacular show on sunday.
//SORRRYYYYYY HUANGCHENG HOMIES FOR LEAVING EARLY I KNOW I'M THE BIGGEST IDIOT EVER. neh but i really had no choice. i was even lucky to be allowed to attend the show. if you know how anal my parents can be. BUT YES I SUCK D: ESP TO BFFAE and the other ~~ponners~~ D: vvvvvv SORRY!!! we actually got presents for you! nice big furry presents!!!!!!!!! okay not really but they're anyway,.just cause I'm more cynical about things or maybe things were always like that and I finally realised doesn't mean I should compromise on things that are quite impt. Speaking of cynical, I won't ever become bitter or really cynical coz I believe that many genuine relationships and people exist, I really really do, its prob just me getting a bit disillusioned at stuff, world-weary is an appropriate euphemism.its silly to ponder about such stuff to the point of letting your shallow perceptions influence your way of thinking. I shall be zen. Anyway as s said 'there is nothing to fear but fear itself'. Yeppos

anyway, the show was GREAT. and huangcheng ppl really put in a lot of effort :D and it's so cool how they still maintain the tradition and had all those cute hc cheers at the end. makes me proud to be from hc, sniffsniff. understood more than 70% of the show! plus the company was fantastic. one retarded stone. great conversation, great chemistry, great sunday evening. btw it was quite interesting to see how DRESSED UP people were.

+++
It's all coming down to 7 minutes on stage.
It doesn't really matter that we're not bonded ( there'll be people I remember though and still keep in touch with), that we only really started prepping about 4 months ago, how much effort we put in and how tiring it has been (okay still been coping which is evident by my lack of any social life so I can't say much about that)
all the effort and sessions culminate in just 1 playing of 2 pieces and that's the tangible representation of time spent in this cca.
it really doesn't matter anymore because we will just have to own the stage and show 'em what we've got. That's what I enjoy most about being in an ensemble. the teamwork.if you can call it that. It can be frustrating, but the one show you put on justifies the effort.
there's the pressure that other syf groups have already outdone themselves.
I just hope that we all want it badly enough to give the performance our very best shot 'cause it'll all be over soon and i'll horribly miss car rides back with chuazy, semi-stoning and mindspamming k, mwong's long but sometimes useful pep talks, random bouts of laughter from a very random person, jjobsessionzxzx etcetcetc
so yay let's do this. can't wait you know like the period between exam papers is horribly agonizing even though you know you need the time to study, but you just wanna get it over and done with. but of course it's be nice to savour every moment of this particular event.
on a lighter note, k and I are gonna meditate on the bus. more like sleep coz its so earlyyyyy. Okay all the best don't break any strings switch off all phones to silent mode we don't want chuazy's scary voice for the support we're all set let's go

2009-04-16T06:52:00.001-07:00

yay i just deleted the last post.

and in summary,
1. thank you to group of friends in class + nice ppl for making my life quite stress-free and happy in school. Quite lucky even tho some things just piss me off. Flaunting of complacency, we all don't wanna look like geeks but the way some ppl hide
it intentionally and go against their lack of principles is ...I have nothing to say. my school evidently has a lot of. Its ok to do it sometimes but thou ought not to be so blatant. Just venting.
thanks stef! Was just starting to think you disappeared.Its hard hardly seeing close friends like you, but its just the time issue friends for life yeah
2. SO MUCH WORK!!!!! dies and cries. Mind over matter. Worst is filing ohmgosh my things are in huge ... Puddles.
3. i'm a lucky kid with aircon and electricity and a comfortable life, so why am i complaining again
4. because i'm a self-indulgent brattie for now. Some self interest is part of being a teen I should stop trying to grow up too fast and enjoy the wild mistakes-fully-permitted ride
5. GO HCGC!!!! you're stressing me out like nobody's business but i lurb you still. let's fight for it! :)
6. erm guilty. and the stress/angst/emo-ness of others is getting to me just this little bit. and i feel silly for feeling guilty cos some things can't be helped.
7. in the schooliscool mode! :) bought a cool new backpack not that gross pinkish red thing i carry around that makes me look like an accidental bimbo + hairclips too. yay so schoolgirl. So that I will start lurbing school and school will lurb me back. Lurblurb this is so lijing-.- haha oh lj and n keep flirting its so .... Funny to watch.

8. i think i should be more worried about acads like that b word in particular coz i look at the way people who to me are doing well enough are so worried and i dont have a choice but to be worried. its quite silly but I am feeling pressurized about not real feeling pressurised. i was just comforting someone about this so ironic and i meant whatever i said and i was really Zen and after this i'll be quite happy too hopefully.
people are hard to read. but it shouldn't bother us cos people only allow us to see a certain side of them. But I guess that makes life fun in a way, if everyone were so understandable there wouldnt be any intrigue. The best is not to think about it like ppl who can see things but do not let it get to them
Susan Boyle rocks! Thanks shuyi! For choco cake too which was the only nice thing I rmb eating.
am q hyped up for syf. But the sad truth is we are borderline silver //gold. So ... It might come down to indiv judges n other schl's standards or even slight mistakes. .hope that everyone gets in the zone and the rest is up to fate/chance/luck. Would be v disappointed with a silver but we started chionging quite late and we all have other commitments and anxiety seems to be running high so its hard to say. Hope hope hope and practice is all we can do. Just get our popular pres to rev it up even tho I couldnt tell how the general mood was. plus am I one of the concerned parties?I'm sure it matters to us but that can only showthrough our actions.
a tamed mind brings happiness. Back to referring to the practical guide for right living ironic once again how I dismissed self-help books in that essay but desperate times call for desperate measures. Btw sylvia Plath's poetry is very disturbing don't read it if you are confused about anything.
Gosh one more week or so! Hope things go well... And that its worth my brain cells (already v limited in supply) and energy.Practice and being unusually enthu about cca. Rehearsal tmr again late at night to get a feel of e audi. Yay dinner with kewei and stone before that = 2 very zen wise people.
I know other groups are struggling so all the best to you ppl if we manage to pull it together I'm sure you all can do the same.
Zennnnnn. I feel better already. Self control self belief find the strength from within.

complexity of people. of life. yes it's interesting but tiring. but interesting. yes it's interesting!

anyway cool blog!
http://hcunite.blogspot.com

see you after the 28th <3 hope i'm still alive by then :]]

2009-04-14T23:53:00.000-07:00

wednesdays are the worst longgg draggy daysssssss.

According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain
tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.
SO WHEN YOU FEEL DEPRESSED, EAT BANANAS!

7 more practices till THE DAY.

good luck everyone strings 29th choir can't rmb when harmonica band all the performing arts groups chess comps HUANGCHENG i know my poor friends have been working so hard and till so late at night they literally stay back in school till late at night for this and to all the sports people for competitions and to friends and to everyone facing daily struggles we can get through this.

2009-04-11T01:50:00.001-07:00

HI i'm in the school library now using the computerrrrrrr, 2 more hours till cca and around 0.5 hour before baka's lessons end. mondays rock coz we end early but 2 straight hours of organic chem has fried my brain, so all i can think of are oxidative cleavage and concentrated h2so4. oh right got back GP, which was quite horrible, my essay didn't make sense :( that pretty much sums up school life. school is just ... boring.But its interspersed with funny stuff nice stuff and friends do make life a bit easier and much more entertaining yes school is a happy place it's just the yawn plus I hope the probability of me not understanding probability is not 1 plus hectic cca schedule ( 5 times a week incl errands to run like collecting THE costume) plus sl stuff.Actl not vvvvvv busy compared to some ppl ( but ppl like bffae are no basis for comparison i dont know how she takes it)but i feel quite stressed a bit. Need to chillax!!!!!!! uhm yes my vocab is v limited but im gonna mug sat wordlist with a soon so watch out.NAPFA 2.4 TMRRRR!!! more worried about 2 of the 5 items.

jts was quite fun. good food and ming is a natural at acting. little nyonya number 2. but no interaction with juniors. and we were totally isolated at this table but it was fun laughing at my ... flirting friends and ice rojaks and cam/chem tutorials.
can't really remember much about what's been happening, this year even. it's all a big blur.
Everyone has different ways of dealing with grief. Revelation of the day. You see it happening all the time. Another realization that to make up for 2 years of loss of brain activity I shall embark on a mission to understand the world. I need to learn useful stuff actually about the world that impacts us. Minus political things in the economist.

anyway, stay strong, everyone!!! all the competitions/syf/huangcheng stuff will be over soon (maybe we don't want 'em to die down) ! LET THE HC SPIRIT SHINE THROUGH (wow i have school spirit) and of course best of luck to friends from other schoolzzzz

quizzie from yanneyeo-
If you enjoyed your sec school years, you'll do it.
If you have nothing else to do, you'll do it.
If you're here to read the questions/answers and pretend to hate to do it, deep down you'll still do it.

This tag is so fun because the answers can go on and on.
Read if you miss your high school years

Bio Data

1) Which school did you go to?
南洋女中 !!!! MY FAVE CHEENA COMMUNIST PLACE IN THE WWW!

2) What classes were you in?
101, 201, 307, 407

3) What was/were your favourite lesson(s)?
sec 1/2 math lessons!!! uhm LA lessons? Math? Lit?

4) If you could remember, what time was your recess?
1030am-1100am
1215pm-1.00pm
(wahlao yanne still remembers)

5) List down your favourite food/snacks.
local delight! the snacks that the snack stall auntie/uncle sold. potato wedges from jap stall! we ran down every wed so that we could get a steaming hot pack of them. yum.

1) Did you have a nickname way back in high school?
uhm. had many ridiculous ones in sec 1/2. what bonbon keenar kynzybaby NG keenata avriladdict hee.

2) How did you wear your socks?
ankle socks duhhhh okay but i was quite toot in sec 1/2

3) Have you been suspended due to the way you put on your uniform?
NEVER. only got caught for some earrings thing and for not wearing socks once.

4) Were you given plenty of reminders about your appearance?
nope!

5) Who did you look up to when you were in high school?
haha. PT! no, really. mrs ho. our principal. mrs westvik?

Punishment

1) Name one memorable scene where you were punished in front of the whole class.
in sec school don't have i think. in primary school i got scolded a lot, and i had to sit behind the teacher's desk cos joanne mingli and i kept talking plus mschan had a peptalk with me cos of the stupid pervy phase i went through,brings back tears of laughter

2) How many times did you skip class? What were you doing?
HAHAH. no comment. i was probably at home recuperating.

3) Give one scene where you escaped from being caught/punished.
not having to hand over my ex-link card when i was late? cos the teacher forgot.

4) Did you vandalize any school property?
desks? does my deskmates' arms count? heh

5) Did you ever make any teacher cry?
!!!!!!! no way. haha but nah i never was really close to any of the teachers.

1) Who was your favourite teacher?
mrs ho.? sadly, i never really was that close to any teachers. but i guess they usually rmb particular students better.

2) Describe your DM.
" hmm. she is an.. interesting character with interesting... variations of speech. " - yanne.
no comment!

3) Who was the funniest/weirdest/loudest teacher?
mr mackintosh haha his bootyshaking and i remember his upper body was proportionally smaller to his lower one.
YCY!!!! RUBBING ERASER DURING OUR MATH TEST!

Social Circle

1) Were you popular back then?
hahaha. i guess i was really noisy what with all the avril obsessing in sec1/2 pretty quiet in sec3/4 with the whole class but totally noisy with my good group of friends. wouldn't say i was popular though.

2) Were you in a big group of boys/girls or small ones?
HMMM. small in sec1/2 and it was damn messed up cos of petty misunderstandings but now it's all good :) in sec3/4 pretty big - XO GANG! whoo. but of course even within the group, there're those we're closer to separately.

3) Who were your good friends?
sec 1/2 - yanne tricia grace ong val chew terri evelyn
sec 3/4 - celia kewei jojo steffi baihuiiiii rattina rachloke florence eliz hattina (basically XO gang) plus angela huiqi shuyi actually on friendly terms with classmates in general
nygg = housecrashers! val mingyi cloudy HUIMIN!!!
4) Did you and your friends have nicknames?
HAHA. baihui = stripper
kewei = baka!!!!
jolynn = jojoba/stoney
rachel t = rattinaaaaaaa
rach loke = EDWARD CULLEN
florence - fluffybum chickenasslau
heather = hattina
steffi = steffisan/stuffy/stick
celia = ALICE. duh.
etc.

more amusing ones -
mell = bimbostick
shuyi = ELIZABETH. don't ask.

5) What were you favourite memories of you and your friends?
many many can't recount all. tyre swings. staying back late and getting frightened cos the school's so dark, nanyang girl guides weird stuff, during canteen breaks, huiqi getting drunk, the day we did a photograph tour of the school i still have all the photos
many happy memories in nanyang, even though it wasn't perfect, i think we had a great sheltered 4 years there.

1) Who was your first crush?
eh sorry i'm straight. heehee. okay but i rmb that in pri school, i liked my desk partner but that was only cos i started having hormones. and it was stupid, i tell you, EVERYONE has weird crushes in pri schl. even people you'd least expect.

2) Are you in good terms with your last crush?
:0

3) Did you ever have a relationship with anyone in your high school?
haha no as i said i'm straight ;)

4) Have you ever made out in school?
?!?!?!?!?

Closing Ceremony

1) How did high school change you?
It made me who i am today. i wouldn't be the same person if i had gone to another school (just imagine if i had gotten a high enough score to go to rgs. i would have been really different and my chinese would be much worse) i wouldn't have the same (great) friends, and i wouldn't understand what it means to say "i'm proud to be a nanyang girl".

2) Sing one verse of your school song.

我们跟时代进行,
高唱谐和的歌音，
五育平均齐发展,
堂堂地做个完人。

from yanne. don't expect me to type chinese here :)

3) What was your favourite question?
WHERE'S HEATHER? typical pt.

TAG:
eudora (not SA one)
celia
baihui
wanyi
jingyi
tricia
whoever wants to waste 15 mins

2009-04-08T06:03:00.000-07:00

Pretty drained out from cca and school stuff but I'm still alive ...and kicking. Hahaha dress fitting was hilarious! Couldn't zip up the top part at first (plz its impossible that that area expanded in a matter of 3 wks) and peoplenthought I was a ghost inside cos kewei and gang hadn't returned with the teacher. Wahlao actually saw val but she didn't recognize me. Hahaha
was freaking hilarious. And yes the dress. Actl its quite cute but its just super long.I'll consider wearing it to prom if you give me 100bucks though. K anyway what else. Yes I love hcguitar! Sorta:) I ready badly want us to get our gold and show the world that baba and jjobsession pwnzzzz. Yep cool ppl in my cca all the way let's rock the last few practices events rehearsals and brush up on the imperfections.
28 april. Tuesday.842am. Hcgc. vch??Win ! ! !
IMH visit on sat rocked breastie is excellent company srsly feel completely comfortable with her.plus I like imh... Interesting patients who enlightened me bout how doraemon came to be plus other stuff and its cool getting to know those ttly different from you. So much more meaningful than erm mugging.
Aw am also kinda missing some people.hmm but thats life.
Last last lastly bio didn't suck tt much. Of course I didn't really do that well, but am sorta okay about it. Not too bad. Waiting for gp its my last chance to get a decent grade. So far blocks have been better than expected, except m kinda disappointed for
math and must somehow do better for bio. Yep but I'm finally improving!! Pats. Guess its kinda good that I'm pretty busy this year which has reduced x inefficiency yeah and thanks friends esp classmates for being helpful and motivational and all that. Definitely stressful but you've just got to rise to the challenge when you're in this sort of environment. It's good I guess.
ADAM LAMBERT ROCKS!!! whoo. not as good as david cook but still very inventive and his version of "mad world" was omgly stunning. even got my mum all hyped up so yeah.

2009-04-07T02:53:00.000-07:00

A lot of things have been happening, nothing earth-shattering, but life is not as stagnant as I thought it'd be. Hmmmmmmm.
Time to think about the future. It could go any way. Unpredictable or safe and boring or anywhere in between.
Quite worn out from CCA, school life etc, the homework pile that will never ever end till this year is over, but it's not that bad. Will be relieved after this month is over, but perhaps a bit purposeless. Oh well, hang in there, everyone!

Vincent by Don McLean. Really old song that I just discovered.

Starry
starry night
paint your palette blue and grey

look out on a summer's day
with eyes that know the
darkness in my soul.
Shadows on the hills
sketch the trees and the daffodils

catch the breeze and the winter chills

in colors on the snowy linen land.
And now I understand what you tried to say to me

how you suffered for your sanity
how you tried to set them free.
They would not listen
they did not know how

perhaps they'll listen now.

Starry
starry night
flaming flo'rs that brightly blaze

swirling clouds in violet haze reflect in
Vincent's eyes of China blue.
Colors changing hue
morning fields of amber grain

weathered faces lined in pain
are soothed beneath the artist's
loving hand.
And now I understand what you tried to say to me

how you suffered for your sanity
how you tried to set them free.
perhaps they'll listen now.

For they could not love you
but still your love was true

and when no hope was left in sight on that starry
starry night.
You took your life
as lovers often do;
But I could have told you
Vincent
this world was never
meant for one
as beautiful as you.

Starry
starry night
portraits hung in empty halls

frameless heads on nameless walls
with eyes
that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the stranger that you've met

the ragged men in ragged clothes

the silver thorn of bloody rose
lie crushed and broken
on the virgin snow.
And now I think I know what you tried to say to me

how you suffered for your sanity

how you tried to set them free.
They would not listen
they're not
listening still
perhaps they never will.

2009-03-30T06:24:00.000-07:00

2 days mc... Envy me :DDD wait but before you go 'not fairrr you sucky ponner' it kinda sucks to be sick. even though mel misheard me saying "i'm hot", i really am hot now. how ironic. burning up ~~~~ :// I have a sore throat that acc to doc is ' very red and sore' and I had to cancel appointments with teachers i am incredibly sorry bffae. Public apology, you better accept it. most importantly, I won't see my belovedest friends ah but they were mean and laughed at my lack of voice. they're just jealous. I exaggerated quite a bit but my throat is really not in good condition and oddly enough, I don't sound sexy. unless you consider my current voiceless condition cool. i really dont think so since someone went " why are you whispering?" Conclusion is that while most ppl sound sexy when they have sore throats, I sound sexy when I don't have a sore throat and can actually sound sexy with one if I speak. So anyway I walked over to nanyang just now to wait for my dad to pick me up and was sitting at the netball bench in the soft drizzle with hardly anyone else around, and thought, nanyang is so beautiful even at night. Ah nanyang:) the pristine clocktower. it's really a very beautiful school. plus when i see the rawness and tootness of nanyang girls (those words don't even come close to capturing the essence) its v hard to put into words its just that ny feel of nanyang girls even in j1 there's something so recognizable about that, dunno whether some part of it still exists in me. I would like to think so. but i dont feel that uncomfortable in jc anymore. like hc can be quite serene in the evenings.

So anyway things went downhill from there and I had this pounding headache. Maybe retribution for not speaking practically the whole day. K anyway a short break is good I need to recover (sucks man I rarely get sick:( ) and gear up for next 4 weeks of madness prep for syf wth we have to go back to school and can't watch the other schools perform so we don't miss lessons. Suckkkkkkks to the max. Plus I'm very worried bout how I'd look in the dress. let's just say it does not flatter many body shapes. Just hope that I don't get ridiculed but all the girls are in it together so. I'm rambling already vvv sick k 948 sleeping now byebye i love staying at home rooting for CHAIR. and i watched nick and norah today. i was really slack, i swear. i watched nick and norah's infinite playlist too! great show :)) very teenagey. very aptly reminds me of the kind of life i could be living if it were not for -insert anything related to school- but i love the premise of two teens falling in love during one night. if you have chemistry, everything would naturally fall into place. i guess it's not like that in real life, cos there are many other factors, but it was nice and magical and cool chemistry. plus, the fact that they share very similar music taste is cool too. norah is so pretty in a cool non-conformist way, and michael cera, the lead in juno, is cute in a nerdy way. yay. it was really quite funny too, but a bit americanised. shall go indulge in the soundtrack. i like indie music. it's very comforting. like how the words may or may not sink in depending on how you feel.

SYFSYFSYFSYFSYF LET'S GO! and please please do not let me fall behind. time is really passing damn fast; it's quite scary. must hope that things will be kept intact despite the building up of the tornado. it's only the beginning. kkk will be back eons later.

Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

2009-03-28T08:45:00.001-07:00

http://www.myspace.com/themorningof

awesome awesome :D valencia's and my current obsession.

lovely people, thanks friendsies. i am contented for now.
random thought- sometimes letting go is the only way of holding on, i swear i'm not sounding cheem on purpose.
no life = no blogging.
btw www.fmylife.com nice sadistic way of being comforted that your life is not that sucky afterall. Whoo.

2009-03-24T02:18:00.000-07:00

IT'S OVERRRRRR.
bio was.... bio, you know how it is, it'sof my most feared subjects ever but i'll get over it somehow and make it my bitch, eventually. evolution seems quite cool. actually since i can crap so much i should be able to crap a lot for bio tsktsk why is it so kynaphobic. everyone seems to be complaining about chem paper. mwaha i have a very screwed up exam reaction.
oh but as Fl said, we're only 1/3 way through the school exams. why the hell does HC have so many freaking exams.
Head feels (not) tired, heart too. operating on coffee. 2 cups a day!

not being cynical or anything, but she really made a logical point, and yes, we are living in an environment of pretense. and all that. reality is fake?
if we really open our eyes, there's probably a lot that we can see.
but if you dont let it get to you it's not that bad. really. yep just choose not to dwell on the negatives.
there's still a lot to be grateful for.
and to those who have taken you for granted/ whom you've realised are unable to reciprocate, well, so be it. not that we should have expectations of everyone but there comes a point when the divergence is just all too clear. not exactly referring to anyone specifically.
I don't think I shall blog here that often, not only is it a waste of cyberspace, but erm i just don't feel the need to for a while. it's quite distracting. plus no one blogs nowadays anyway.
now all you blog-stalkers of mine can beg me to keep it open on my tagboard i might consider. kidding. byebye blog. till we meet again
--
just a quick note to say that just maybe life ain't as bad as it seems. okay hard to say when we've got so much to deal with wth noone ever warned us that jc life would be so ... intense. totally different from secschl plz we should have had some sort of mental prep. even though things may have stabilised? i'm very fortunate to have really good friends that can be counted on no matter what shitty/good situation i find myself in. erm well, those that remain. yes yes i cannot be idealistic and just accept what appears to be okay on the surface. only thing is i'll have to move on man that's life get a grip no wait you dont even have time to get a grip just carry on like nothing is happening. but really, thats what you have to do to survive. either live in self-denial or push everything away or just swallow it and move on.
sometimes i think that a little bit could just push us completely over the edge. the mental capacity for tolerance we have to have is amazing. we have to, therefore we are, therefore we can. sighhh.
life seems quite down, or maybe we dont have time to even think, but it will be okay. it has to. we can't possibly be suffering for nothing right.
for a very long time.
i feel like i'm talking to space. teehee.
okay i will be back when ....
WE ARE MUCH CLOSER TO SYF AND GOLD (+ honours?) is clearly in view
i think i'll work my ass off for guitar even if it means 4 times a week which means you will probably see a very zonked out moodswingy version of me.
and just attackhomeworkslesigh:( and spam friendsies when i've the energy/time
byebye.

2009-03-23T05:00:00.000-07:00

sometimes I wish I had an annoying little bro or sis to bully or a cool older brother to be evil to me but still protective.dont want older sis cos I'd prob be under her shadow or something. Yupyup my imaginary older sis audrey who studies at harvard talk about pressure. That was random. Yay. Anyway the only thing thats messed up right now is my hair!!!!!! I hate it:( no I didn't get a haircut but i look freakish if I tie it up so if I have a really bad hair day all I can do is try to stick it all into my pullover. Sobbbbbb. Urm I'll fix hair issues soon. Anyway math wasn't that killer thanks for the false tip and maybe I thought it was not that bad despite horrendous p and c cos I have 'low expectations'. Ev.
Bio is my bitch, yo. And chem is both organic and .... Well i dont wanna get this censored.And I'm secretly glad to be back in school. Hardly have time to think.Hate insomnia. Moderate case.And being around people makes
me quite happy. Depending on who, of course. Yepyepyep I'm not putting on a facade I moodswing sometimes but I am genuine enough I believe. Okokok last day of exams.... And then... Oh lots more scary stuff ahead gosh can't chillax coz we have spa.
Not the relaxing kind its bio spa.
Only fun thing has been discovering that I am actually not perceptive as I thought I was. Thanks. Okay so I have a lot to work on if I really think I can read people. Not that I'm gonna be doing that a lot. Thou shalt not judge.
Back to those notes, hang in there.

2009-03-21T03:28:00.000-07:00

This is the very very wrong time. And I did quite a stupid thing. Hmm. Okay but I will not be upset over anything because I'm not allowed to. I think I can get over this if I'm allowed to forget. I don't sound too emo right. Because the logical part of me thinks it's stupid to get emo over something that is bound not to turn out okay. it's like wasted effort.
There's freaking blocks next week, girl. What happened to your priorities? It's okay to slack around a bit you know you're not a workaholic but that was bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad.Anyway thank goodness a few people know about it, if not I think I'd go crazy. I just need some sound advice and the TLC of good friends, erm whom are not involved in the matter.

We're too young to be messed up and messed with. My heart goes out to all the jaded, bitter people in the world. That includes you. Don't worry, I'm fine, really. Kinda. Well it will stop at this. I hope this is vague enough.
beneath it all is the very sad realization that I wasn't there for them when they probably needed it. It doesnt matter that I didn't know exactly what was going on, I should have tried harder. We agreed that our priorities would change in unison, but i think that we might just drift apart because sometimes I don't really believe that we could sustain this with everything happening so fast and us not knowing or being there. But at least I know that we all care, very much. We just need to show it more. I know they'll probably be here, but oh well. I guess I could blame it on privacy and all that but the way I see it, we all need someone to lean on especially when it comes to such matters. Deeply sorry. I'm very guilty now you know the whole misery accumulating thing. But I can still see the light? Like how we will emerge better after everything. All it takes is one nice long session to get it all out. even if some things cannot be solved so easily. Okay I feel less :((((coughvomitcough now. I can get over this! We can get over everything! I hope its not too late to apologize. How ironic that thats one of my favourite screech out loud songs. Hm okay blogging is strangely therapeutic.

ROCK THE BLOCKS ROCK THE BLOCKS.

2009-03-18T22:16:00.001-07:00

happy birthday chew!. 5 years of knowing each other. being in housecrashers, 201 group of friends, the spine. actually we could have been even better friends, no thanks to JC life D: haha and you're damn shy. Still, when we have fun, we go C.R.A.Z.Y. we've been through a whirlwind of avril photo frames and birthday cakes, upside down bananas, BONBONS LOL!!!!, shaoweenafanclubbing MWAAHAHAHAH, and you're like in almost all the groups of friends i have!!!!! ahhhhhhh.

green pimples ftw! and you've got great music taste. A picture says it best, no? Haha lazy to go hunt down the millions of pics we have, you camwhore.

--

stars makes damn good exam therapy music :) LOOK UP!!!!! no one is online now ahhhh muggermode.

yesterday i stared up at the ceiling no actually just was in the dark thinking about stuff, because am still freaked out by ghost stories, and i've come to the conclusion that i like the way i am now. and even if everyone else breaks our bet( 20 bucks!!!!) , i'll be the way i am for quite a while. plus, it's damn sad seeing people so jaded and bitter and i dont think i could take that sort of thing for quite some time. that's the bad part, and there are happy parts but you'd change quite a lot. it's not a fear or anything, but i believe once you get into it, there's no getting out of it. a lot like life right, once you (are forced to) grow up, there's no looking back except in those stolen moments. anyway i'm just saying, hahahaah see what i mean by dying an old hermit. nah but i'm quite open to experiences. just that i find it pointless at this stage. yeahmanz. no offence to anyone. especially MPFS just saying that im gonna be totally devoted to my books and fam and friends this year yo. i think when you're attached, it gets complex trying to balance your time here and there. i sound like i'm giving advice! cool i should set up a matchmaking agency seriously. REAL ROMANCE RETAIL!

hmmm but anyway on a less serious note, i can't wait to see many of my friends hooking up so exciting. i can be the matchmaker dude, i already helmed one couple k. haha dont kill me when you read this.

2009-03-16T21:36:00.000-07:00

I am in a much happier mood! A i-wont-let-stupid-stuff-bring-me-down mood. Cos there really is a lot to be grateful for, and our suffering pales in comparison to many more unfortunate souls:(((( so i shant complain.

Well apart from being confined to the house till post blocks. But anyway been out and about a lot for the past 2 days. Cca orientation in which the only interesting thing happening was the sadistic hiding of items and I thought one junior was cool and the blossoming romance mwahaha and getting the guys to count number of boobs on pussycat dollzz. Haha. There are 11,btw. Just had the gp exercise... There were some really weird questions like really just ????. K and the best part was watching departures!! Yes that fantastic foreign film that nabbed the oscar. Kewei has a cute mum too, and I had to go to esprit to convince her that I was not some guy that kewei is meeting. Damn ironic. Ha. Anyway we spotted the DJs in time and I realised that if I really wanna be a journalist my friendly monitor must be on almost 24/7.nah. But there is a huge amount of extrovertedness or at least the appearance of being genuine, which is a paradox in itself right. Back to the movie. Was quite interesting to meet famous people, I don't think I made myself look stupid. Hee. The movie rocked!!!! Better than slumdog. Ming's right.. Slumdog is quite overrated. Departures was darkly humourous, some parts outrightly funny not in a hollywoodcomedy way almost laughed till I cried and teared a bit( everyone around using kleenex and sniffling kk) and really enjoyed myself. The opportunity cost of studying is totally worth it! Its deep without being too philosophical and funny without being patronizing. I shant give anything away but its a must watch! The social stigma of death could have been elaborated on more though. Yep but I have a newfound respect and understanding of death,life, closure etc. Thought that everything fell into place and was tied up very nicely despite some dontmakesense parts.Shall make xo watch I intensely miss our marathonzzz. I don't mind watching it again actually.
Kkkk study time:( 'the living eat the dead' and death is but a pathway to the next life? Ah love the movie much.and you peopletoo of course. Xoxo!

2009-03-14T22:14:00.000-07:00

I fail to see how arenes, activating groups, benzoic acid etc are gonna help me in my life. don't let me get started on Math and Bio. Math is quite fun actually, haha bffae is gonna kill me for saying this. Bio is .... HORROR. ahhhhh. okay but bio is cute cos of the little control elements thingies. teehee. have not started on the other 2, don't worry my fellow sufferers.
But studying is kind of a waste of energy, when there are many better self-fulfilling things to be done.
Oh, woe. Even the rain agrees with me.
i think i am making myself sound depressed on purpose. even though i'm not depressed at all. I just feel like sitting in a corner laughing at people in a cynical manner. HAHAHAHAH. okay maybe i'm psychotic! yes yes. i'm rather normal (if you call my usual self normal, after all friends whom i think are weird think i'm weird but in a normal way) when i'm with people. oh and i have weird dreams. like about evil torturers and two-faced people and just really bizarre dont make any sense dreams. i dream a lot. is that bad?
oh well.
i didn't go for STJ in the end. Was carted off to family dinner. Hope it was fun.

Oh! & i sound awful over the phone. Why has no one ever told me so? Okay besides shuyi but then again, she insults almost everything i do, but in her own affectionate way. I feel like one of those AI rejects who learn that their singing talent is merely perceived, and that their friends/family have been lying to them all along. disillusionment!
But anyway! Kewei and I have a movie date with the deejays roz and shan from 987fm thanks to my on-the-spur decision to sms in. "I wanna watch Departures cos it's a departure from the usual movie fare". Call me Mr Mraz! hahaha. can't believe my dad likes jason mraz.. shouldn't he be listening to ... the eagles, or something? Ok but to his credit, he has good music taste. anyway,i was actually on the radio :) my 1 minute of fame yeahzx. We're gonna watch Departures! The jap foreign film that won an Oscar. Coolioz. Though i think i will behave stupidly in front of the deejays. But i heard that the movie is really great and i can't wait to see kewei and famous people cry. it's about death, which is an awesomely morbid topic to suit my awesomely morbid mood.

"In retrospect, the days of struggle will strike us as most beautiful."
Let's hope so.

2009-03-12T03:50:00.000-07:00

rilo kiley rocks :) cool funky indie bands make me smile! maybe i should just be a music groupie minus the ... implications.
"And I'm not going back into rags or in the hole
and our bruises are coming
but we will never fold"

okay i have a responsibility to my TAGGERBABES. so here goes.
val: lips of an angel (((: ahh jiayou kyna!
9 Mar 09, 21:25
REPLY: jiayou valoo! :D yesh nice music keeps our bus rides back happy.
Eudora: &, "LOOK BEFORE ONE FLUSHES" w/o context of your post sounds DAMN WRONG you sound like youre looking for sh-t in the toilet hahaha though I must say your post was somewhat amusing LOL
REPLY: why does it sound wrong!! hahahah yesh kyna misses you! i swear i'm not looking for sh!t i've got enough in my life.
9 Mar 09, 21:24
Eudora: Wooo look, I haven't tagged for one month. Hi, long time no see. : )
8 Mar 09, 20:15
hweehwee: yup! i found your blog thru pmz:D haha and i stop blogging long ago! but if i have i'll ask you to link me:D and jiayou in school! see you soon:)
REPLY: sure thing hweehwee!!! keep in touch!
7 Mar 09, 21:48
1e (: i wish i was an ostrich living in SA too ):
REPLY: maybe in our next lives, dudette
5 Mar 09, 15:12
peace corps: hmmm. it's prob pre-bt syndrome. i believe u can reach enlightenment in the midst of mugging!
REPLY: thank you, oh spiritual teacher!
5 Mar 09, 12:53
yanne: heyhey talk soon k why you dao my sms!
4 Mar 09, 22:39
REPLY: I DIDN'T!!!! YES YES BFFAE <3333 to the power of infinity minus brokenheartedness. absence makes the heart grow fonder. an excuse for not being infected by your cheenaness
simjooo: eh kyna i love you! jiayou for mugging, God bless <3
REPLY: SIMJOO!!! what's your blog? i love you too :) all the best, and we must meet up to catch up soon!
1 Mar 09, 22:17
peace corps: peace for the world (V) who is stoney? hahaha
REPLY: yes we shall be peace missionaries !!!!! <3 restore world peace
28 Feb 09, 20:36
1e (: love ur finger too hon. retaining ur retainers hahahha
REPLY: thanks darl. yep i managed to regain my retainers.

Blocks! At least i don't feel as badly pwned as I did for promos, but. I have no comment. haha gp was funny though. porno(ponyo) graphy?? what a great way to start off the exam man. haha but really i felt like laughing during the exam!

march hols should be renamed as march mugathon. okay but i shall have some fun too, it will be good to have some me-time and yes i am not antisocial so i should be attending things and interacting with people. and i should be going for STJ. if i can find sth decent to wear.
i am going for huangcheng. salute me! i need translators.
and i had a barking good time with A today. quite funny seriously i havent gone that bonkers in a while.

instead of just being bei tian min ren (not sure if i got the hanyupinyin right) , i promise to take action for my ideals, and try to make some sort of difference, even if its only to a few people. anything is better than apathy.

all you sad/disillusioned people, don't do anything silly. but the feeling of being depressed is quite nice too. it's like .. swimming around in this pool of misery. okay anyway much thanks to someone who really helped!! ! ! ! ! ! !!!!! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
anyway, i miss the old me. i don't think it'll be coming back for a while, but meanwhile, doing other things'd just take my mind off stuff. and anyway i'll probably be back to normal soon. i guess. i mean there is hardly time to stop and think about things. i need all the brain capacity i can get.
i hope everyone has a fun time mugging !!! yeah right. but anyway i'm holding a book burning session after A's or after release of A results to prevent bad karma. okay okay who wants to join.

i should post funky quotes here. but i'm too lazy to find them.
well a nice long break was much in order. and 3 months in, i'm still surviving and hanging in here, better than what i expected.

one last question.
if alice is celia and celia is alice, then who the hell is kyna???

2009-03-09T23:15:00.000-07:00

its quite scary how everyone around seems to be in muggermode, even those who don't do it openly.ahhhhh. I guess I can't be counted as an exception, but its sorta a facade.fgs ive been blogsurfing and stomping ard the house complaining of headache even tho I sleep freaking early. Ohh fl cut her hair - as smexy as edna mode from the incredibles!! Awesome. Oh and i missed audrey and
nicole and eliZ today and i like the ppl in class i go ard with:) without them i'd be doubleloser and quite depressed and supersad bit I try to pay attention too and its a win win thing! like seriously. Its like this rojak mix of fun cool mature cute understanding friends. And I still get traumatized by kewei and I somehow attract potential____. Ack. In the words of Z, ' school rules me now' I shall not make sense now but be ttly concise and logical and blow you away with my structured syllogism for gp. Nyehheh.I need to be more serious and sound less serious and lighten up and chill ahhh I hate headaches.
Alevel results!!!! Ah. I feel sad for those that didnt do well as they could/should have. I guess I must really work hard if I want the grades. It won't fall into my lap, really gotta focus, get distracted less, clear all doubts, and be emotionally at peace haha. I really admire those with mental stamina! Its funny how all we will have to speak of our jc education comes down to a slip of paper if I'm not wrong.
Time to rock the blocks yo

2009-03-06T22:10:00.000-08:00

eh feeling quite unmotivated now. But gotta keep moving. I don't feel disturbed anymore, it takes a bit of talking with good friends and really nice things that ppl do (there are genuinely nice ppl around so yes we should see what we choose to) to ease the worries away. Whoo. Sorta. Anywaysh yes better study. Haha we're gonna be performing later and my g(uitar) string broke so thats a good sign? Funnily, the songs don't require that string. Its a good sign.
I like Buddhist teachings! I agree with the Tired, but Happy thing. Like we can be weary but as long as we're :) Peacecorps, we should immerse ourselves in such religious goodness. In the future. More travel buddies? It seems nourishing for the soul. Plus I think soliude works wonders. Perhaps I am closet loner! Or I just have split personality. People dont believe me when i say that i am actually in praise of solitude, but i am. I guess. Well if solitude allows for certain exceptions.Agree with k that we're all quite abnormal, its just how much of it shows. Yay i'll be seeing k later! Comic relief + spiritual guidance ftw!!
Ok no slacking! Shall pour my heart into trying to salvage my ...studying situation and understanding.been realizing my inadequacies in terms of techniques plus I don't know why I get quite distracted, like i can't really absorb things. But I shall now become a sponge and absorb till I'm positively saturated. Farewell and may we rock blocks!

A picture says a thousand words. I wish we were as free and happy as the animals in S.A. perhaps one day we will be.

2009-02-28T04:03:00.000-08:00

Sorry couldn't resist.
Proof that the world is indeed coming to an end : Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron (the high school musical people, yep the nakedgirl actress and that gay looking actor) are purportedly getting married. and they're <20 !!!!! haha ok ridiculous gossip fodder.
still ... mygoodness!!!!!
and i'm the dumbest person alive.my teeth are gonna go out of shape 'coz i flushed my retainers down the toilet bowl?!?!?! they were wrapped in tissue paper and i thought it was just erm left there by some family member. seriously.
i am the ultimate loser. i couldn't even ... retain my retainers.
but somehow i feel like laughing.
comedy in tragedy?
okay anyway. rja's new album is quite disappointing =( they are one of the bands i would say has a lot of potential. lily allen's new album is quite cool, am beginning to appreciate her style. her lyrics are v upfront and her melodies are interesting.
and i don't know how to do ionic equilibria properly! = screwed. okay i shall get my facts straight. sigh, starting to feel worried for blocks. and i keep getting distracted.
on to research for the industrial revolution..? like that's gonna help a whole lot in my gp essays.
+ i should think more before i talk. i realise that i've probably said some things i shouldn't have. Maybe they weren't that harmful. but anyway. yes. think before one speaks. and LOOK BEFORE ONE FLUSHES. grrr.

2009-02-27T19:41:00.000-08:00

am trying to see how long I can go without blogging. So far had to delete like 3 posts. Haha
interesting events and startling revelations have transpired, but some were told in confidence and some meaning would be eroded by my account not to mention me rambling on.
happy birthday, belovedest steffi! Here's to a lifetime of friendship and the wavelength that connects us weirdos:)
Congrats to taekwondo friends alice audrey eliz angelababy shiny eileen pohting rattina yingying jamie you all got into finals! Haha and acc to aud eliz's team is in it to win it.
all the best to other people with competition and facing 'psychological conflict' something we go thru on a daily basis. Heh.
and apollo great job mingz anzai valoo! I support Aphrodite but apollo pwnz more nah haha I wear my pullover for patriotic purposes...not to hide the yucky uni.
hc guitar come on lets get that feeling and not screw up timing and identify baba and get our gold hopefully with honours though I dont know if thats wishing for too much. See how much we improve first.
blogging strike begins now.

2009-02-23T05:36:00.000-08:00

I feel like uttershizzzzz damn whacked at the end of a long long day. I am telling myself that it I can survive this, I can survive anything. Anyway all the best to taekwondo friends for comps. Okay on to draining all my energy out. And someone PLs say I rock I'm running 2.4 tmr which I secretly think is good for my fat ass.buhbye.

2009-02-20T21:02:00.000-08:00

saturdays ftw. Today imma watch some parAMORE the final riot dvd. Quite sad that there isn't anyone I know in real life thats as paramore-crazy. People only hear their singles on the radio, when there is much more to them in real life. Kinda an analogy to our understanding of people? Anyway I need to Mugmugmug and who cares and i'll be open about it unlike ahem some geniuses and go for a jog if its not so freaking hot later. -grins- I feel the storm coming on...

2009-02-20T02:11:00.000-08:00

& it's back to TGIF!!! :)
I think that everyone has a cynical side, or at least many insecurities, that they face with or without other people knowing of it. Which is why, once again, finding genuine friends is so important because they can help you to lighten the load, and wallow in the IRONY AND MISERY AND ANGUISH of life together. heh heh. okay lah kidding. life is not too bad.i'm actually pretty thankful for some people around, have made several *startling* revelations. and i truly am grateful for my friends, i realise that the people i really regard as good friends have one thing in common, they aren't as different as i thought they were and they are diverse but similar in ways - they are really genuine and unafraid to be who they really are. sounds cliche but i wholeheartedly agree with this. also, a chat with a friend reinforced the idea that some things are not what they seem & some people are really not as nice as they appear to be. especially in jc, with the larger social networks, when actually many things are simmering beneath the surface. even though i'm not a part of it, it's still disturbing to observe. to put it bluntly, many of us are swimming in delusions as we don't really understand one another. it's a bit sad if we have to spend so much time on such useless things.
i was feeling quite cynical and crabby i dunno just talking as usual to K (i need more constructive studying partners) and another new chatting partner, A. I think life gets really complex the more you think about it. it's easy to find sad/negative things, easy to turn something good into something bad. there's not much point in just trying to see the good things because good and bad co-exist. also, it's bad to be too cynical cos you'd miss out on good stuff. hmmm but some things definitely cannot be denied. this is vague.
but it's no use pondering over how things are unfair and trying to beat the system. it's enough to be aware and stay detached from things that do not have much influence on your life if you don't let it affect you. at the end of the day, you know who's really gonna be there and who's really not so i think it's much more worthwhile spending the time and effort on those that really matter yes? :)
getting quite disillusioned. Think its a brief phase. Hokay I love weekends and Monday chem spa ftwwwww. Okok thanks and I'm really sorry to some ppl, for not corresponding much, but you know I care. :) we just have to get thru this year and all its demands, then we have the rest of our lives. Tho I hear that working life << schooling. K Im gonna delete this soon and post at xo's livejournal haha noone is blogging!

2009-02-19T03:42:00.000-08:00

I persuaded my parents not to attend parents' day by saying that listening to the principal's speech is like having a pillow hit your head repeatedly. -grins-
and life trudges along, but this week has passed fast, the last wkend felt so near. Maybe this is what it means to lose track of time. And sorry people, I don't think I'm available for dates this weekend, yes this includes my secret admirer(s) who is not secret thanks to her distinct handwriting on my card.
Booo at not being able to go for coldplay; I like their new album a lot a lot. Mmpf and getting addicted to my life would suck without you by the best American idol, besides dc. Tv tonight yay and date with umm biospa and hotcheena expedition to nanyang tmr:D

2009-02-18T04:32:00.000-08:00

I didnt go to school today !!:):):) I really was having this headache/mental breakdown of sorts so its good. Managed to watch slumdog millionaire at home (good quality!) and settle some stuff and spend my day relaxingly and resting. Ah. Slumdog rocks btw despite cheesy ending.okay gotta catch up and get going ciao

2009-02-17T00:49:00.000-08:00

Yoohoo. Okay life's been pretty good more ups than downs, thanks to those who have kept bad things at bay and for advice, support, your presence is my present. Oh swimming was fun! :) though i felt damn weird, ok imma just use my mums costume even if i look horrendous. but quite tiring. swimming is seriously one of the nicest sports.
Okay today was another school day, but I think school is quite fun. Compared to J1. somehow. The vibes and mood are good, and there is a sort of freedom- i dont feel uneasy being by myself in school. Solitude helps at times, tho i'm more of a people person. and i'm closer to more people, and closer to people i was close to and emotionally close to people i've been emotionally close to and the xo gang lives on through our sacred book :) geniuses you bunch<3 haha i still cannot hug some people cos we are anti-touch. haha i feel like being mean and laughing at people who think they're cool/people like them, but in fact, people don't think highly of them after all. okay evil. and other stuff. i'm actually quite cynical. i have a secret mean streak. :) but i think i'm generally pretty nice, right? :] bffae can attest to that by the way she emotionally blackmails me ALL THE TIME! Kidding. But seriously, its a scary how I feel obliged around certain people, and the worst is that if they knew their effect, I'd probably be dealing with a whole lot of shit. Nah but people are nice. In general.

things are gonna get a whole lot shittier soon damn seriously little time to revise/study/shit (literally shit okay cos i am zonked by around 11plus and then i don't have time to egest and all that), and other stuff to do like keep in contact with friends (okay i've been lagging here, but most of you ppl can understand and we're all busy so) , lesigh, but of course it's sad and not easy. +++ decide on WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH MY LIFE, get ready uni apps and all that testimonial stuff, etc.
Walking back to NY boarding school with K is highly therapeutic and taking the bus back with Z was quite coolios but sad. awwwww. don't worry we're going through the same thing. And my mortal ROCKS! seriously.my mortal's quite different and vvv direct, which is quite rare. i see us being potentially good friendsies.
Okayzxzxzxx off to fulfill my obligations as a ~~slave~~ good student!

2009-02-14T07:09:00.000-08:00

Pathos, piety, courage, — they exist, but are identical, and so is filth. Everything exists, nothing has value.
E. M. Forster, A Passage to India, 1924

What a sad, sad view. I still prefer EM forster's happier quotes.

"Only connect! That was the whole of her sermon. Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its height. Live in fragments no longer. Only connect, and the beast and the monk, robbed of the isolation that is life to either, will die."
=) Empowering :)

Life is indeed dangerous, but not in the way morality would have us believe. It is indeed unmanageable, but the essence of it is not a battle. It is unmanageable because it is a romance, and its essence is romantic beauty.
E. M. Forster, Howards End
Quite .. depressing? Like how love > life. ..? I shan't comment cos it would erode the profundity.

2 things are making me rather depressed. 1. The Workload. +++ The revision schedule which is just not taking place. & 2.Matters of the Mind, Body & Soul. For me to know and you to find out.

I'm out, and onto hack the pile away. Benjamin Button is quite a cute name. Haha I have a friend who is getting drunk how fun. I live vicariously through others , since I don't have much of a life you see =)

2009-02-14T06:07:00.000-08:00

I feel quite ... blank.
Okay it's supposed to be a happy day. Not bad, my parents went to Malaysia for their 20year wedding anniversary. Man. Married for 20 years. Huge achievement. & I must say, they get along pretty well even now. Hmmm.

The IMH visit was quite interesting.The volunteers are really nice. & it's cool to meet people who are passionate about being genuine, altruistic individuals. Assuming it exists. But the vacant look in the patients' eyes. Woe. Had a really good, depressing talk/lunch about the meaninglessness of life,conformity,relationships, gender inequality, more personal stuff, things that could've been quite philosophical if i knew how to think in that manner. In this aspect, I feel quite inferior to K and J who've probably spent their whole lives and devote their existence to thinking. Though K is more ... hands-on. & witnessed K getting her that upperportion of her ear pierced. OUCH. and some mindless shopping. Esprit really has awesome clothes... classic fashion. Fox too. But the skirt was too short :/ Not bad huh, at least I tried a skirt.

Zat's all. Am tired. And Happy valentine's day. One day, I'll look back and think that being single rocked. When I'm bitter, jaded, cynical, the list goes on. haha nah i won't alllow myself to be transformed. Anyway, it does feel good to be single, to talk freely and have time for friends despite seeing couples all over the place. Most of who don't even look like they're in THE THROES OF LOVE anyway. :)

2009-02-13T04:01:00.000-08:00

today was quite cool, haha the general mood was quite hyped up, even fl nearly went bonkers teehee. It felt a bit weird carrying flowers around, of course just like any other girl ( not factoring nicole lim), it was nice to receive flowers. Esp from a 'secret admirer' coughcelcough heh but it just felt a bit hmmmm. Anyway, it was a great school day! being with classmates/ funkay friends, srsly I like how we can sorta mix around and get along well across cliques, getting closer to more galpalz and 'appreciating' ( bio lecturer ruined my appreciation of this word lolnotfunneh) their quirkiness and plain bizarre cuteness. Yesh I think a lot of my friends are cute how weird is that), the balloon thingo, short bffae meeting, making fun of guitar couple haha that was real mean but u can tell they enjoyed it, giving and receiving things that make you fat ( seriously... Getting a sore throat as well as many layers of lipids) the long boring lectures, enjoyed the hornehh mini xo convo- its just amazing how we can extend pt's horny legacy. Of course being in the presence of intellectual souls is freaking inspiring! Whoo. And me and kewei going off to empty classrooms ad just lying across tables and speaking our hearts and minds and just talking about things i would be too freaked out to talk about in front of others. She is one of the most open people i have ever met, prob why can discuss muchly controversial issues despite my conservativeness. Heh b(r)easties!Almost no inhibitions. I am lucky indeed and its one of those nights in which I just feel this sweet sense of contentment, that things are pretty perfect. It won't last, but its just a nice, blessed feeling.
And our econs tutor was telling us about her 1st valentine (I think) who wrote her a quote from EM Forster,some really cool English author I actually know him from lit class! And it was sth about affections being more subtle. Haha it was quite erm sweet and artsy and... Awesome. I use awesome too much! Anyway, yay today was a great day and friendship day> valentine's. Must enjoy being single ok everyone, coupledom is like something you cannot escape from at least i think it changes you in some ways so don't be sad about not having a valentine! Lastly, I friendship cannot be measured by the amount of flowers/gifts you get, but the unspoken agreement to transcend the transcient. Act cheem! Nah but really, flowers die and real friendship doesn't. I know what to write for XO book already!
I'm spending my valentine's day with a hot, gorgeous, irresistible date - drumroll - with kewei and jolynn at IMH :) prob pretty unconventional for a date but still great! Yay! I feel like I just skipped over a hill, this feeling is quite unreal. Okay I shall ... Make dried petals from the dead rose and in the words of fl, be constructive!

2009-02-09T05:01:00.000-08:00

this just made my day, not to mention my week, month and so on. Which is a big deal as i was quite...occupied.'this book is tangible confirmation of that, of intangible things that we've somehow managed to put into words though they will always pale in comparison to how we feel about ourselves and each other.' by B. I'm beyond thankful too. And curious as to why I'm still thinking about other less awesome awe inspiring things. You know why friends rock? Most of them, once you've crossed those barriers(quite hard to surmount and it all depends on circumstance) are there. They don't require constant commitment or devotion cos you just know that they are. Quantity is more than welcome as it rocks to be with all my different friends, but quality friendships don't really require quantity, to me at least.wouldn't it be ideal if all relationships were like that? Of course love languages differ, some friends feel closer when they see each other/ talk more, but as long as you're on the same page no matter what happens, I strongly believe that such friendship lasts a lifetime, with luck and chance. Had a queer thought that while we already feel hardened by the realities of the hectic pace of life, not knowing what or where we're going, life is still sweet. Ignorance is bliss; the future to us is merely a blur entity which seems promising and life-altering.Childhood innocence might be overrated. In fact, maybe now is the perfect and ideal age. We're on the cusp of adulthood and learning in baby steps to deal with what the unsheltered life brings.i suspect that what we're going thru now is just the start, just a mini intro to lots of scary things. I think I can understand why some ppl r so jaded and it makes me quite fearful. If at only 17, we're so affected by betrayal/ broken relationships / peer pressure, what will happen when thel full force of it hits us next time?So I guess we just have to seize the day and not keep looking back into the past.

There is a huge difference between knowing something and actually admitting it to yourself. Some things should
not be said and some words will remain for lack of better phrasing, unspoken. Everything in its time, and
now is really not the time plus things could get too messy. More advice and trust in myself. I will get through and get over what comes my
way.

On a brighter note, I own parAMORE's final
riot cd! Amazing. It kept me awake during the ride to school which is a first coz I'm usually in a daze. And... I love music of the night!! Which is gd considering that we replay it gaziillion times plz play it at my wedding (hahaha contradictory) if I get married and funeral

2009-02-06T20:23:00.000-08:00

ahaha check out venetianprincess videos on youtube her spoof of womanizer is vvvvvv hilarious! Hahaha ' I'll check out the hard drive' lol!!. Plus the parody of how reality tv sets unrealistic expectations for aspiring skanks under the most watched section. haha okay I am highly amused
not gonna use this gadget anymore. Ah and angels and demons is coming out in may09!!! Havent watched doubt and Benjamin button yet. Its the best time to watch movies now cos they are all of oscar quality. Even though that may reduce the entertainment factor. Hm ok byebye I swear I'm gonna delete this soon

2009-02-05T06:40:00.000-08:00

there was teach less learn more. Mine will be think/talk/mope less, learn more. Learn academicaly how do things the right way, not to be so biased and bitter at times with myself because the choices were right and we regret no matter what, learn to achieve quality in relationships (ensure the best returns and not tire myself out when it is unreciprocated), learn to live and let go and focus and have passion for what im doing. It is not that hard.oh well I can't help but go in all sorts of directions and make excuses and go around in these circles, but at the end of the day its time to translate wasted energy into ... Fire fire fire which will catch on and burn everything else of
no use away. Just minus the part where its just the end result that matters, the journey is as important, so this year will be both meaningful and fruitful. Beauty in the struggle.
On another note, I'd really like to study overseas, hopefully in the US. The experience will be just amazing. Though honestly i dont think i can survive on my own but i can try..?It will be either that or singaporeeeee which is also ok but not life changing or exciting.though thats where family and friends will be.hm the dilemma between comfort and excitement of learning about the world by actl experiencing it. Kewei has piqued my interest. Eh but the odds of a scholarship are low,but maybe not if its not those prestigious coveted ones it really depends n even if I qualify, my parents would be quite against the idea of a bond and i agree about the death sentence part.plus now our future is still quite uncertain and I refuse to think about what might happen.its in the not immediate future anyway. So I dunno we shall see , I will do something about it. For now just focus on the nitty gritties.
Lastly, thanks S! your writing is really beautiful and pure! I just love the way you think and it makes me feel a bit sad and sorry for being so selfish and self-absorbed. Aren't many of us guilty of that? Hmmm but for now, there are limits and barriers and it takes 2 hands to clap so. The world is not within our grasp. Thanks J for the random message its entertaining and enlightening your random ... Injections into my life are always welcome. Though I have no idea how to answer your cheemphilosophy101 questions. I should stop thanking and start acting. Let's spread the love and hold on together.

2009-02-05T06:14:00.000-08:00

Enough of the occasional moping around and disillusionment. I really dislike these brief but agonizing phases. If they can be termed as phases. I am making this sound too serious.Hmmmmm I don't know whether its a psychological barrier though wise words of bffae are not to be doubted, or if its an excuse or just a sense of misguided self-contentment and reassurance. Whatever the case, I need to be much stronger. I have no idea how I am
going to accomplish this but well they say picking yourself
up from a fall and your skin becomes tougher after you go down with a fight. Maybe I am making a mountain out of a molehill, but this is too pertinent to ignore. So will it be naive optimism or untinted realism? Is the barrier to entry impossible to break down (haha drama plus econs-.-) I don't wanna compare myself to others, neither am I prepared to judge myself solely based on what I can achieve. I don't know period. But I guess that I have to take action (ie blog less, slack less, talk less, waste less unnecessary time on unnecessry people, dont let my emotions get the better of me, focus with a capital F!) to prove to myself that I can do it cos somewhere deep inside, I have the discipline. I dont need to check up on things/people for my life to function. just act and dont spend so much effort on the transcient. well I think I rely on people quite a lot (or rather persons) even though I used to think it was the opp, but i guess its both? A
need to be needed?it ain't something I plan on trying to change. Hopefully we'll get through this together. All of it. Thanks to those for being there, boo on those who were never there. It starts now okay, it doesn't matter what others think anymore. Gogogogogogogo. Not trying to hype myself up but every second counts. A tamed mind brings happiness. Okay syf09, blocks, sl, let's be friends.I'll be seeing a lot of you in the future.

2009-02-02T04:32:00.000-08:00

Today is just one of those days which starts out quite happy, its like oh damn its Monday, but I get to see my friends again so.. Then after trawling through lectures,tutorials, trying to absorb everything which does somewhat make sense, but you don't really see the point of. Some happy moments at break time with friends, seeing friends around school, being with friendsies in class/out of
class, surviving chem prac which I usually really hate unless its titration.. Tho honestly I think that chem is vvvvv rigid, and its like follow
The key points and THIS method
of doing things to
get your ideal
grades, which feels contrived and pointless I hope teachers don't read this. But seriously. Dislike it when I Dont see the purposenin what I'm doing. Next random topic - Cca isn't so bad at first, esp today nearly laughed till I cried at the baba interrogation go see www.hcguitar.blogspot.com tagboard haha baba is still unidentified. Then, when the conductor takes charge, we sort of fall into this tension, an awkward inequilibrium btw trying to pay attention and our characteristic stoning. I think I would juat turn into a statue without ppl like kewei and crazybabachuazy. Usually I don't feel
sianed to the max, but I think that if I don't try to feel otherwise, I can just feel blah about things, especially if this is the routine way of school life. Hm well thank gdness for small mercies, like short bffae shopping trip, comic relief, and I guess being with my class can be (ironically) destressing at times. At least have quite a few buddies. Hmm okay this is just one of those really blah days which ends on a low note. And shall stay that way cos it takes a lot of effort to smile when ya don't feel like it. No inspirational words for the day. Oh yes do not take your family for granted. I am v guilty of that. :(( but i do love my family a lot, I guess its just easier to show affection for friends. Still, there is something really awesome about unconditional love and that stable support that family always gives. Honestly, quite a few friends don't share an unconditional friendship, and friendships can turn sour rather easily or friends just end up drifting apart or not maintaining contact. Not to discredit the good,close friends I appreciate with all my heart. The point is, its most impt for your family to understand and care for one another, and to appreciate this
special bond cos its probably one of the few types of love that will be there for you irrevocably. thanks to my family:) [ see I don't just talk about my friends all the time] some random
musings... I feel better already. Ok blogging is a catharsis:) but I shall find solace in other forms. Be strong, everyone, especially you!:)) and happy valentines day in advance! Candlelit dinner and triple date and under pressure (ironyyyyyy) with chickenbeanstoniezzzz (and bloody cca on vday wth) I can't wait!

2009-01-31T21:50:00.000-08:00

Interesting quizzo from Wanyi. Am wondering how true it is.

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Losing Someone You love affection and the people in your life more than anything. Your greatest fear is that one day someone you care about won't be there anymore. You are a very friendly and inviting person, who draws in a lot of friendships with your kind, considerate, and loyal nature. However, deep down you are slightly insecure and unsure of yourself. You couldn't deal with it if you didn't have one of your loved ones in your life anymore. You don't have too much to worry about though, because with a friend like you, no one will want to lose you either!
Being Alone
Where Your life is Going
Disappointment
Looked down on
Death
Commitment
What is your True Fear? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

2009-01-30T20:23:00.000-08:00

Probably not writing here for a while except for the occasional update/find. I've decided to engage in other forms of writing in my 'free time' like trying scriptwriting and maybe songwriting too(though have no idea how to transpose) in combination with another aspiring friend. Hopefully something good will come out of it. Not bad huh I sound quite serious. Okay hmm we've got inspiration already so perhaps when there are random flashes of insight, we can write some stuff. Haha seriously don't expect much though cos life is hectic and its hard to think clearly when brig bombarded with the usuals. Anyway, to friends facing problems( don't we all?) we'll weather the storms together! And well yeah sounds hard but sometimes we should let go and not immerse ourselves in self-misery. There are other things of more significance and its more important to overlook things that seem troubling, but are really not. All about perspective yeah. Here's to the strength, energy hope and faith in the face of mounting pressures!

2009-01-27T20:04:00.000-08:00

Me. valerie. & yanne. missing our fellow member, tricia. Great buddies from 201 :))) We had a fun time at nanyang i love impromptu trips!

A RARE PICTURE! XO + OUR EXTENDED FAMILY. you people are among the best things that happened to me in nanyang :} we will always keep in touch and NEVER DESTROY THE RING and aspire on! I LOVE XO!!!!
okay --

3 of us again! :)

US with the birthday girl :D her sunglasses rock, i spent quite a while searching for them and they're suitably retarded indeed.

No time to think, think, think. it's definitely useful to be able to see what basically is not there to realise with precision what is the truth. not referring to anyone in particular :] Okay life ish good and update will not be soon cos I have to get on muggermode and cope with all the school and cca stuff. Smile Smile Smile :))

notes to self
1. MUGGGGG!!!
2. finish slumdog millionaire. and enjoy rachel getting married :)))) my friend wants to watch so she can drool over anne. -.- hahah i will have a fun time wiping the saliva off kewei's stubby chin.
3. MUGGGGGGGG omg chemclasstesttmrrrrrrr. i am still not used to tests and all that, even if they are not counted.
4. enjoy life. find joy in the tiny things and don't let the macro aspects of life swallow you up. j2 is starting to be quite the emotional rollercoaster. hmmm. remember, A TAMED MIND BRINGS HAPPINESS. that shall be my motto for this year :]
5. enjoy /develop friendships because this will be the last year with a lot of good friends. after that, time will reveal who your true friends are. based on the assumptn that true friends are those that bother to keep in touch. then again, with some friends, you can probably meet them somewhere randomly 10 years down the road and still have loads to talk about and connect with. that will be so cool! yeah man this is the turning point where we make decisions that determine how our whole life pans out. very frightening but quite exciting. i just hope to find a balance ; i know some say balance is boring, and we should take risks and leap off the deep end, but as a libra, i strive to find balance and happiness in whatever i pursue. balance and happiness and of course taking some risks and enjoying life. a bit early to think about such things. i think my mind works in disjointed ways.

Adieu, readers! :) I bid you farewell, I have enough self-control not to update with miniscule, occasionally earth-shattering details of my ... deprived existence. :D